Introduce yourself

[weallhaveourghosts]

Hi I'm Em. I'm 29 and have no plan to turn 30 this year (would be in April). I had intended to CTB in February but fear of failing (again) has kept me here so far. I'm here because I've fucked up my life and am too tired and depressed and lonely to try and build it again. I've done it too many times but life keeps throwing punches and I'm done fighting.

 

[ventingfrustrations]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

I'm an atheist (I have to hope for no after life) I abused 7 dogs physically due to anger and depression and now I'm really depressed about it

 

[blackIronPrison]

Hi all, I'm 26m from the US. Long time unregistered lurker, only recently actually made an account. I've dealt with these thoughts since I was 14, and this year allot of conditions seem to be right (no friends, no partner, no contact with family, no remaining opportunities, essentially all possible avenues have already been pursued) so I hope to have ctb before the years out.

In the meantime I like reading manga (and books when I have some energy), music, and video games.

 

[Saponification]

I'm an atheist (I have to hope for no after life) I abused 7 dogs physically due to anger and depression and now I'm really depressed about it

Same here, unfortunately. I've a rare mental condition that makes me explode in uncontrollable fits of rage and I used to abuse my pets due to it. I'm better now, though.

I don't talk about this a lot since people will think you're a piece of shit for it (and rightfully so, don't get me wrong), but it's one of the main reasons why I hate myself.

 

[goldenbuddha]

Hi everyone, i'm 40 years of age, male. The reason i consider shortening my current life incurable brain damage. It makes my life painful with constant headache and i'm not in a state where i could pick up a job. Also meditation is hardly possible which is a big bummer for me.

Sorry if i'm a bit opiniated but i guess it comes with getting older and learning more things.
In my opinion it is not really a good idea of making your life shorter because of mental problems. Often you can just work through them and try different things.
On the top of my list is going to nature often because nature gives off a very postive energy.
Right after that i would recommend people to try Lithium and Methylene Blue.
Also watching NDE's can give you some new ideas including learning from your mistakes and self- forgiveness.
Two popular YT channels:
www.youtube.com/@cominghomechannel/videos
www.youtube.com/@IANDSvideos/videos

And then i also want to make an important point about vaccines. Since the start of the whole covid thing they have added advanced nanotechnology to most jabs. This technology is interfering with peoples neurology and can lead to increased depression and anxiety. It has been developed by the US military in secret and then given to all the vaccine companies.
One antidote to this tech is Methylene Blue which is why i advice anyone with mental problems to try it. You usually start with one drop on a glass of water.
Here is some microscopic evidence: https://anamihalceamdphd.substack.com/p/measles-mumps-rubella-and-varicella-876

 

[Izzythebelle]

Hi everyone!

27F, USA. I've lurked on this website a lot over the past year or two and reached a point where I'm struggling to decide whether I should main the recovery boards or the suicide discussion boards. I used to live on these kinds of internet forums and I've spent so long dancing around "censorship" (like TikTok using "grape" in place of "rape") that it's nice to know of a place we can just say that and be honest about the harsh cruelty of things.

Currently going through IFS Therapy. If anyone's familiar with it or wants to know more, or would love to hear a stranger ramble autistically about how they Dungeons and Dragons'd their mental illness into therapy, or just want to chat, send me a message!

 

[DarknessWave]

Hi everyone,

I'm just a regular guy in Australia that enjoys listening to music and having stuff like severe social anxiety. I get very nervous when i ever have to talk to someone in person cause i will be scared to mess it up like i always am. I am figuring out how to get less nervous to talk to people. I am on anti-depression medication and have therapy session every two weeks. It does help a bit but not as much as i wanted it too. I joined this site because here it feels like a safe place to share your feelings and everyone here is so friendly to everybody.


Thanks for reading this,
DarknessWave.

 

[Zoro1029]

Hi Everyone. I'm M30 in the US. I've thoughts about CTB for a long time but the current political state of the country has made me decide to prep earlier in case things get real bad soon.

Otherwise I enjoy anime/manga and happy to be part of this community.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Greetings! I'm an approximately 60 year old male, mixed background but mostly white, husband, father, ex-Jehovah's Witness elder, currently Catholic, employed, American. People think I'm a little odd but I'm generally perceived as "normal". I've occasionally lurked here and wanted to join because I want to be able to openly discuss things which I dare not bring up in general conversation. I'm almost always misunderstood. I have no hobbies, never take vacation, nothing makes me happy, and I've always been this way.

