Inability to have children

[RainAndSadness]

Hello there. I've read some stories of people that are suicidal despite having children. But as a transwoman, my problem is actually the opposite. The inability to have my own children. I can't get pregnant and therefore never have offspring. That's simply not scientifically possible yet. At least not as a woman. Not the natural way. And it sucks because I know I'll never be able to experience something that is granted for most women. Something that many women will experience at some point in their life. And I will probably be depraved of that experience for the rest of my life. It must be a very lovely journey to feel your own child growing inside of you, right? I think if I had my own children, it would actually make me less suicidal. It would give me peace to some extend. And if I could have children, it would also validate me I guess, which would make me feel good. I wouldn't feel as 'fake' as I do right now, because I'm very unhappy with my current situation. And it's probably gonna stay like that for quite a while. I started my transition 2 years ago and I made so little progress during that time. I will be busy fixing my body for the next 10 years probably, until I reached a good spot. A point where I can accept myself, a point where I feel good enough, you know.

I also know that there are women or women with an intersex background who can't get children too. Are there other people that share this frustration? It's one of the severe consequences you will have to accept at some point if you're trans. But I would also love to hear from you, if you experienced pregnancy and raising a child. I think it would be interesting to hear how it felt like and if it changed something for you.

 

[Miss clefable]

Hello there. I've read some stories of people that are suicidal despite having children. But as a transwoman, my problem is actually the opposite. The inability to have my own children. I can't get pregnant and therefore never have offspring. That's simply not scientifically possible yet. At least not as a woman. Not the natural way. And it sucks because I know I'll never be able to experience something that is granted for most women. Something that manywomen will experience at some point in their life. And I will probably be depraved of that experience for the rest of my life. It must be a very lovely journey to feel your own child growing inside of you, right? I think if I had my own children, it would actually make me less suicidal. It would give me peace to some extend. And if I could have children, it would also validate me I guess, which would make me feel good. I wouldn't feel as 'fake' as I do right now, because I'm very unhappy with my current situation. And it's probably gonna stay like that for quite a while. I started my transition 2 years ago and I made so little progress during that time. I will be busy fixing my body for the next 10 years probably, until I reached a good spot. A point where I can accept myself, a point where I feel good enough, you know.

I also know that there are women or women with an intersex background who can't get children too. Are there other people that share this frustration? It's one of the severe consequences you will have to accept at some point if you're trans. But I would also love to hear from you, if you experienced pregnancy and raising a child. I think it would be interesting to hear how it felt like and if it changed something for you.

Hugs I can relate

 

[Gainax]

Even for trans women there the possibility of generating kids by artificial insemination, if you have store your semen before taking hrt and have sex removal surgery then the child will be biologically yours with the help of a cis female, this is the kind of thing transgender people have to be aware of before starting the transition.

see this video

 

[15dec]

I'm not trans so I can't empathise fully, but I certainly understand the pain of wanting children but not being able to. I'd love to have children but for me my mental health would mean I'm incapable of giving them a good upbringing and they'd be likely so differ the exact same as I do. It's a horrible injustice when people like you cannot have their own children while there are plenty of parents who have many children they don't want or don't look after properly. I wish I could somehow give you my ability to have kids (sorry if that sounds weird!)

Even for trans women there the possibility of generating kids by artificial insemination, if you have store your semen before taking hrt and have sex removal surgery then the child will be biologically yours with the help of a cis female, this is the kind of thing transgender people have to be aware of before starting the transition.

see this video

This is certainly a good idea, and if you can you should look into it. Sending you hugs

 

[RainAndSadness]

Even for trans women there the possibility of generating kids by artificial insemination, if you have store your semen before taking hrt and have sex removal surgery then the child will be biologically yours with the help of a cis female, this is the kind of thing transgender people have to be aware of before starting the transition.

see this video

Thanks. I knew about the option to bank sperm but sadly it's not an option for everyone. I considered doing it before I started my transition but decided against it. It's very expensive and the costs can add up very quickly. I'm living in poverty so I had to make the decision against it. And it's not a longterm solution either because the sperm will lose quality very quickly while frozen. You probably would have to redo it after a couple of years. It also only works if my partner can have children, right? If I'm dating a guy or a transwoman there is nobody to inseminate. That's only an option if you're dating a women with working reproduction organs. And for me personally, that option is probably gone for good because I'm already sterile.

I'm not trans so I can't empathise fully, but I certainly understand the pain of wanting children but not being able to. I'd love to have children but for me my mental health would mean I'm incapable of giving them a good upbringing and they'd be likely so differ the exact same as I do. It's a horrible injustice when people like you cannot have their own children while there are plenty of parents who have many children they don't want or don't look after properly. I wish I could somehow give you my ability to have kids (sorry if that sounds weird!)

Haha, no. I totally unterstand you and I would like to take that offer. I wish that was possible. Imagine if transwomen and transmen could switch bodies, that would be really amazing and a win-win situation for everyone. The only alternative that we have right now is adopting but I still feel like it's a different thing. I assume there is a very deep connection if your child grows inside of you and it would be incredible if I was able to experience it.

 

[deathbycakes]

): sending you a big hugs

 

[JustAboutDone]

I wouldn't feel as 'fake' as I do right now, because I'm very unhappy with my current situation. And it's probably gonna stay like that for quite a while. I started my transition 2 years ago and I made so little progress during that time. I will be busy fixing my body for the next 10 years probably, until I reached a good spot. A point where I can accept myself, a point where I feel good enough, you know.

