I'm Back After Drinking SN

[TheLastHumanRight]

How do you feel about the attempt?
From what I can interpret, it seems you have mixed feelings. A mix of regret and relief or am I misinterpreting?

 

[MysticPerception]

How do you feel about the attempt?
From what I can interpret, it seems you have mixed feelings. A mix of regret and relief or am I misinterpreting?

Nah that's pretty accurate actually. The thought of three more days and it would have been perfect and even more omnipresent while I was in the hospital just 10 more minutes and I could have been free. Though now I'm okay I still think it's a shame I failed in some part. If only because the finish line was right there but I stopped running mostly out of fear that I shouldn't have since I'm not afraid of death I just wanted the pain to stop.

 

[TheLastHumanRight]

Nah that's pretty accurate actually. The thought of three more days and it would have been perfect and even more omnipresent while I was in the hospital just 10 more minutes and I could have been free. Though now I'm okay I still think it's a shame I failed in some part. If only because the finish line was right there but I stopped running mostly out of fear that I shouldn't have since I'm not afraid of death I just wanted the pain to stop.

That's good to know, I hope that you get the help you need, and live a life that you feel is worth holding on to. :D

 

[Ghost2211]

Nah that's pretty accurate actually. The thought of three more days and it would have been perfect and even more omnipresent while I was in the hospital just 10 more minutes and I could have been free. Though now I'm okay I still think it's a shame I failed in some part. If only because the finish line was right there but I stopped running mostly out of fear that I shouldn't have since I'm not afraid of death I just wanted the pain to stop.

that is the problem with pain before CTB. Not only is there no way to know how long it will last, but your sense of time gets messed up and it can feel like it's lasting a lifetime.

if you ever did try to ctb again would this be a method you would repeat?

 

[MysticPerception]

that is the problem with pain before CTB. Not only is there no way to know how long it will last, but your sense of time gets messed up and it can feel like it's lasting a lifetime.

if you ever did try to ctb again would this be a method you would repeat?

If I did this method again it would be after quite some time to get the taste to stop haunting me. Oddly enough the pain isn't even that scary now just the flavor being so godawful that it makes me want to just rinse out my mouth with something to stop thinking about it. Otherwise though yeah no real other method would be good for me since this one is so easy. Fenatyl(or however you spell it) would be the only other choice for me because that blackout was perfect. I apparently slept for a whole day and it didn't feel like that at all it was just peaceful nothingness.

 

[Sour]

I'm so glad you're still here.

 

[one4all]

SI can be tricky, I will remember about the phone.

I mentioned in another thread. Remove the battery and put the phone as far away as possible.

 

[Circlingthedrain]

I mentioned in another thread. Remove the battery and put the phone as far away as possible.

I'm quite lucky in the fact that my phones so broken even if I tried calling the police I wouldn't be able to dial it

 

[Ghost2211]

If I did this method again it would be after quite some time to get the taste to stop haunting me. Oddly enough the pain isn't even that scary now just the flavor being so godawful that it makes me want to just rinse out my mouth with something to stop thinking about it. Otherwise though yeah no real other method would be good for me since this one is so easy. Fenatyl(or however you spell it) would be the only other choice for me because that blackout was perfect. I apparently slept for a whole day and it didn't feel like that at all it was just peaceful nothingness.

it's funny how pain is always worse in the moment than when we reflect on it later. For some reason I was willing to give birth to children three times. I have heard a lot about the taste of it, and I can see how that would be one of the worst elements of it. it would probably suck less if we could eat or drink something after the fact to remove the taste, but things don't always go that easily I guess.

every time I read somebody's experience is taking SN I feel more at peace with that as a method. Thank you for being brave and awesome.

 

[itsmeagain]

I don't know if you remember responding to me a few times... but I'm so glad you're doing better one way or another. You're moving on, you're pushing past and reading this makes me feel so happy you've achieved your peace and you're able to give information to the people here who need it.

Bless you... have an amazing road to recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MysticPerception]

I don't know if you remember responding to me a few times... but I'm so glad you're doing better one way or another. You're moving on, you're pushing past and reading this makes me feel so happy you've achieved your peace and you're able to give information to the people here who need it.

