Introduce yourself

[Pandu]

Hay unos aquí quienes podemos comprenderte. Que es la problema que tienes con SN?

No hay ningún problema, solo lo quería hacer saber...

 

[thehungerartist]

Hi. Just call me Tha. I've felt like "checking out" for as long as I can remember. I was 12 when I first tried, didn't know wtf I was doing. My life has been great on paper but my brain is fucked up and I was cursed with caring about people when they don't even care for themselves. My life is going relatively well right now, externally, but I just know that I'll always feel this way. Meds, therapy, etc work for a bit but never last. I feel obligated to stay and I suppress my pain with booze but I really just want to go but

I'm married and he's my soulmate and I can't do that to him. He's all I have to live for but god I just want out. I don't want to destroy him but also it's my life and I'm tired of feeling...anything.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Hola
Me gustan los gatos, estudio un técnico auxiliar en enfermería, espero que por favor alguien me entienda, Necesito ayuda, pondré en práctica el SN, solo en unos meses...

Hola! ¡Encantada! ¡Mucho gusto!

 

[ghostspace]

I feel like I'm kinda an odd one out here because I'm actually very involved in my community and very social, I'm very much a people person and smile alot, it doesn't logically make sense to be on this forum but life is funny like that.

I'm a people person, too! Involved, neither completely extroverted nor introverted, and generally quite cheerful. Most people in my life would be shocked to find me on this site; you're definitely not the odd one out and there's a place for you here. *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

 

[alexK]

Hi the country I live in is a shithole. I feel like I'm cursed. I have no dreams or hopes for it's impossible for me to be anything here other than the useless waste of space that I really am. My life is withering away so I might just CTB and be done with it once and for all. I like cats and raccoons and squirrels. I watch lots of documentaries and true crimes. I like makeup and painting. Singing as well. I'm friends less and my family is trash. That's about it for now.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Hi the country I live in is a shithole. I feel like I'm cursed. I have no dreams or hopes for it's impossible for me to be anything here other than the useless waste of space that I really am. My life is withering away so I might just CTB and be done with it once and for all. I like cats and raccoons and squirrels. I watch lots of documentaries and true crimes. I like makeup and painting. Singing as well. I'm friends less and my family is trash. That's about it for now.

Hello it's nice to meet you! I love cats too I have 5 Domestic shorthairs. I also like true crime. I really love make up as well! What's your favourite brand of makeup? Here if you need a friendly ear

 

[alexK]

Hello it's nice to meet you! I love cats too I have 5 Domestic shorthairs. I also like true crime. I really love make up as well! What's your favourite brand of makeup? Here if you need a friendly ear

Wow you're lucky to have them. I used to have 4 cats a mother and 3 kittens that I help their mother deliver myself raised them up until they turned 1 and lost them all in a long story. Like I said in another thread, it's a tragedy that will always haunt me and I don't think I'll ever recover. My fav true crime channels are Criminally Listed, Scary Mysteries and That Chapter. I've always been intrigued by tarot readings and psychic powers. Makeup I get all sorts of brands at Sephora.. mostly smash box, KAT von D, makeup forever, urban decay and Anastasia when I have money to waste. But For everyday use and natural looks I'd go for the balm or NYX and Rimmel. If I had to choose one brand it would be THE BALM! What about you?

 

[Underwhelming]

Hi all!

I've been lurking for awhile. Im a 22yo from USA who has depression/anxiety/existential ocd. Im planning on ctb eventually because it all seems meaningless in the end.
I have two dogs, a kitten, and a hedgehog, like listening to music and reading, video games and TV. That is, when im not at work 10 hours a day or sleeping because its a physical job.

Look forward to meeting some of you, thanks for reading.

 

[catfletcher]

Hello everyone.
I live in the UK and am a teacher, wife and Mummy. I have a 3 year old son, an 18 month old daughter and am 32 weeks pregnant with our third baby. I have a long history of mental health issues, but have been symptom free for many years now.
During this pregnancy, I have been experiencing horrible suicidal thoughts, psychosis and intrusive thoughts. I have been signed off work since 10th January. I was detained on a section 136 by the police last month after leaving the house in distress and am now being supported by the perinatal mental health team. They talked about admitting me to hospital but I have been able to stay at home and with my family.
I do not currently have plans to CTB, but thoughts of it are always in my mind and I have found it helpful reading posts here to deal with this.

