Venting I’m so tired

[stopwizard]

So unfortunately I learned the method I was hoping to use to ctb isn't full proof and I'd really rather not suffer the long-term effects of a botched attempt so I unfortunately have to find work to fund another method (SN) which means I'll have to attempt after Christmas so I also have to factor in gifts for my family into the budget.

I quit my previous job cause I was so sure I was gonna be able to follow through on my attempt and now I'm broke with bills due. What's more is I wake up everyday to extremely intense panic attacks that leave me debilitated and unmotivated. It feels like I'm trapped in a cycle of barely living and there's no way out.

I have considered getting extremely high+drunk off pills and hard liquor and just falling off a parking garage (where I live there are many 5+ story parking garages) but I'm afraid of botching it or dying painfully.

I'm looking for work today, wish me luck. I'll update in a month and hopefully I have a more concrete plan then. Hope everyone is having a gentle day

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's so dreadful and tiring feeling trapped in this existence, it feels so cruel to me how trying to die can go wrong and lead to way worse suffering, such happening is exactly what I fear, I wish for the option to just die in peace and never suffer ever again. But anyway I wish you the best, I also feel tired of it all.