 

[Defect]

`Hello folks i am 30 yo male from Poland. im living with spinal cord injury that made me paralyzed from neck below and puts me into machine ventilation . Accident happened when i was like 6 yo kid so my whole life as disabled tied to bed. despite that i try live as normally as it's possible. Thanks to my parents who are taking care of me. im traveling attend event like concerts and so on. ii was feeling ok for most part of my 30 year long life, butin last two years my health conditions become worse as i got chronic pains and im fighting it to this days. Becoming 30 also played factor on my mental health passing that "magic" line of "youth" makes you reminescent summarize your whole life. i look at people in my age my friends. they have wifes kids bought houses and other stuff that adult people do. meanwhile i myself are stuck at the same point i was always. tied to bed living with parents. future isn't looking bright my parents are both 70 years old. how long will they able to care of me? realistically it's matter of time when they got serious sickness what will happen then? i don't see myself in the some horrible safe house but it might be reality soon.

There's lot other thoughts in my head. im trapped in this shitty body that ruined my life ripped me off from experience things like love sex simply being wanted by someone. has this physical connection. im 30 and never had any sexual/romantic experience and it's obvious that i never wont have it

my body and mind aren't working together. in my head im normal guy with all desire and urges but my body is useless meat

i don't know what to do i never shared thoughts with family and friends cuz i didn't want to saddened them (or i was ashamed if it comes to sexual things) and that was most likely mistake and I should say that something earlier maybe it would change something like but in the end problem is in my body and it's unfixable

worst thing is that i can't kms without help of third person and I don't want put someone in this traumatic situation

im stuck

 

[NoPoint2Life]

`Hello folks i am 30 yo male from Poland. im living with spinal cord injury that made me paralyzed from neck below and puts me into machine ventilation . Accident happened when i was like 6 yo kid so my whole life as disabled tied to bed. despite that i try live as normally as it's possible. Thanks to my parents who are taking care of me. im traveling attend event like concerts and so on. ii was feeling ok for most part of my 30 year long life, butin last two years my health conditions become worse as i got chronic pains and im fighting it to this days. Becoming 30 also played factor on my mental health passing that "magic" line of "youth" makes you reminescent summarize your whole life. i look at people in my age my friends. they have wifes kids bought houses and other stuff that adult people do. meanwhile i myself are stuck at the same point i was always. tied to bed living with parents. future isn't looking bright my parents are both 70 years old. how long will they able to care of me? realistically it's matter of time when they got serious sickness what will happen then? i don't see myself in the some horrible safe house but it might be reality soon.

There's lot other thoughts in my head. im trapped in this shitty body that ruined my life ripped me off from experience things like love sex simply being wanted by someone. has this physical connection. im 30 and never had any sexual/romantic experience and it's obvious that i never wont have it

my body and mind aren't working together. in my head im normal guy with all desire and urges but my body is useless meat

i don't know what to do i never shared thoughts with family and friends cuz i didn't want to saddened them (or i was ashamed if it comes to sexual things) and that was most likely mistake and I should say that something earlier maybe it would change something like but in the end problem is in my body and it's unfixable

worst thing is that i can't kms without help of third person and I don't want put someone in this traumatic situation

im stuck

Your post really moved me so I felt the need to comment. That is a real shitty situation You've been dealt and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I would bet that your friends and family probably do know what you're thinking. It's just left unsaid because not much can be done about it and it's all painful things to talk about. But if you want to talk about it, I'm sure they will. I'm sure anyone close to you has imagined themselves in your situation. They probably have a lot of opinions/advice to offer.
.I know stuff like that sure gets me thinking a lot.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're here, but welcome to sasu.

 

[LimpandNumb]

Hi everyone, I'm middle aged female from UK.
I love cats and being outdoors.
I'm here because you all seem decent enough to be supportive and empathetic. I have a shitty disease which means I'm constantly in pain. I do not wish for my health to deteriorate over decades etc. I'm here to educate myself and have a chat along the way.
Best wishes.

 

[Tumblewillow]

Hello everyone! I'm 27F from the UK. Here because I messed my life up due to untreated trauma. In school I was a straight A student and by the time I left I had the worst attendance of any student in the history of my school due to decades of abuse from an alcoholic parent.

Was kicked out of sixth form, attempted suicide twice which caused my friends to abandon me and move on. Developed chronic agoraphobia, panic attacks and CPTSD then lost another 7 years of my life being housebound because of it.

I am considered as being on road to recovery but it's the hardest thing I've ever done, the grief and trauma can still be overwhelming sometimes and I have no where else to turn.