 

[Wallace]

Hello, my name is Wallace. I've been coping with mixed anxiety and depression for about 25 years now, and I'm running out patience for psychology and psychiatry to help me. I've tried five different meds, all of which seriously messed me up, and five different therapists on and off, none of whom could give me any lasting relief from my troubles. CTB is an intrusive thought for me, and it is getting harder to not listen to it as life just seems to be getting worse.

 

[CheckOut]

Hello, nice to meet like minded people
I am in so much pain having lost everything due to BPD and Bipolar after donating a kidney in Sept 2018. Looking at symptoms I've always had these mental illnesses but they exacerbated after the donation.

Need to CTB, but can't find a method which is doable in UK or I could go through with. Need help!

 

[BlackPoppet]

Hello, nice to meet like minded people
I am in so much pain having lost everything due to BPD and Bipolar after donating a kidney in Sept 2018. Looking at symptoms I've always had these mental illnesses but they exacerbated after the donation.

Need to CTB, but can't find a method which is doable in UK or I could go through with. Need help!

Hello! It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry to hear that your mental health got worse after donating a kidney. Here if you need a friendly ear. Hugs from me to you.

 

[Beautiful_Disgrace]

So I figured I'd finally make an introduction after about a week of posting. I didn't think I'd stay for more than a few days, let alone post consistently. It's been years since I have wanted to do that on a forum.

I am 28 years old. Female. I've been depressed for all of my childhood and suicidal for most of my adulthood. On and off, really. The urge comes every few years when my life goes into an inevitable downslope.

I have PTSD, anxiety, and bipolar along with my depression. I suspect I have BPD, but the doctors in my town suck so I wont know for a long time.

My obsession with suicide started when I was 18. My fiancé killed himself by jumping off a bridge. Took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that he was an abuser and he raped me. My first time was rape. And that's why I've had a strange obsession with sex despite not being able to do it with men I don't trust or love.

Since that tragedy, I was raped two more times in adulthood. Part of me wonders if I was asking for it. Last year I remembered something I've repressed most of my life: I was molested at 6 years old.

I am a very fucked up person. But I'm trying to recover for my three year old son. My only real life relationship happens to be with his father. Getting Emotional support from him is like trying to squeeze water from a rock.

So here I am. It's nice to meet all of you.

 

[BlackPoppet]

So I figured I'd finally make an introduction after about a week of posting. I didn't think I'd stay for more than a few days, let alone post consistently. It's been years since I have wanted to do that on a forum.

I am 28 years old. Female. I've been depressed for all of my childhood and suicidal for most of my adulthood. On and off, really. The urge comes every few years when my life goes into an inevitable downslope.

I have PTSD, anxiety, and bipolar along with my depression. I suspect I have BPD, but the doctors in my town suck so I wont know for a long time.

My obsession with suicide started when I was 18. My fiancé killed himself by jumping off a bridge. Took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that he was an abuser and he raped me. My first time was rape. And that's why I've had a strange obsession with sex despite not being able to do it with men I don't trust or love.

Since that tragedy, I was raped two more times in adulthood. Part of me wonders if I was asking for it. Last year I remembered something I've repressed most of my life: I was molested at 6 years old.

I am a very fucked up person. But I'm trying to recover for my three year old son. My only real life relationship happens to be with his father. Getting Emotional support from him is like trying to squeeze water from a rock.

So here I am. It's nice to meet all of you.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Sending you a hug.

 

[Beautiful_Disgrace]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Sending you a hug.

Thanks but no need to be sorry. It is what it is, and I just have to accept that. If I want to keep living anyway.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Thanks but no need to be sorry. It is what it is, and I just have to accept that. If I want to keep living anyway.

well let's just say I know how you feel. I myself was r**** about 12 years ago! I didn't know the guys that did it. I'm here if you need a caring ear.