I'm not trans so I'm not even going to attempt to say I can imagine how you must feel but from your eloquent post your pain is palpable and I'm sorry :-(

Sending you hugs

I don't know what the future holds for you as you move forward but I wish all good things to come your way if you decide not to ctb.

I won't ever say "don't feel fake" as that would be wrong to invalidate how you feel but you're not "fake" in any way. You're real and true and a breathing heart and soul human being of value - don't let the temporary wrong exterior packaging define you or make you feel in any way inadequate or less than anyone else because you're not.

With love xx

 

[BagofBones]

I have endometriosis. The chance of me ever conceiving is slim to none. Sometimes it makes me feel like less of a "woman" when my family and my boyfriend talk about wanting kids and I know I cant supply... The worst part is, my endometriosis only got bad in the last 10 years...when I was 19 I ended up pregnant from a sexual assault..I terminated the pregnancy.

Karma is a Bitch. :/

On a positive note, I know three couples who adopted children and the bond seems to be just as deep because they found eachother. Best of luck and Hugs <3

 

[johnny]

If you are depressed or suicidal then you should not be having kids. Period, end of story.

 

[RainAndSadness]

If you are depressed or suicidal then you should not be having kids. Period, end of story.

I partly agree. I've read that depression is heritable, that means if you're depressed there is a high chance of your children suffering from depression too. But that alone doesn't make you a good or bad parent, right? How many parents aren't depressed and suicidal and yet completely fail to raise a child? I think people that didn't have it easy probably make better parents than people who were swimming in privileges their whole life. Especially when it comes to teaching values and how to treat others. We have a completely different view on life than people who never struggled. I think we are actually able to prepare children for the cruel world out there way better than any normal people ever could.

Also, my parents divorced when I was a 6 years old. I think that had much more of a negative impact than anything else I experienced as a kid. It's well know that divorcing parents can be a very difficult experience for children. Should parents who don't know if they will divorce in the next 18 years also refrain from having children?

It never will be possible because of your chromosomes.

What do you mean? Chromosomes don't have anything to do with the ability to bear children.

 

[Final Escape]

Even though I could have had children, I still missed out because I didn't want to be a single mother. I know it's been normalized these days but I don't think it would have been a enjoyable experience unless I had a good husband and provider. Unfortunately I had low self esteem, complex ptsd, borderline personality disorder, and failed to find a good man when I was attractive and it was easier to find a partner. I would have had children if abortion was not legal, but then I would have been on welfare and struggling unless I gave them up for adoption which would be hard to do. So I wasn't on board with becoming dependent on other tax payers money because I got pregnant irresponsibly.

 

[gingerplum]

I assume there is a very deep connection if your child grows inside of you and it would be incredible if I was able to experience it.

I hated just about every minute of being pregnant. I found it physically uncomfortable and emotionally it was just a nightmare for my body to be so out of control, morphing into something I barely recognized.

That said, some women love being pregnant and seem to relish every moment of it.

The hormones involved do create a very deep connection, but again, those same hormones are the cause of devastating postpartum depression for some.

Don't get hung up on the pregnancy thing, it's overrated. In the end, it doesn't matter to the child if you gave birth to them.

I think it would be foolish to let the limitations of your body dictate limitations to your heart.

 

[sif]

Thanks. I knew about the option to bank sperm but sadly it's not an option for everyone. I considered doing it before I started my transition but decided against it. It's very expensive and the costs can add up very quickly. I'm living in poverty so I had to make the decision against it. And it's not a longterm solution either because the sperm will lose quality very quickly while frozen. You probably would have to redo it after a couple of years. It also only works if my partner can have children, right? If I'm dating a guy or a transwoman there is nobody to inseminate. That's only an option if you're dating a women with working reproduction organs. And for me personally, that option is probably gone for good because I'm already sterile.



Haha, no. I totally unterstand you and I would like to take that offer. I wish that was possible. Imagine if transwomen and transmen could switch bodies, that would be really amazing and a win-win situation for everyone. The only alternative that we have right now is adopting but I still feel like it's a different thing. I assume there is a very deep connection if your child grows inside of you and it would be incredible if I was able to experience it.

The cost... it's always the cost, there are options but do you have the dosh? This world is awful and cruel, I'm very sorry.

 

[Idorus]

I hated just about every minute of being pregnant. I found it physically uncomfortable and emotionally it was just a nightmare for my body to be so out of control, morphing into something I barely recognized.

That said, some women love being pregnant and seem to relish every moment of it.

The hormones involved do create a very deep connection, but again, those same hormones are the cause of devastating postpartum depression for some.

Don't get hung up on the pregnancy thing, it's overrated. In the end, it doesn't matter to the child if you gave birth to them.

I think it would be foolish to let the limitations of your body dictate limitations to your heart.

You touched my heart. I appreciate your honesty. I lost my uterus at age 30 and although I never consciously had a child wish I felt crazily attracted to guys I could have delivered myself. That isn't exactly sexual love cause I lost those hormones long ago. I don't know what it is.. a friend of mine has a son of 18 and I feel so much when he's touching her and hugging her ... I wish I was that, even though he's hugging me as well and he always likes to be with me. I had relationships with guys 19, 15, 16 years younger... but it doesn't satisfy me cause sex is the driving force with most and I can't handle that obviously... I guess I miss the love of a child.