Misery aside, I love nature, bugs, mythology, fantasy books (stormlight archives!), walking and writing hehe! I hope I can survive my life , and want to work in healthcare if I make it. If not, I hope I can find peace and finally rest. <3

 

[hhtroc]

Copying that post i made cause I did not see this thread: Unbelievable it has come to this not gonna lie. I actually think unlike a lot of people with severe depression I always coped with a light at the end of the tunnel. I was severly mentally abused as a child, living with a suicidal single parent who bullied me for getting fat after over eating to cope. Got sexually assaulted a bunch by two other kids who were also abused. Then got anorexic. Now okay weight, bit fat to cope with my face and lack of cheekbones but whatever. I have crippling BDD, I quit law school. I was relentlessly bullied in school. for a time. I hate myself so much, i think I am disfigured. I have been in therapy for 12 years. Not had a gf for 5 years and even when I did, I never loved them, all the gfs i had before literally threw themselves at me, I don't talk to people and i can't make friends due to fear of rejection and I barely feel like a human anymore. Every day I feel so much panic. I moved in with my depressed dad, I gotta tell him to shower at points. I am still in uni for political science but like, who cares about that these days and do work for 4 hours a day but recently i have had a lot of breakdowns and I am 27 year old now and I dont wanna live in the shadows anymore. I met this unbelievably cool girl online, we are literal soulmates. She lost her last boyfriend to suicide so she is kinda fixated on me. If i could somehow be with her that would make everything so much better but I have seen pictures of him and atleast he looked human. I can't send her a pic of me, it spikes my anxiety to unbelievable amounts and made me realize how fucked my life truly is. Before I go I will tell her that I am going to the psych ward so she does not need to worry. I am also ashamed of having these thoughts about a dead man. I have no sense of self worth from being told I am worth nothing for so long, I am so scared of rejection it is unbelievable. These last days I have been going through unbelievable panics, I met a friend who is one of the only ones i have left and even he was kinda dismissive. I won't matter much to anyone for biological reasons, I give off signs of bad health, we are animals after all. People at work like me but I am tired of styling my hair, watching what I eat, the skin care, the clothes to cover up stuff like gyno from puberty that I never got removed because psychologists told me it's bdd. Close people to me have died like flies or gone away these last years. I am scared of basically everything but no one irl would ever know. One offhand remark like i look tired will ruin my week with anxiety. It was never in the cards and I want a way out to have some sort of control. I will go for a couple more appointments and get my post counter up so I can look for the methods, then leave. I have a beautiful idea of my death and it calms me. If I atleast had anyone by my side. But I don't. My mom will kill herself once I do but she has been wanting to her whole life and made it a point to tell me about it every day. My dad will probably be rly sad but he is numb from the sertraline. I am sad for the couple people in my life that care about me like my therapist or people at work. I am so tired of this real abuse and also the constant OCD/BDD hating me in my ear and me panicking and calming myself down every day. I was mean at points to people but overall I have always tried to be a good person. I think I will be remembered as a good person at least.

 

[aslostasyouare33]

I'm fucking frustrated and losing it. Im in excruciating physical pain everyday, I have to eat by feeding tube. I can't do shit, I'm stuck with a family who is lazy and drives me into a depression harder than dying from these diseases. And I'm lonely as hell. So that's me. Super exciting

 

[Cauliflour]

I misspelled "cauliflower" in a visual novel name entering thing a while back and now it's just an alias that lingers in my head whenever a game asks me to name the main character. That and the word "caramel". I'm also a massive tech nerd so there's that. I've started playing Persona 1 and I named myself "Dreamcas" (I couldn't fit the t in) which is funny because it's a Playstation game. I won't elaborate any more because I don't want people tracing me.

Take a doodle for the road:

 

[ione]

Hello, folks.

I kind of feel stupid even posting here since my reasons for wanting to ctb feel inconsequential compared to a lot of other people. I'm 26, and I have a fairly decent relationship with my family. My childhood kind of sucked, but not horrifically. Mostly I just feel lost in life. I feel less competent than most people? Ill-equipped? I guess I just feel like my life serves no purpose or anything. Still, I'm trying to work through things as best as I can, going through therapy and all that.

As far as my interests go, I'm a fan of older anime/manga, Fire Emblem, D&D, and other miscellaneous nerd shit. I used to enjoy reading and writing, but I've fallen into a bit of a depression spiral so it's been a while since I've engaged in those things. If I ever get better, I think I'd really love to be a writer of some kind. But we'll see.