 

[Beautiful_Disgrace]

well let's just say I know how you feel. I myself was r**** about 12 years ago! I didn't know the guys that did it. I'm here if you need a caring ear.

That sounds scary, I'm sorry that happened to you. I appreciate it, and same goes for you. I'm fucked up but I'm still a good listener.

 

[BlackPoppet]

That sounds scary, I'm sorry that happened to you. I appreciate it, and same goes for you. I'm fucked up but I'm still a good listener.

thank you. It has affected me badly. But I refuse to be a victim. Those mofos aren't getting the satisfaction. I still feel dirty and grubby because of what they did. Like used goods. Pm me anytime you need! X

 

[blankodanko]

Hi all. I'm a stupid binge drinking loser that always fucks everything up. I'm so tired of life but won't ctb until my parents die. I just want out. Cheers.

 

[narval]

another landing here, registered in january but posting now. loosing vs myself and my errors

 

[itsamadworld]

Hello to all. My name is Kristy. I'm 39, and wanna die, since I was 6 years old...Same ole story, unhappy childhood.....I found myself on this site, because I injured my right knee, and I never had an injury that came on this fast, and I hate being depending on people. I didn't have any social media for a few years, so this is new for me.....Anyways, i had more gradual injuries, like my feet and back over the years working in grocery stores, factories, warehouses forklift driver, the army as an 88M transportation, as a dental assistant, and a HHA/ CNA.....Anways, I never knew the knee would leak so much Synovial fluid making my knee, my whole leg swell up, and here I wanted to die of COVID 19 even though I'm in a low risk category!.....uuuuug I can't win.....but I'm on quarentine, cuz I can't walk! My only way to cope is to exercise and do active jobs, to drink, and smoke c w...but work is not all that great.....To be honest, my jobs over the years, some bitches at my places of labor have given me straight up hell!! ......when all I was trying to do is be a good slave! ....So I am taking my time off to gather up my plan to CTB....people are too cray cray and unstable...I feel better when I have an "exit strategy."....

 

[Nomolos92]

I'm a 48 year old female and live in the UK. I've had a pretty good life, I'm not depressed or sad but I just feel like an emotionless robot and I'm tired.

 

[BlackPoppet]

I'm a 48 year old female and live in the UK. I've had a pretty good life, I'm not depressed or sad but I just feel like an emotionless robot and I'm tired.

Hugs from me to you. I'm from The UK too!

I'm a 48 year old female and live in the UK. I've had a pretty good life, I'm not depressed or sad but I just feel like an emotionless robot and I'm tired.

 

[Nomolos92]

Hugs from me to you. I'm from The UK too!

Thanks but hugs do nothing for me, you may as well hug the wall

 

[Epsilon0]

Thanks but hugs do nothing for me, you may as well hug the wall

There is so much truth in the quote in your avatar...

 

[I_love_to_bake]

Hi. I have lots of mental illnesses. But mostly psychotic depression. But sometimes I bake or go hiking. Can't bake anymore because my mom kicked me out. I just lie on the ground all day.

I don't rationally want to ctb. I get into psychotic episodes sometimes and want to ctb but I think it's irrational.

My goal is to meet nice people and try to make something of my life.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Hi. I have lots of mental illnesses. But mostly psychotic depression. But sometimes I bake or go hiking. Can't bake anymore because my mom kicked me out. I just lie on the ground all day.

I don't rationally want to ctb. I get into psychotic episodes sometimes and want to ctb but I think it's irrational.

My goal is to meet nice people and try to make something of my life.

Its very nice to meet you!

