Introduce yourself

[Seul]

18 gang heyyy

woooooooo same age friends! I'm sorry all that happened to you btw, it must have been horrible.
What instrument do you play?

 

[wishingmylifeaway]

hi, idk what to write here. an 18 y/o uni student i guess

 

[winechateu]

woooooooo same age friends! I'm sorry all that happened to you btw, it must have been horrible.
What instrument do you play?

i play flute and piccolo :) i like your profile pic!

 

[Seul]

i play flute and piccolo :) i like your profile pic!

Thank you! Took me a good 15 minutes in microsoft paint embarrassingly

 

[lunna]

hiiiiiiiiiii :з
i'm an 18 year old girl that listens to grimes and likes to devour khinkali, i practice archery and it always makes me feel good af. but there are also some guys inside my head that are chasing me and driving me insane, and i will never escape from them. that's why i'm here.
if you ever need a friend, dm me, i'll be there waiting for you, sending you love vibes <з

 

[Lifeiskillingme]

Hello
I am in my 20s, I don't really have any family. 2 kids. One I see. One I don't. Every relationship in my life, romantic, friend, parent, family, I have failed. I do very horrible things to get by everyday I wouldn't wish on anyone. It haunts me and gives me ptsd. I was attacked while sleeping a few months ago. Its left me with rifling ptsd and trauma. My entire childhood was not peaceful. Parents upset. I was seeing things too. Not sure if they were real or not. Sleep paralysis was a tormentor for all of my childhood. The other kids did not like me. No matter what school it was. I was an alien. I play a online game and have for 15 years. I met someone on there years ago. We decided to finally meet this last year. He proclaimed his love for me first and I accepted. He fucking ghosted me. Not even a hey I don't think this is gonna work, just 100% ghosted. Idk what I am worth if it is anything at all. I wish to die most everyday and I fantasize about it heavily. If you took the time to read this. thank you. You are special.

 

[drwt]

Hiya

I'm also in my 20s and from Europe. I found this forum after doing research on SN. I managed to get a bottle (yay for me) but I doubt I'll be using it any time soon. I'm depressed and have issues with codependency. I'm a sucker for clingy love and passion because it helps me break out of the misery and actually enjoy life. Unfortunately I barely socialize and mostly stay inside to play games, read, draw stuff or watch TV. The only friends I have are online. I found a girlfriend last year (online ) and lived with her but she killed herself. We had great times together but sadly you can't save anyone who doesn't want to save themselves. Been going through my own suicidal phase for a while now but it's slowly getting better.
Life feels empty and hopeless though. I wish I could meet someone again to take care of. I keep thinking that there must be girls out there that feel like me and rot away wasting their time with unimportant stuff while dreaming of someone who'd magically appear in their life. Oh well..
I have savings and I'll go traveling once covid disappears (unless I manage to meet someone but that won't happen lol)
Thanks for reading

 

[selaore]

Hi everyone

I'm a 28F from Europe. I've been lurking here for a couple of months and this forum helps mee when I feel desperate or I am in the middle of a crisis. Reading your posts makes me calm again and makes me feel a little bit less lonely.

So thank you all.
X

 

[EnnuiCat]

Hi everyone. I'm 54 and have suffered depression and social anxiety for as long as I can remember. Therapy. SSRIs. Suicide lockup. Each time I entertain the idea of CTB I think of the people I would hurt. Rather than give me a sense of belonging and necessity, their need for me only makes me resent them and hate my situation that much more. I know my death would destroy them. But the responsibility thrust on me is more than I can handle. I get angry and seclude myself, push everyone away whenever the persistent guilt trips no longer work on me. The weight of it all is unbearable. I would rather just be left alone and sleep my life away or die. But that isn't going to happen without casualties. And so I suffer in silence, fake a smile when I'm able, and pretend to care. I'm so tired of lying. So tired of living.

 

[SpinTop555]

Hi. I'm 34. From Australia. Not long been broken up with after 7 years relationship (I was awful) and a young child. I honestly don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Every moment of consciousness is torture, even my dreams torment me. I wish I was a better, stronger, less fucked up person and mother. My daughter deserves a better life than I can give her. I can barely function at this point due to depression and grief. She has a good dad, she would be better off with him, he's stable in every way, unlike me, and he already has a new partner with kids so my daughter will still have a mother, I hear she's a good person too so I don't worry about my daughter not being looked after well. I am going to leave a note explaining that I truly do love her, just that my mind and heart are too sick to keep going. I'm just not strong enough to fight the sickness that consumes me. I hope one day she won't hate me and can possibly forgive me. I don't want to hurt anyone . I just can't bear to keep going when all I have to look forward to is more pain, more suffering, more failure. I know I should never have become a mother now, I didn't foresee the future though. I am sure my daughter will be better off without me, and so will everyone else. There is no recovery from where I've ended up, and the life that is now my reality. It's constant hell. I just want to stop thinking and feeling anything. I'm the common denominator in all my problems, and the solution is that I just need to end my existence. I have no friends or family to turn to, I've tried multiple medications and therapies over the years, nothing gets better, I always come back to the same place. I just want to be one with oblivion.

