Im 18 years old and I have struggled with suicidal thoughts since i was 11. Ive also attempted 3 times in the past, twice when I was 11 and once when I was 12. I was in and out of mental hospitals back in middle school, and once I got out for the 3rd time, I was determined to get better out of fear of going back to that hell hole. I went to lots of therapy and tried to will away my thoughts. For a bit, I seemed to be doing well and was able to push them to the back of my head, but that didn't last. I really tried my best but I cant take it anymore.
I know id be throwing my future away and would miss college. I know im smart and have the potential for a bright future. But I dont care because I also know that ill continue to experience this insurmountable suffering that I tried so long to find off. Im going to do it. Thats final.
On the 18th, 19th, and 20th of May I will be home alone all day. On the 18th I will prepare myself and on the 19th ill carry my plan of full suspension hanging out. I have a rope already and have been working on writing a suicide note. Soon after my mom leaves for work, I will go down stairs in the basementand hang myself on an old pull up bar. no one should find me for about 7 hours. That should be enoughtime to be fully dead. I will also tie my hands behind my back so I cant undo the noose. I might also put a bag over my head just in case the rope breaks. I am pretty confident that this is going to work. Then I will finally be at peace.
The only negative is that this would hurt my mom. She spent a lot of money on me with a trip she planned for me. All of that money would be wasted once I die. My mom would likely also blame herself, but I hope my not can prevent that. I dont want to hurt anyone.
If you want to hear my story, then i wrote about it here.
sanctioned-suicide.net
Im not sure why im posting this now, I was going post as I get closer to the date, but here we are. In a wierd way, im kinda excited, even though I shouldn't be. I will likely post in more detail when its close to the date, but for now, is do you have any recommendations or worries of it failing. I need this to succeed.
I know id be throwing my future away and would miss college. I know im smart and have the potential for a bright future. But I dont care because I also know that ill continue to experience this insurmountable suffering that I tried so long to find off. Im going to do it. Thats final.
On the 18th, 19th, and 20th of May I will be home alone all day. On the 18th I will prepare myself and on the 19th ill carry my plan of full suspension hanging out. I have a rope already and have been working on writing a suicide note. Soon after my mom leaves for work, I will go down stairs in the basementand hang myself on an old pull up bar. no one should find me for about 7 hours. That should be enoughtime to be fully dead. I will also tie my hands behind my back so I cant undo the noose. I might also put a bag over my head just in case the rope breaks. I am pretty confident that this is going to work. Then I will finally be at peace.
The only negative is that this would hurt my mom. She spent a lot of money on me with a trip she planned for me. All of that money would be wasted once I die. My mom would likely also blame herself, but I hope my not can prevent that. I dont want to hurt anyone.
If you want to hear my story, then i wrote about it here.
My story
The beginning The early years not much happened so ill skip them. girst, my parents got divorced when I was in 2nd grade. I remember my father was putting me to bed and told me that he would be away for a while. I asked if he was going to come back, and he said he didn't know and then just left...
sanctioned-suicide.net
Im not sure why im posting this now, I was going post as I get closer to the date, but here we are. In a wierd way, im kinda excited, even though I shouldn't be. I will likely post in more detail when its close to the date, but for now, is do you have any recommendations or worries of it failing. I need this to succeed.