 

[netrezven]

Hi, been here for almost 2 years. Still can't escape what triggered me back then. Now i know i have did or osdd/1b. I have no idea who i am anymore.
1. a child alter that took all the trauma/shit we ever had during our live, want's to die so much. (he is around 15y old).
2.Max - the strongest part. He makes money and business desigions. Lots of money. He also have insane power over everything in this world. Also got the child trauma, but will never tell the story. No fear, no shame, pure math and action. Very ambitious. He does not care about money, he wants mostly power and secure escape for us from the mess he creates some times. Existed in around 10 years. Max /not like he gives a f*ck at all/ can't uderstand why people will think, that our system is a wekness. He won't let any of us tell this thruth again. No one knows us here, and he dosn't care /he will delete this post later/.
3.Mike - the cute part. Likes to be around people and have fun. Good with people. However he does not understand some basics, like when innocently talking with women can make them crush on us, whitch happens often and leads to stupid situations. No negative emotions. He was the host many ears ago, but splited and has no trauma and bad memories. Stucked in his 20s.
4.Many - female, lesbian, f*ck. She can follow orders from Max and also make money and be dangerous. You don't wanna fuck around with her. Very flirty with women but realises that, not like Mike. Addicted to adrenaline, parties, everything pervert and exciting. Again no fear at all and no negative emotions. She is the emotional protector of the system. She's been here since we were at least 14, but started to activate and talk with us a month or two ago. She dos not age and is still around 20.
5.Other parts like me - holding fractual trauma with lots of fear. None of us down here wants to exist at all. I was created 2 years ago, i look like my body in his 20s, hate this appearance with those cheap clothes, hate myself and the mistakes i made by beeint too innocent, naive and stupid. All this stuff is now me, the others don't have it. So i'm usually the one who creates and leaves a mess to fix.
6.Deeper trauma parts we hope will never ever come back.

Whoever we are left, we do not consider our biological parents as parents. They are not bad people. It's just the timing, we were created later in life in order to survive. It's a mess. When i switch everything will be fine again and this wolrd will ours again.

 

[Epsilon0]

Hi. I have lots of mental illnesses. But mostly psychotic depression. But sometimes I bake or go hiking. Can't bake anymore because my mom kicked me out. I just lie on the ground all day.

I don't rationally want to ctb. I get into psychotic episodes sometimes and want to ctb but I think it's irrational.

My goal is to meet nice people and try to make something of my life.

That's a wonderful goal! Welcome to SS.

 

[Hollow Point]

Hello. I'm almost 30, from Canada, and I found this place when researching methods online. I've been homeless for the last year and a bit. I sleep in a very dangerous homeless shelter at night, and try to temp work when I can for money.

The shelter offers breakfast lunch and dinner so food isn't really a problem...even though it forces me to hang around the bad area. Line ups are long and usually full of drama. The portions are decent so I can usually get by with just lining up for dinner.

I sleep on a blue mat on the floor shoulder to shoulder with many other homeless, most with addiction and mental health issues. Or both. There are constant fights, yelling, drug dealing and use, and just everything else you think goes on at shelters.

The temp work I occasionally can get allows me a little freedom. Sometimes I can get a airbnb for a few days, if i want to say have some drinks by myself one night. It provides for my smokes, medication, phone bill, food, and the odd treat here and there. Sometimes it can be awhile between jobs so it's far from stable income.

I have no friends to speak of, and I dont have a good relationship with my family, never have. They are toxic. I chose to be on my own and handle my life solo. I have no dependents thank god.

I've seen so much and been through even more on the streets. If you have any questions about living on the streets, or living in a shelter, let me know. I'm full of valuable information regarding that.

I'm tired of living day to day with nothing real to look forward to. My life is nothing but a drawn out race to a early death anyway. As soon as I find a good method, the next time I snap and get sick of everything will probably be my last time. Hopefully my last.

I've had several attempts before, but I can honestly say they were half hearted. I do believe I will succeed the daily it truly becomes enough. That day is inevitable and approaching fast, but I'm not anticipating it. I'm basically on auto pilot ready to evacuate the plane at any moment, with no reason to stay, or no reason to leave. Whatever happens happens. All I know is I cant keep this life up much longer. If things dont change, and it looks like they never will, I'm going to end my own life.

I hope to meet some of you and get to know some like minded people. My struggles with suicide and life have been so private. It would be a welcome change to openly talk about it and have my choice accepted. Much love