I'm in hedonistic hell

[wantingdignity]

Nothing feels real. I sent nudes to an internet stranger who called me a useless mutt. I slept with stranger whose house was falling apart. I slept with someone else by letting him come into a hotel room I got, and I had a blindfold on from the moment he came in the door. I don't know who he was or what he looked like. It's so hot when I think about it. Terrifying too. I slept with someone else who really grossed me out. I reassured him the whole time, even though he clearly didn't care about my experience.

All of this after being repulsed by sex for a year. I was in the negative financially with rent coming up. A perv offered to fuck me and pay me. I agreed. I was getting out of a relationship were my consent wasn't respected. I wanted to wash him off of me, and for some reason showers weren't cutting it. I wanted my own memories that did not include him. Even having to fuck someone for cash seemed like it might do the trick.

I'm so hypersexual now. I'm kind of scared. I'm either engaging in some form of sexual activity or I'm imagining my own death. I promise I was once a really cool person that people liked and some admired. I used to be worthy of it. Where is my fucking moral compass now. I'm going to catch something. Someone will lie and screenshot. Someone will not stop choking me and I'll actually die.

I need help. I'm in a haze.

 

[JRSadlife4011]

Nothing feels real. I sent nudes to an internet stranger who called me a useless mutt. I slept with stranger whose house was falling apart. I slept with someone else by letting him come into a hotel room I got, and I had a blindfold on from the moment he came in the door. I don't know who he was or what he looked like. It's so hot when I think about it. Terrifying too. I slept with someone else who really grossed me out. I reassured him the whole time, even though he clearly didn't care about my experience.

All of this after being repulsed by sex for a year. I was in the negative financially with rent coming up. A perv offered to fuck me and pay me. I agreed. I was getting out of a relationship were my consent wasn't respected. I wanted to wash him off of me, and for some reason showers weren't cutting it. I wanted my own memories that did not include him. Even having to fuck someone for cash seemed like it might do the trick.

I'm so hypersexual now. I'm kind of scared. I'm either engaging in some form of sexual activity or I'm imagining my own death. I promise I was once a really cool person that people liked and some admired. I used to be worthy of it. Where is my fucking moral compass now. I'm going to catch something. Someone will lie and screenshot. Someone will not stop choking me and I'll actually die.

I need help. I'm in a haze.

Your story explains me to a T! That's one of the biggest reasons I disgust myself. I've been with more women than I could ever count. Im clean now idk how but I am. And just as you said always engaging in some sort of sexual activity. Im addicted to sex and alcohol. Im lost and cant help it. Not to mention several other reason I want out!