Bless you... have an amazing road to recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually I do remember you. In fact I was curious how active you've been since I was gone. Looks like you've achieved a lot in just a week. Not sure if I'd say it's peace just yet but hopefully it's better than dying alone lol.

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

This is more a personal scale but 8 for me probably 6-7 for most other people. Maybe even less I'm not sure. My stomach gets into a knot when I'm stressed out and my stomach is very sensitive(not when it comes to throwing up but any pain really) so it was probably worse for me than most people. I'm definitely sticking around SS for sure. This is my home away from home. They would have to tear me away from here with force if they wanted me to stop being around the people I know and love. Even if some of you do disappear in the coming year I still want to be here when they go.

As for the feelings...Definitely fear and pride while pouring the SN. Didn't think I would even have the courage to do that with the way my body was shaking before hand. After pouring it, an odd feeling of melancholy mixed with happiness. I knew things were about to change since pouring the SN means I'm not all talk that's for sure. After drinking it, mostly just disgust. Disgust with myself, disgust with the taste, and then pain. Lots of pain and regret and definitely some anger mixed in near the end as you know how pissed I was when I went to go call 911 I didn't hide it from you lol. To Jean it probably just looked like I was whining about the pain then backed out but you know I was battling myself even up until the last second when I did call. My feelings when calling were definitely regret mixed with fear. I regretted calling but knew I was probably doing the right thing but then I was fearful they wouldn't arrive in time(impossible I know but my mind was not in a good state obviously). So yeah that's pretty much about it. I'd say I was a tad disappointed when I woke up but mostly confused because of the mask. After that I was like well dang guess I'm getting help I lost fair and square time to follow up on my promise to myself. I originally thought I would cry when I woke up but I wasn't really sad about it so much as accepting of the reality since you know I'm the one who called 911 lol.

The dilemma of me not knowing whether you're a huckster pro-lifer or whether the stomach pain from sodium nitrite actually is intense and awful is kind of tearing me apart a little inside

 

[Jean4]

The dilemma of me not knowing whether you're a huckster pro-lifer or whether the stomach pain from sodium nitrite actually is intense and awful is kind of tearing me apart a little inside

Since she was on with me when it happened, I can assure you... she is not a pro-lifer.

 

[MysticPerception]

The dilemma of me not knowing whether you're a huckster pro-lifer or whether the stomach pain from sodium nitrite actually is intense and awful is kind of tearing me apart a little inside

If it makes you feel better I still a rope in my closet in case I change my mind. I'm not pro life at all. Like I said, it was probably worse for me than most people. Hold your nose if you want to drink the SN because it taste terrible. I want people to make their own decisions and choose what is best for them especially if that means passing on. I just wanted people to know that SN is absolutely not painless and it will hurt some. Not enough to make you stop but enough to make SI win if you let it like I did.

 

[Jean4]

If it makes you feel better I still a rope in my closet in case I change my mind.

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

If it makes you feel better I still a rope in my closet in case I change my mind. I'm not pro life at all. Like I said, it was probably worse for me than most people. Hold your nose if you want to drink the SN because it taste terrible. I want people to make their own decisions and choose what is best for them especially if that means passing on. I just wanted people to know that SN is absolutely not painless and it will hurt some. Not enough to make you stop but enough to make SI win if you let it like I did.

Partial hanging hurt a lot in my experience and it scarred me to some degree, I think

You can still be a discreet pro-lifer somehow, especially because this is the internet

I'm going to stop commenting because I don't want to be led down a rabbit hole

It would be one thing if we went back to a rosy world after trying to commit suicide but we do not

I am afraid though if I take sodium nitrite expecting a peaceful way out, and people ever follow me in that endeavor (even with the little influence my death has), but instead get an awful way off the earth

To deny people the right to a painless suicide is cruel

Since she was on with me when it happened, I can assure you... she is not a pro-lifer.