 

[Puffinz]

Hi. I'm a 21 year old guy from Washington state in the US. To be honest I've lived a privileged life. I can't remember really having any interests or hobbies since middle school. I've had suicidal thoughts for years but in the last year or so things have become a lot more intense. I just dropped out of college and now I spend all day looking at my computer screen or at the ceiling. I like anime, video games, and taking walks outside. I used to lift weights at the gym and really enjoyed it but the gyms have been closed for almost a year now. If I had one wish I would wish for a girl that loves me and that I could completely be myself around. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to ctb when the time comes. Planning to leave during the first week of 2021. Joined this forum for information on methods as well as a place I can talk to other people like me. :)

 

[neverever]

I am a runner, a nature lover, a worker at a corporate job who once wanted to be a doctor or a therapist, a lonely person who loves people and wishes to be a wonderful family member and friend, a dreamer who until recently thought that she'd get to fulfill her lifelong dream of being a mother.

Background: I lacked a sense of emotional safety as a child and thus grew up to have intense anxiety. I've always wanted close friendships and have often formed them but then later caused them to fracture. Throughout my life, I've been very successful at securing good opportunities and relationships but unsuccessful at maintaining them over time. This pattern has caused me incredible sadness and fatigue.

I began having all-consuming anxiety when I was 8 years old. I remember setting an alarm to do a certain ritual every five minutes while I was home for summer break. A few years later, I discovered distance running and began to experience some relief. Depression eclipsed my life for the first time when I was 16. I was terrified to observe the thoughts that my brain formed of ending my own life. I told my mom about this and was met with her intense fear. Our relationship forever changed in that moment. She has seemed scared of me ever since.

Therapy, and especially one key therapeutic relationship, enabled me to endure college and graduate. I continued running, trying to create good friendships, trying to engage with meaningful work. The up-and-down pattern continued. Finally, at 25, I built up the courage to move to a big city and launch an exciting life. There, I made lots of (neurotypical) friends, got involved with groups of people doing healthy hobbies, and met a wonderful guy.

The wonderful guy was my perfect best friend and partner, and he said that I was his too. He was everything that I'd always dreamed of having but believed that I couldn't have: smart, funny, sweet, successful, well-liked, and adventurous all while appearing healthy and emotionally stable. We shared many hobbies and loved spending time together doing ordinary things. His family felt like my family. My hard work to overcome my anxiety and depression had paid off to reward me with real and enduring love! I couldn't believe my good fortune. Every time I thought about my difficult emotional journey and how it had led me to this safe love story, I felt overcome by gratitude. It was amazing.

The guy quickly became my steady companion and eventually became my husband. We shared our deepest desires, fears, hopes, and dreams with each other and soon pursued a shared (I thought) dream of moving to a city in the mountains. We bought a cute little house and renovated it to our ideal shared vision. We arranged our lives to still feature meaningful work while maximizing opportunities for adventure and rest. We loved our cute little renovated house in the city but still talked about a grander adventure of moving to the rural mountains to raise our family someday.
This summer, approaching our sixth anniversary, he took me on a road trip to scope out sites for our future family house in the mountains. Three weeks later, having given absolutely no warning, he told me that he no longer wanted a life with me, and left. I have not seen him since, and I expect that I will never see him again. The shock of this has flung me into constant suicidal thoughts.

 

[Sherri]

I'm gonna comment what I saw on a series once, the actress was asked to introduce herself and she just said "hello im Effy and I'm a mess" I make her words mine,

 

[sufferingalways]

Hey everybody...
Where to begin?
I'm a shy european girl (22) that found her way to this this forum.
I suffer from chronic back pain after being diagnosed with osteoporosis.
Its caused by me starving myself since my early teens.
My parents don't really care about me or what I do with my life at that point.
This fucking pandemic made my situation even worse because I lost my job and have nothing left that still helps me keep a routine or normal life.
Past trauma has made it that I don't trust my surroundings at all and mostly need a loooong time to open up.
For example: I never told anybody about my suicidal thoughts or intentions and don't intend to do so either. I don't want to be locked up in a mental hospital just because society thinks I'm a failure. In truth society failed me.
Lately I searched for methods on the internet and found the megathreads on here.

A little bit about me:
sugargliders are my favorite animals
pancakes are my favorite food
I love playing the piano
I enjoy listening to nearly every genre of music but at the moment I like techno, house and rap
I love fashion (it might seem shallow but I think it's a way to express oneself)
I like to walk everyday (maybe a little obsessive)
I enjoy watching funny/animal related stuff on youtube

Thanks for reading and I'm looking forward to chatting to some of you

Hi sugarglider I am with you on the fashion thing, I feel the same and have a hobby if designing some clothes. I have past trauma too, and it's normal to be guarded for a loong time as you say. Sorry to hear of your osteoporosis and food issues. How did you get to that situation, if its not too personal to ask?
Sending you hugs. How are you feeling today?

I'm gonna comment what I saw on a series once, the actress was asked to introduce herself and she just said "hello im Effy and I'm a mess" I make her words mine,

I can relate to that. I dislike looking in the mirror.