 

[aslostasyouare33]

Hi, don't worry friend we are all just as lost as you are no matter the situation. I'm into most of what you are into. I'm curious as to what kind of writing you do? If you don't mind me asking of course

 

[welshspider]

Hi welshspider 54m, looking for like minded people who think about death all the time, but doesn't want to ctb.
I enjoy cooking and chilling, talking shit about anything and everything.
If anyone's interested then drop me a line
Cheers

 

[ione]

Hi, don't worry friend we are all just as lost as you are no matter the situation. I'm into most of what you are into. I'm curious as to what kind of writing you do? If you don't mind me asking of course

I don't mind at all. I'm more of a creative writer, but I've mostly just written fanfic, so nothing especially cool or anything. Ideally, I'd like to start writing my own original fiction soon, but I haven't been feeling so inspired. (Assuming you were replying to me)

 

[aslostasyouare33]

I don't mind at all. I'm more of a creative writer, but I've mostly just written fanfic, so nothing especially cool or anything. Ideally, I'd like to start writing my own original fiction soon, but I haven't been feeling so inspired. (Assuming you were replying to me)

Yes I was responding to you. I myself am an avid reader. I'm interested in your fanfiction, If you don't mind sharing. I'll understand if you don't feel comfortable with that of course

 

[ione]

Yes I was responding to you. I myself am an avid reader. I'm interested in your fanfiction, If you don't mind sharing. I'll understand if you don't feel comfortable with that of course

Well, some of it is published on the 'net, but I'm not too sure about publicly linking you to it -- my friends would know what my account is and would be able to ID me. I'd PM you if I could, but it seems like my post count is too low for that?

I appreciate the interest, though!

 

[aslostasyouare33]

It's okay, it's all understandable. Still a bit disappointed but It's nice to find another person who enjoys the same things

 

[MathConspiracy]

Hiya! I've wanted to CTB for some time now and I'm looking for a peaceful method.

Anyway, about me. I try not to tell too much in case there are any pro-lifers here. I love to sing and write poems. I've been taking lessons for singing for 4 years now and my chosen style is classical. As my username implies, I absolutely hate math and studying. I see no point in learning when I just want to exit. Pretty brief but that's all I have to say for now.

 

[plasticlove]

Hi.
23/F/US. Generally useless, lol

Recent college grad and aimless. Depressed my whole life. Not very interested in CTB right now, but was looking for a straightforward community that isn't afraid to talk about this stuff.

 

[allmylife]

Hi! Female, almost 35. Feel so lost and lonely around people, always uncomfortable.. I just want to be like everyone else. Really appreciates animals, silent walks in the forest, music. Hope to be able to decide what to do.

 

[worthless creature]

haii hai, im 26 f living in the us, but from south america originally. my life has been constantly getting worse since i was 14. the emptiness has all but consumed everything in my life. the love of my life abandoned me and after 6 ish months reached out (we stopped talking because it was too painful for me after she left). i still am in love with her and feel like she leads me on to keep me in her life for whatever reason. i have my date set and am anxiously waiting for it to arrive. plus the state in america and kind of the world for trans people is a nightmare right now and i go to sleep sad. then wake up to more terrible news.

i like music, art, i write a lot of poetry, and vidya games. lurking for a long time, but wanted to have some community that is pro choice + not afraid to talk about things socially people dont like to speak about and i want to give back somehow for the kidness ive received.

 

[whitenoise-]

hi everyone !! i'm 21 (not sure about my gender as embarrassing as that is) and a student living in the us. i feel a little ashamed of joining and posting here because i haven't had much trauma or anything that would cause this, but i've been depressed or have wanted to CTB on and off for a decade now. i've struggled with self hatred for just as long, and it's exhausting. it's been generally worse in the past year, and my best friend essentially stopped talking to me a month or so ago, so i've started planning.

i've been lurking here actively for a few months now (although i'd lurked a little bit before that as well) and thought it would be good to join and at least talk to a community that could relate. i'm still not 100% that i want to CTB yet, so not fully sure whether i should talk more in recovery or suicide discussion, but i guess we'll see.

other than that, i generally like video games, music, anime, etc. i like reading if i can find the motivation to. i guess i like math as well lol. my username is half a reference to my favorite astrobrite album, half a reference to the novel.

 

[Kotaru Chan]

I'm 23, female, Brazilian.

Wanna ctb cuz life's nonsense and I'm so tired of this fucking shit.

All over the world, the people, the injustice, the sick, the poor, global warming, and fucking Trump as president—aaaargh… It's sooo tiring to live in a society with all its prejudice, racism, homophobia.

All the money in the world in the hands of only SIX, FUCKING SIX (probably white men). Y'all see it? We have a war happening in real-time on our planet—for WHAT exactly?! IDK. Im tired guyz.. So many...

 

[goneangels]

Hi. 24F. I don't want to die but I think it's very likely I'll self harm to death as a result of my OCD soon-ish. It's currently fixated on cyanide and SN poisoning. It's like being possessed by a middle school bully that can read your mind, is smarter than you, and wants you to die! unsure how likely I am to CTB but I already cyanide'd myself twice in a non-lethal manner, so