I lived with like seven different guns as a teenager and never did it. Now I've just ordered SN. A bit less violent than guns so hopefully easier on my psyche.
I totally get it though, I hate myself for not having the balls to actually literally or metaphorically pull the trigger and just make it end.
I've tried hard as hell to improve my life for years. Now I'm just tired. The more I try to make my life better, the more it seems like life itself fights me.
I unironically wonder if I'm actually cursed. The nice thing is I know I'm probably not the only one who feels that way.
It's only nice to be understood, I'm not happy that anybody feels the way I do by the way