Venting I’m feeling very miserable and I don’t know why

[loslassen]

I feel like i'm circling back to the beginning of the journey i've had with myself in the past two years of attempting to end my life, I mean, I don't feel completely doomed, but I'm upset at myself and just don't know where to find an explanation to the way I'm feeling, which is rare for myself because I've done a great job at finding reasoning with myself and the causes of my troubles all the time. now I just, even with an open door in front of me I feel like I can't walk through it, and I'm feeling very miserable. vulnerable, and I've noticed that lately I kind of feel a need or want to be taken advantage of at such a time. I don't know why I feel like this, and it's frustrating not knowing given my ability to usually analyze myself and come to terms with the way I am. I kind of have, but st the same time, I feel like i'm just dwelling over nothing if I can't find the explanation, it makes me wonder if this is just human nature…

js venting but of course if you relate to any of this I'm always more than open to listen to your experiences as well

 

[hellworldprincess]

This resonates with me.
I haven't done an especially good job finding explanations at any time in my life. However I've always rationalized stuff away to the point that now I can't really tell the difference between experiences and figments of my imagination.
Not to even start with explanations on a higher level i.e. REASONS.
The metaphor of the open door also rings true although I don't know what you mean by it.
I see you and I hope that you can actually come to terms with yourself. If you have 'kind of' come to terms with the way you are that's a start.
Maybe change something small (or big if possible) about your life's circumstances and/or consider doing therapy instead of dealing with everything on your own.
Also I think it's not helpful to think about 'human nature'. I still do it all the time and the questions only lead back to themselves.
Don't deny your own value. Don't let anyone take advantage of you.
Love the Evangelion and Sewerslvt/Cynthoni references btw

 

[loslassen]

This resonates with me.
I haven't done an especially good job finding explanations at any time in my life. However I've always rationalized stuff away to the point that now I can't really tell the difference between experiences and figments of my imagination.
Not to even start with explanations on a higher level i.e. REASONS.
The metaphor of the open door also rings true although I don't know what you mean by it.
I see you and I hope that you can actually come to terms with yourself. If you have 'kind of' come to terms with the way you are that's a start.
Maybe change something small (or big if possible) about your life's circumstances and/or consider doing therapy instead of dealing with everything on your own.
Also I think it's not helpful to think about 'human nature'. I still do it all the time and the questions only lead back to themselves.
Don't deny your own value. Don't let anyone take advantage of you.
Love the Evangelion and Sewerslvt/Cynthoni references btw

yes, thank you. In the end of the day I end up telling myself these kinds of things as they're not something i haven't heard before (and that has helped make my existence a bit more bearable) but thank you a lot for the kind words, they mean a lot