I feel that the essence of being human is to feel too much, it's to feel everything and then ponder about those things. Cry, scream, laugh, or smile about it all.
After spending time with a depressed person, I found that the suicide ideations came when she felt nothing at all. When everything felt numb and nothing felt like anything at all.
But the roots of this numbness is truly, feeling too much and not knowing what to do with it. Like having a sugar high and then crashing. You feel so much and you get so tired, your head eventually stops working.
Her appetite changed, she slept all the time, she couldn't do anything she used to be interested in and the worst of all, she'd try anything to feel something again. That's when shit hit the fan.
So, my conclusion is that, you should be proud and passionate that you can still feel so much. To feel pain, sorrow, anger, betrayal, everything--because that's how you know that you still look for an escape. You're still finding ways to get out. If you can feel then you can think.
You still think and I hope that you're able to power through the abuse, to whatever shit you're dealing with right now so you'll never get to that point where you feel absolutely nothing.