Discussion In the hospital right now. Keep me company?

[anopenwound]

I checked myself in cause a friend was either gonna send an ambulance at mine or have me come over alone. Something inside me broke and I just cant care about myself anymore. Whatever happens happens.

Suicide is still my only comfort and I guess that's what I'll keep my head focused on for the foreseeable.

If you have any questions or would just like to chat, please feel free.

 

[unimaginativelamp]

hello. I guess asking how you are would be a dumb question.

 

[anopenwound]

Ah sure look, no such thing.

I officially do not wanna be here anymore. Not the smallest desire left. Not a care. I was in a bad way at home and a friend sent me here, that's the jist of it. The pain is so intense its numbing me. The only upside is that I dont have to put on a show anymore.

 

[mustard tiger]

are you in the psych ward

 

[anopenwound]

No, the emergency department. I arrived not long ago. I still dont know what they're gonna do.

 

[boyafraid]

I checked myself in cause a friend was either gonna send an ambulance at mine or have me come over alone. Something inside me broke and I just cant care about myself anymore. Whatever happens happens.

Suicide is still my only comfort and I guess that's what I'll keep my head focused on for the foreseeable.

If you have any questions or would just like to chat, please feel free.

So sorry you're going through all of this. Being at the mental hospital is really hit or miss sometimes. I hear it helps some people, while it makes things a lot worse for others. I love your Basil pfp and Euphoria banner thing (:

How are you getting along with the other patients there? Also, how is the food?

 

[anopenwound]

So sorry you're going through all of this. Being at the mental hospital is really hit or miss sometimes. I hear it helps some people, while it makes things a lot worse for others. I love your Basil pfp and Euphoria banner thing (:

How are you getting along with the other patients there? Also, how is the food?

So far I've only been in the emergency department, they just brought me somewhere else to check my urine sample and now I'm waiting. Its the middle of the night here and there's a bunch of old people getting seen or sleeping on a bed in the hallway. Im waiting for my nurse to come back. I feel as dead as a nail.

Thank you for the kind words. Facilities are kind of ok here. I dont know whats gonna happen. For now Im just trying to think about how to end things to stop the pain from flowing in my body. Its been very bad the last couple of days.

 

[sanctionedusage]

the staff knows youre there for a MH crisis?

 

[anopenwound]

the staff knows youre there for a MH crisis?

Yeah. I came in in a state I havent been in since at least two years ago. I told them the truth. At this point I just want to feel the relief of being able to stop pretending.

 

[coffeeandcats]

I'm sorry for your pain and hope you find some peace soon. How is the hospital?

 

[anopenwound]

I've been here before. This isnt the place where I first landed when I had my previous crisis - it's much nicer, more humane. But I've been here for other health issues and they've been caring and kind. It doesnt go to say that this event will be pleasant, but I"m hoping to just be able to get something for the pain and pass out.

At this point I just know that life has no peace in the cards for me. Im not expecting anything and im looking forward to nothing. Just death. I hope that whenever I close my eyes I won't get to open them.

 

[anopenwound]

A blue-green haired queer-looking doctor called me in, seemed very caring about respecting my identity throughout the session. They (?) asked me a bunch of questions about my physical health then pivoted to mental health. I told them everything. That its been at least two years of pure unadulterated hell. That I've been living a nightmare.
They took my bloods and left me here. They're gonna see if they can find me a bed but they doubt it. Chances are a psychiatrist is gonna see me and send me home. I dont care about much at this point. I just wanna sleep and not wake up.

 

[squiddedoutt]

I told them the truth. At this point I just want to feel the relief of being able to stop pretending.

god I feel you, every 'im fine' and moment of hiding suffering really builds up

I hope you can get something that works to lessen the pain <3
(extra: how do you feel towards your friend?, assuming you didn't want to come)

 

[anopenwound]

god I feel you, every 'im fine' and moment of hiding suffering really builds up

I hope you can get something that works to lessen the pain <3
(extra: how do you feel towards your friend?, assuming you didn't want to come)

My friend is literally the only person that took me seriously when I said I wanted to die. Everybody else kept throwing whatever they were saying at me as if it was any other day. I love him dearly. I feel that was the one kindness I received when I was spiralling.

Everything built up to breaking point, which was the last couple of days. I dont have much hopes right now. Just the thought of leaving this world soon to keep me going for as long as needed to keep planning.

 

[squiddedoutt]

My friend is literally the only person that took me seriously when I said I wanted to die. Everybody else kept throwing whatever they were saying at me as if it was any other day. I love him dearly. I feel that was the one kindness I received when I was spiralling.

I'm glad you have him and feel supported and heard by him, other people not taking you seriously really sucks,

I hope you can get what you want <3

 

[anopenwound]

I've just been seen by a psychiatrist. She asked me to see on the side of the table that gets me to look at the door and I immediately felt like I was in a true crime documentary, where the narrator says that's a tactic to let the person know they need to get through the police offer to get out. She did ask me if I had trouble with the police. I felt slightly on edge. She said she will speak with her boss and they'll see if they can write a referral to a clinic. Let's see where that goes.

 

[U. A.]

Hope whatever happens is not bad, dare I say good.
What's the ideal outcome? The realistic best-case?

 

[anopenwound]

They let me out. I got recommended to a clinic. Im back home and I wish I wasn't. I want to cease existing. My head hurts. My body hurts.

 

[itsgone2]

I've been through similar. Why did they let you out?
This sucks. I have no interest in life either. No easy way out

 

[anopenwound]

The let me out cause all they saw fit was that recommendation. Im in excruciating pain but that doesnt seem to matter.

 

[meatballlover]

So how do you feel about your friend who threatened to call an ambulance

 

[kouna]

May I ask at which city/hospital you were?
I've spent time at a hospital and a psych ward. Both were not bad.
At the psych ward I had access to my phone so that was nice and also had a little gang where we had fun altogether, even had frequent sex with a female patient.

Tbh, spending something at that psychward wouldn't be bad

 

[anopenwound]

So how do you feel about your friend who threatened to call an ambulance

He didn't threaten. He did me a kindness. He's the only person that listened to me when I said I wanted to die.

May I ask at which city/hospital you were?
I've spent time at a hospital and a psych ward. Both were not bad.
At the psych ward I had access to my phone so that was nice and also had a little gang where we had fun altogether, even had frequent sex with a female patient.

Tbh, spending something at that psychward wouldn't be bad

I'd rather not disclose. Yeah, I mean. Anything would be not as hellish than this at this point.