You could be one, too

You're just strangers on the internet talking about a controversial and much-maligned thing that people fanatically try to prevent

 

[Jean4]

Partial hanging hurt a lot in my experience and it scarred me to some degree, I think

You can still be a discreet pro-lifer somehow, especially because this is the internet

I'm going to stop commenting because I don't want to be led down a rabbit hole

It would be one thing if we went back to a rosy world after trying to commit suicide but we do not

I am afraid though if I take sodium nitrite expecting a peaceful way out, and people ever follow me in that endeavor (even with the little influence my death has), but instead get an awful way of the earth

To deny people the right to a painless suicide is cruel

I do find it rather odd that I vouched for her and you still question. Look at my numbers and ask anyone who I am. She is not a pro-lifer. However, you can believe she is an alien from Pluto.

Here you go. Anything you need is here, if you don't want to ask a member.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[MysticPerception]

Partial hanging hurt a lot in my experience and it scarred me to some degree, I think

You can still be a discreet pro-lifer somehow, especially because this is the internet

I'm going to stop commenting because I don't want to be led down a rabbit hole

It would be one thing if we went back to a rosy world after trying to commit suicide but we do not

I am afraid though if I take sodium nitrite expecting a peaceful way out, and people ever follow me in that endeavor (even with the little influence my death has), but instead get an awful way of the earth

To deny people the right to a painless suicide is cruel

You could be one, too

You're just strangers on the internet talking about a controversial and much-maligned thing that people fanatically try to prevent

You sound extremely paranoid. Which is normal for around here. In the end it's your choice and your decision. If you or other people want to drink SN still, then go for it. I encourage you to do what you personally most want. I'm also going to encourage you to steel yourself before you take it though because I expected minor stomachache and got more than I bargained for. More information is better no one is being robbed of a painless death.

 

[Pryras]

You realized it wasn't your time and I'm glad you were saved. I was interested in trying this method myself but don't want to end up in urgent care in case I'm saved. You said you were kept in the hospital for 5 days, was the length of the stay mandatory to flush everything out or were you kept for mental health reasons? Sorry if that's a stupid question.

 

[GinaIsReady]

@MysticPerception ... thank you so much for your very detailed account of what happened. This kind of first-hand experience is invaluable to the rest of us. Best wishes to you in your recovery and future endeavors.

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

I do find it rather odd that I vouched for her and you still question. Look at my numbers and ask anyone who I am. She is not a pro-lifer. However, you can believe she is an alien from Pluto.

Here you go. Anything you need is here, if you don't want to ask a member.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

I don't even know who you are

 

[Cevapcici]

I'm still content with the fact that I'm alive right now and don't intend to let things in my life stay the same as they were before I made my attempt.

Wow. This sentence is a breath of fresh air.

 

[Jean4]

I don't even know who you are

Maybe find out? ;). Or you can read the guide that I gave you about SN because a pro-lifer would give you a SN guide.

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

You sound extremely paranoid. Which is normal for around here. In the end it's your choice and your decision. If you or other people want to drink SN still, then go for it. I encourage you to do what you personally most want. I'm also going to encourage you to steel yourself before you take it though because I expected minor stomachache and got more than I bargained for. More information is better no one is being robbed of a painless death.

You sound extremely paranoid. Which is normal for around here. In the end it's your choice and your decision. If you or other people want to drink SN still, then go for it. I encourage you to do what you personally most want. I'm also going to encourage you to steel yourself before you take it though because I expected minor stomachache and got more than I bargained for. More information is better no one is being robbed of a painless death.

- Exit International

Share this ContentJim*, a disabled pensioner living in the Tweed, was paid a surprise middle-of-the-night visit on Friday (May 25) by local police to inquire as to his ‘mental state’ and whether or not he had imported the euthanasia drug Nembutal. Jim told Echonetdaily two police shone torches...

exitinternational.net

Police raid pushed academic to end her life, says euthanasia advocate | Assisted dying | The Guardian

Philip Nitschke says Avril Henry was fearful that police would again raid her home and find second stash of illegally imported drug

amp.theguardian.com

French police seize illegal euthanasia drugs in raids

French police carried out nationwide raids on Tuesday to seize dozens of bottles of a suspected illegal barbiturate often used by people intent on performing assisted suicides or euthanasia, prosecutors said.

www.thelocal.fr

Justifiably so

You sound extremely paranoid. Which is normal for around here. In the end it's your choice and your decision. If you or other people want to drink SN still, then go for it. I encourage you to do what you personally most want. I'm also going to encourage you to steel yourself before you take it though because I expected minor stomachache and got more than I bargained for. More information is better no one is being robbed of a painless death.

