Introduce yourself

[tscorn]

After a lot of lurking I decided to finally make an account. Hi everyone. I've lived with depression my whole life, since I was a little kid. I'm in my 30s now and I'm feeling very hopeless. Everyone here is so lovely.

 

[Sardenain]

Hello everyone!

Its-a me, not a Mario. I'm from the happiest country in the world, although methodology might be questionable. I'm a man in my early thirties and since the start of 2020 things have been going downhill. But signs were there long before. I remember being very anxious about SARS so Covid hitting and laying bare my problems is somewhat funny.

I have had different levels of suicidal ideation since I was a preteen. I managed to blend into environment, so nobody really catched it. But I was lonely all the time, often the last to be picked and so on. And when there might have been chance to catch some of my problems, I managed to avoid those chances. I have always been reluctant to bring forth myself so there is also that.

Never truly had extensive contact to health care professionals, except during Covid-times. Only thing I gained from that "treatment" was depression diagnosis, somewhat grim psychologist evaluation and knowledge that Venlafaxine makes me to avoid everything from reading emails to paying bills. I personally suspect that I have avoidant personality disorder rather than depression. I know I should take some contact to mental health professionals but I feel that I don't deserve it.

I am interested in history. Not surprisingly I play grand strategies, mainly EU4 and CK2. I also listen metal, especially older Opeth. Trees of Eternity is/was also always a delight. I also waste time playing online chess. I would like to say I am somewhat decent in it.

I absolutely love late spring/early summer when evenings are still cool/cold but bright and leaves and plants are still in different shades of sharp green. Luckily that short season is coming in soon. Spring and summer used to bittersweet time for me as it magnified things I don't have but nowadays it's.... fine.

Thanks for reading and take care!