 

[mjs135]

Hey I'm new here as a member, I've been a longtime lurker and finally got the courage to join! So here I am.
Not quite sure what way I'm going to go but I'm always up for a chat

 

[Johnjohn1]

I am a 56 year old male. I became disabled over a decade ago from a severe adverse reaction to the antibiotic Levaquin. I am on multiple pain medications and deal with the side effects of them plus my original symptoms from the antibiotic adverse reaction. I help take care of my parents for many years with the help of a senior care agency. But with them now passing it is left a huge void in my life. I am still single and have no kids. I have two very caring sisters and several nephews and a niece. My two sisters know how bad I am in terms of my illness and that I am not wanting to live. I know it is very hard on them but I have explained that it is pure torture getting through everyday.


tibiotic

 

[GoneGirl]

Hi I'm a 28 year old female from the UK.. I have been actively suicidal on & off since March this year (2020). Recently I have experienced some remarkable situations & events that have completely blown me away (both positive & negative). I have isolated everybody around me & have lost everything I had in my life including my home & my career. I don't know when exactly I will end my life but I hope it won't be too long now. I keep getting drawn back to this site so I'm hoping this may help me on my way. Thanks for reading.

 

[UiopQwerty]

Well.
Its about time I do the same!

Ima 45 yrs male. Computer/hardware/warez-guy. I have had maaaany computers since the beginning. Like Comodore, ABC80, Sinclair, Amiga...
I've always had work and activities in my life. Relations, plans, future and so on. I love humour, horror, music, anything electronic.
Since like 2019 all of that came down like a pile of shite. Because of problems within me and my family... Ended with divorce and total economic failure! We were forced to separate, wifes son in jail, wifes daughter arrested for abuse and fined. List goes on...
I am trying to get back on my feets usually. It is hard though. Im between CTB & "life goes on".

Anyone curious for details? Ax me. I am here to make me feel something and perhaps make you laugh. I am sure I will edit this text sometime again...

 

[newave3]

Ima 45 yrs male. Computer/hardware/warez-guy. I have had maaaany computers since the beginning. Like Comodore, ABC80, Sinclair, Amiga...

Anyone curious for details? Ax me. I am here to make me feel something and perhaps make you laugh. I am sure I will edit this text sometime again...

Are u sure u want us to ax you?

 

[newave3]

 

[UiopQwerty]

Are u sure u want us to ax you?

Yeah yeah! Ax me all you want!

 

[Hyperborean]

33 year old male here i came across the forum after annoying the Karen's wanting to take it down.

I've had my own battles with depression and suicide so I can sympathise with the members here. People need a place to talk about shit.

 

[WasGehtnAb?]

Good evening.

30yo man from Germany.
Not really interested in normal life, normal people or living in general.

My situation is not bad. I have friends, family and a lot of chances for my life but I still don't feel happy or anything.

I am here to learn about this topic and maybe chat with some not boring people.

Let's see.

 

[mimiopo22]

I am a person with no logical sense. nothin 'else to say.

 

[andme72]

Hello. 25+ yr old in the US. Been suicidal since I was born. Had about 6 overdoses in the last 3 years, never anything serious because I know how unreliable pills are, though the last one would have killed me if I hadn't been found. Lurked around the forum for a while, but also curious to join the conversations.

 

[torimandy]

I am terrible to have been here all these months and not formally introduced myself. I am a 55 year old trans woman in america. I transitioned a little over 10 years and am legally female now. Transition cost me my career and every family connection in my life to include my children. Before becoming disabled due to mental health reasons(5 failed attempt that had negative consequences, none broadcast or attempts made while on any an inebriated state and not looking for attention. Just wanted it to end) I am wonderfully happy being me, but can no longer hold a real job as hate and misogyny from co workers and customers always ends in termination. It's so wonderful to have had a 27 year career where I never had to apply for a job, but was recruited. There are many things medically and socially that might change my life, but I have found advocacy to end at people sending me the results of internet searches and being positive pollys saying see all the resources you have, while not even bothering to check anything out to find only broken links and places saying things like they don't do that.

Bottom line is I have discovered that no matter how positive your outlook is, as soon as doors are slammed in your face it's going to break you down to the studs and you will realize that you can no longer control anything in your life except your life itself. I have no idea how long I will be around now, but will happily point out pitfalls in methods and plans and let everyone know that people are really hard to kill. I know I have tried too many times.

 

[back2605]

I have been on the site anonymously for a long time. Decided to join. Have chronic pain. Am finalizing plans.

 

[Mentalmick]

I joined a while back so this is a bit late. I'm a 47 year old Scotsman, I like all things horror and sci-fi and I ride my motorbike like a complete nutter. Seriously, if you see a red honda cb650r coming in your direction, jump into the nearest ditch. Although that might not help as that's where I'll probably land. Followed by my bike.

 

[Them]

Hi to whoever is reading, im 20 yrs old human great ape from the Baltics

 

[sweater]

Oh! Didn't see this thread yesterday.
I'm a newly 30yr old queer trans man from the US.
Struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 13.
can't wait to finally get out of here.