Venting Incapable of feeling joy due to chronic pain

[Topaz111]

I wanted to fuckin distract myself and calm myself down so I tried to cross stitch again
Fuck the headache I got from leaning over the loom and eye pain too
And a stomach ache from tea for some damn reason????
And tinnitus making listening to music suck
Like, every single fucking thing that helps me cope has been taken away from me by some form of chronic pain
Video games? Cross stitching? Eye pain and headache
Colouring? Hand pain and headache
Eating/drinking anything? Reflux, gastric pain and headache
Sleeping? Reflux, gastric pain, headache and nightmares
Music? Tinnitus
Going out in nature? Every form of chronic pain I chronic pain I experience
How the fuck am I supposed to "cope"?
I tried my motherfucking best, but the illnesses slowly ate away at any joy I had in life until I had nothing left. There is no point now.


Ugh I'm starting to ramble more now, I hate how much of a mess I am becoming

 

[thelostautistic]

I'm sorry you're dealing with chronic pain too. It ruins everything

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm in the same boat. In the end, it's logical to be suicidal. All my miserable life, my family & therapists said to me that it was "just psychological" or "only stress", but it's not that simple !! Nobody can really understand us. I really hope we can find some relief and peace (in this fucking world or in afterlife).

 

[Topaz111]

I'm in the same boat. In the end, it's logical to be suicidal. All my miserable life, my family & therapists said to me that it was "just psychological" or "only stress", but it's not that simple !! Nobody can really understand us. I really hope we can find some relief and peace (in this fucking world or in afterlife).

Thank you for the kind words <3
Healthy people aren't able to understand this sadly, it's one of those things that you have to experience yourself to see what it is like and it is a very isolating experience. I hope you will find relief too, in whatever form will be available for you. I hope there is a happy afterlife for me, though even an eternity of non-existance is better than living in this body. I just have to wait a little bit longer..

 

[Endisclose]

I wanted to fuckin distract myself and calm myself down so I tried to cross stitch again
Fuck the headache I got from leaning over the loom and eye pain too
And a stomach ache from tea for some damn reason????
And tinnitus making listening to music suck
Like, every single fucking thing that helps me cope has been taken away from me by some form of chronic pain
Video games? Cross stitching? Eye pain and headache
Colouring? Hand pain and headache
Eating/drinking anything? Reflux, gastric pain and headache
Sleeping? Reflux, gastric pain, headache and nightmares
Music? Tinnitus
Going out in nature? Every form of chronic pain I chronic pain I experience
How the fuck am I supposed to "cope"?
I tried my motherfucking best, but the illnesses slowly ate away at any joy I had in life until I had nothing left. There is no point now.


Ugh I'm starting to ramble more now, I hate how much of a mess I am becoming

Can strongly relate to what you're going through. Have had chronic pain - physical pain every day for the last six years and still going...its just made my life absolutely miserable .

 

[Endisclose]

I wanted to fuckin distract myself and calm myself down so I tried to cross stitch again
Fuck the headache I got from leaning over the loom and eye pain too
And a stomach ache from tea for some damn reason????
And tinnitus making listening to music suck
Like, every single fucking thing that helps me cope has been taken away from me by some form of chronic pain
Video games? Cross stitching? Eye pain and headache
Colouring? Hand pain and headache
Eating/drinking anything? Reflux, gastric pain and headache
Sleeping? Reflux, gastric pain, headache and nightmares
Music? Tinnitus
Going out in nature? Every form of chronic pain I chronic pain I experience
How the fuck am I supposed to "cope"?
I tried my motherfucking best, but the illnesses slowly ate away at any joy I had in life until I had nothing left. There is no point now.


Ugh I'm starting to ramble more now, I hate how much of a mess I am becoming

I used to have frequent headaches too. I finally found out that it was from indigestion related to acid reflux from having low stomach acid. I'd recommend trying an alkaline diet and seeing if it works - My current diet consists of steamed white rice, boiled vegetables, morris bananas, egg white protein powder + essential mineral and vitamin supplements.

 

[Topaz111]

I used to have frequent headaches too. I finally found out that it was from indigestion related to acid reflux from having low stomach acid. I'd recommend trying an alkaline diet and seeing if it works - My current diet consists of steamed white rice, boiled vegetables, morris bananas, egg white protein powder + essential mineral and vitamin supplements.

Most of my headaches are caused by reflux content getting into my sinuses. I take vitamins, I'm already on a very restrictive reflux diet and follow the usual lifestyle adjustments, but it doesn't help. I had a ph test done as a child and it came back normal despite me having reflux symtoms, that along with the fact that PPIs don't help me much points to me having non-acidic reflux. An endoscopy showed I have a weak/dysfunctional lower esophageal sphincter which sadly can only be fixed by surgery and I will most likely CTB before that happens since it would take over a year and I don't think I could handle having a surgery anyway due to my severe medical trauma.
I'm glad you found something that works for you though!