Discussion Is anyone else flabbergasted at how they ended up in this situation?

[CrazyDiamond04]

Sometimes I think back to earlier parts in my life and I find it almost insane how I ended up here. My past almost feels like a fever-Dream in many respects. This entire situation and what I plan to do just feels bizarre. Does anyone else feel the same way?

 

[unnormal9]

No, it's pretty goddamn clear.

 

[The_End_Is_Comfort]

The causes? Pretty clear. But the fact that I used to be a bit optimistic, and paranoid of even stuff like "what if a plane crashed into me right now, what if I have a heart attack in my sleep"

To actively wishing for it to happen though, is surreal.

 

[Lilythefenfen]

In the quotes of Gump, Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.
It really is true that sometimes life can throw the craziest things at you, most of it out of your control. Some get lucky while others like us are led to a path of destruction. Either way, it's a good thing to look at the past because that's what makes us us.
Sometimes life isn't fair in the slightest.

 

[HyperdimensionLoser]

At first I thought it was weird but honestly after a few days and giving it some thought it kinda makes sense now that I'd somehow end up at the current point that I'm at. Feel like I've always had a screw or two loose about myself from how I acted when I was younger.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

The causes? Pretty clear. But the fact that I used to be a bit optimistic, and paranoid of even stuff like "what if a plane crashed into me right now, what if I have a heart attack in my sleep"

To actively wishing for it to happen though, is surreal.

Yeah, that's kind of what I was getting at, the surreal nature of it all. It's kind of hard to express exactly what I mean but it all just feels crazy to me.

 

[bunniflop]

very relatable. i was a "gifted" child at a christian school. i went on to play volleyball at a national level. i had many friends.

and then, drugs. nothing has felt normal ever since i began abusing scripts. i guess normal isn't even the right word for it. constant disassociation/derealization have left the past couple years a blur. events are out of order and people erased. i exist as a ghost of the girl i was.

 

[Teardrop2021]

Sometimes I think back to earlier parts in my life and I find it almost insane how I ended up here. My past almost feels like a fever-Dream in many respects. This entire situation and what I plan to do just feels bizarre. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Completely. I keep wondering, how did I get here? I guess because I haven't been suicidal my whole life like some have.....It's only been the past three years after a devastating event. I sometimes forget and feel "normal" and then it comes back to me that I'm going to have to CTB.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not for me- because I've had ideation since I was 10. Still- I feel sure it can strike anyone at any time. I've known REALLY positive people come down with depression likely due to a change in medication.

I don't like to compare situations because they're all shit really. It's hard to say which is worse though- remembering good times but feeling like they are gone forever (although there is still a previous 'you' to try and aim to get back to.) Or- never really experiencing happiness. In which case- while there's nothing to miss- there's nothing to strive for either.

I'm sorry though. I suppose I embraced my pessimistic, suicidal side early on. It's got to be disturbing if this is all new and unwelcome. I hope you can find your way back to your happier self- if that's what you want.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

Yeah I am. I had so much potential.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

No ive been on this trajectory for years it was inevitable

 

[NambaSutra]

I am. I was a "gifted" child. I did well in school. I was good at a lot of things. Then adulthood happened, I didn't transition well. Now I'm just crazy.

 

[charlotte_]

Yea, as a kid I honestly wouldn't thought I would ever become a mentally ill burnt out pathetic adult like I am now. I was born in a decent household in terms of finance, had good education, never lacking physically but trauma ruined me. I really miss the days when I thought things could get better.

 

[Das Nichts]

Why I always said I pull the plug myself when shit gets to intense (medical or mentally) I'd never thought that it would actually come to this.

It's very strange when you partake in social Stuff or go to work when the only thing your thinking about is how you are probably going to nuke yourself soon.

 

[borderline-feline]

I'm sometimes in awe of how many factors have coincided to bring me to this point. I really have to wonder what the odds are of having these specific problems all together.

 

[FrostedHoax]

I didn't think I would get to this point until about 4-5 years ago since I was always a cheerful, outgoing little kid but I started to become more withdrawn and depressed sometime in middle school and it's only gotten worse since then. Now, I can safely say that I was probably always destined to get to this point and end up sending myself to an early grave.

 

[downndone2]

Yes, I was living the dream and fucked it up completely while I was crazy after my meds were cut by family members. Now I just want to die everyday. I hate my existence

 

[sheleftme1]

I have altars been unhappy in some ways but I definitely never expected to be where I am in the last 2 months

 

[cherrysquick]

yeah honestly when i look at old photos and messages i can't recognize myself anymore, i guess i've been getting progressively worse over the years "naturally" and only started to notice it recently. i had a lot of potential when i was younger, it's a shame i turned out this way