I don't even know if that information is accurate, though

Although, you could easily be a pro-lifer still but the pain could still be bad from sodium nitrite

This is a sad state of affairs

If any pro-lifers or on-the-fence people are reading this, look at the uncertainty and worry the lack of definite access to well-known and safe methods is causing

 

[Jean4]

- Exit International

Share this ContentJim*, a disabled pensioner living in the Tweed, was paid a surprise middle-of-the-night visit on Friday (May 25) by local police to inquire as to his ‘mental state’ and whether or not he had imported the euthanasia drug Nembutal. Jim told Echonetdaily two police shone torches...

exitinternational.net

Police raid pushed academic to end her life, says euthanasia advocate | Assisted dying | The Guardian

Philip Nitschke says Avril Henry was fearful that police would again raid her home and find second stash of illegally imported drug

amp.theguardian.com

French police seize illegal euthanasia drugs in raids

French police carried out nationwide raids on Tuesday to seize dozens of bottles of a suspected illegal barbiturate often used by people intent on performing assisted suicides or euthanasia, prosecutors said.

www.thelocal.fr

Justifiably so

Very simple. Do research. If you don't feel safe here, then don't say anything you wouldn't want people to hear. If you would like to discuss this further, I am available by PM. But please do not hijack @MysticPerception 's welcome back thread. Thanks

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

Maybe find out? ;). Or you can read the guide that I gave you about SN because a pro-lifer would give you a SN guide.

They would if the guide made the sodium nitrite process seem harsh

Find out from looking at your anonymous profile on a website that I find pretty mysterious? No thank you, that doesn't sound very enlightening

This is sad, I'm going to stop commenting now

I wish the world was different

To deny peaceful means of suicide is very cruel

 

[Jean4]

They would if the guide made the sodium nitrite process seem harsh

Find out from looking at your anonymous profile on a website that I find pretty mysterious? No thank you, that doesn't sound very enlightening

This is sad, I'm going to stop commenting now

I wish the world was different

To deny peaceful means of suicide is very cruel

The guide was written by my partner @Stan. Feel free to read his goodbye thread with Frank Sinatra in the title. He detailed his routine.

 

[Carina]

....
Although, you could easily be a pro-lifer still but the pain could still be bad from sodium nitrite

This is a sad state of affairs

If any pro-lifers or on-the-fence people are reading this, look at the uncertainty and worry the lack of definite access to well-known and safe methods is causing

Look, @MysticPerception was nice enough to share the personal experience with people, and even said it can vary--it's not even the first time similar was said, or unique, or even something uncommon. Could you please just respect the coming back and start your own thread if you wish to continue with things? I only fear that the questions and things that people have or want to know might get lost in what seems to be posts meant to distract from @MysticPerception 's post and replies.

 

[devil]

you've probably already answered this before but I'm lazy and don't feel like searching.. did you take anything with the SN or did you drink it plain? did you throw it up at all or were you able to keep it down? sorry if this was already answered.. SN is just my preferred method and having your feedback helps a bunch

 

[foreveryoung]

I think you're a very brave person to make yourself go through this ordeal. I don't think i could have done the same leaving the possibility of surviving. Going through this the universe could have cancelled out all your bad karma and from now on you'll have a better life. Its already a miracle you came through this without any severe impairments like brain damage.

I just noticed something reading your other thread though, if you don't mind me asking... you said you prepared three cups of SN. Did they all have 20gm in them or was the dose seperated? From reading your posts it seems like you drank one cup. Maybe I misread something. Its really strange how you didn't vomit either. For the people who do intend to leave for good, maybe stat dosing has a bigger failure rate and should be avoided?