Venting I’m getting so frustrated

[BabyCamus]

Just a vent really…I'm really getting annoyed at myself at how long I'm taking to get everything ready for my method (SN). I have OCD so I feel sooo much pressure to get everything perfect, and I'm stalling buying things because I'm not 100 percent sure they're good enough and will work. The longer I wait the more chance of my family becoming suspicious. I've spent the last 1 and a half years locked up in hospital so I know the consequences if I fail again at this attempt… But I've waited so long and just want it all to be over so much… I wish I could just overcome my anxiety about getting everything right and just do it faster.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Personally, I feel it's better to take your time, think things through, try and plan for any contingencies, read about and study all the pros and cons of your chosen method thoroughly, all in order to gain confidence and peace of mind before even attempting CTB. Rushing things seldom leads to a successful outcome. You're more likely to make mistakes when desperation is the impetus. There are no perfect methods, either, BTW. The key is to plan and mitigate the imperfections in your chosen method.

 

[BabyCamus]

Personally, I feel it's better to take your time, think things through, try and plan for any contingencies, read about and study all the pros and cons of your chosen method thoroughly, all in order to gain confidence and peace of mind before even attempting CTB. Rushing things seldom leads to a successful outcome. You're more likely to make mistakes when desperation is the impetus. There are no perfect methods, either, BTW. The key is to plan and mitigate the imperfections in your chosen method.

I totally agree with this, but I am in a tricky situation. I have put off moving out of my Dad's house to start a new independent life, because it would require all my savings, and I also don't see the point because I'm not going to be around for much longer hopefully. I also simply don't have the motivation and ability to make that kind of step in my life, because I know it will come to nothing. I need to go quickly because the longer I stay around my family in the state I am in, the more likely they will be to put me in hospital again. Also I have always reacted well under pressure - it's where I thrive. Unlimited time and resources just puts my brain into overdrive and I lose my ability to make decisions.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I totally agree with this, but I am in a tricky situation. I have put off moving out of my Dad's house to start a new independent life, because it would require all my savings, and I also don't see the point because I'm not going to be around for much longer hopefully. I also simply don't have the motivation and ability to make that kind of step in my life, because I know it will come to nothing. I need to go quickly because the longer I stay around my family in the state I am in, the more likely they will be to put me in hospital again. Also I have always reacted well under pressure - it's where I thrive. Unlimited time and resources just puts my brain into overdrive and I lose my ability to make decisions.

You certainly need to do what you know works for you. I hope you can get what you need together in a timely manner that works out best for you. Good luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand why you would feel frustrated, I hate how we exist in this hellish world where suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult and complicated. Of course a peaceful way to exit this world without struggle is certainly what we deserve the option of, to me it's so cruel how suicidal people are forced into hospitals and cannot just die in peace without the fears of others interfering. Other people really should have no right to interfere in the decision to die as it's not their life.