If you're trans - is it your reason, or is it just icing on the cake?

[Makhlebite]

Just something I'm idly curious about. If you're transgender, is it (and associated trans-only experiences, from dysphoria to societal bigotry) your main reason you want to kill yourself? Or do you have other reasons to CTB that aren't strictly tied to your transness?

Myself, I've always thought being trans isn't really my main reason, it's just the proverbial icing on the cake. I'm closeted, which means that I don't really experience bigotry head on, but being closeted is a misfortune in and of itself. But I'm not really convinced coming out would really matter in the grand scheme of things, unless HRT literally brainwashed me into a happy-go-lucky person somehow. Logically, my other reasons would still be there...

 

[Delilah]

Just icing on the cake. My mental illnesses are my reason, but the miserable and significantly more difficult life of a transwomen is not helping the situation at all.

I'm out for what it's worse. I've been on HRT for over a year, I'm more depressed than I've ever been. I don't have any friends, I have severe social anxiety and anxiety in general. I've never been in a relationship and can't see myself ever being in one (trans being a big factor here). Life just sucks balls and I'm getting really sick of it. I still have some hope but not much.

 

[skyofAuroras]

It the same for me. It just the icing on the cake that is my problems. I would still have depression and anxiety issues even if I wasn't trans. Of course being trans adds more problems to my life and makes my already existing problem more difficult. Coming out in a not so supportive environment hurt me a lot. I'm still dealing with the consequences of it. Hrt has made me more comfortable with my body, but it's not a cure for depression and anxiety.

 

[Luke]

Please excuse my ignorance but I'm confused. So basically you were born in a male body feeling like a female if I understand correctly.

My question is about the relationship part. If you're female in a male body then you basically want gay guys?

If this is correct then why is it a problem?

I always wanted to ask this.

 

[emma]

Icing on the cake here. i'll never be a really guy and i'll never like myself. my eating disorder and the resulting depression is what i want to CTB for, which is semi-related to me being FTM but not completely. i'm just fucked up.

 

[Delilah]

Please excuse my ignorance but I'm confused. So basically you were born in a male body feeling like a female if I understand correctly.

My question is about the relationship part. If you're female in a male body then you basically want gay guys?

If this is correct then why is it a problem?

I always wanted to ask this.

If you're a transwomen... i.e. male to female. Then no you don't want a gay guy. You want a straight guy cause you're a girl. Transitioning has nothing to do with relationships, it's all about feeling comfortable in your own body and how society sees and treats you.

 

[Makhlebite]

Interesting to hear your replies. I've heard miracle stories from all kinds of trans people about how suddenly their life became awesome after they got on HRT and transitioned, but this thread proves that is far from a universal experience. Which, I guess, means I'm not missing out on all that much in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Mecha Man]

Hi, I don't know why I decided to ask here of all places, but regardless... On the subject of Transgenders (transsexuals?), well... I've never really understood the concepts of less common forms of sexual attraction other than homosexuality; could one of you nice people perhaps enlighten me in terms of what trans means exactly, or what it means or could mean to be trans? Thanks in advance!

 

[RainAndSadness]

I've mentioned it in the past already but yeah, being trans is one of the major reasons for me to ctb. I'm also into HRT for over a year now but it didn't change much for me to be honest. The only thing that slightly improved is my self-acceptance because I have some feminine features now on my body. But there is still dysphoria and I feel very marginalized by society.

But here are also other reasons for my desire to ctb. Depression and anxiety for example. I also was a victim of bullying for several years straight, back in school, which is the reason why I became suicidal in the first place when I still was a very young person. I'm also poor and unemployed and there is no outlook for change. It's better for me to leave this world soon. I don't fit in here. I don't belong to this place. I've realized this during the last few months.

 

[Definitelyworried]

@RainAndSadness
I know u been suffering a lot at least lately, this is such a weird world, I hope that one day soon you will not be experiencing any more pain. If I could help you I would, but I can't even seem to help myself.

 

[boredtodeath]

I'd say it contributes a lot towards my depression and I think if I was born a boy I'd still have anxiety and all that, but not to the point where I'd kill myself. But its not my main reason, its just the icing on the cake. But at the same time, a lot of my problems in life couldve been avoided if I was just born a boy.

 

[KCN]

I'm used to stereotypes and misconceptions about gender, I almost never notice them anymore. I just roll my eyes, shake my head, take a deep breath and go on.

 

[Delilah]

Hi, I don't know why I decided to ask here of all places, but regardless... On the subject of Transgenders (transsexuals?), well... I've never really understood the concepts of less common forms of sexual attraction other than homosexuality; could one of you nice people perhaps enlighten me in terms of what trans means exactly, or what it means or could mean to be trans? Thanks in advance!

Being trans has nothing to do with who you like/are attacted to. There is gender identity (transgender) and there is sexual orientation (homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, etc)

As far as being transgender (transgenders/transgendered aren't really words btw), you can be trans-masc, you can be trans-fem, and you can be neither/both, which would be non-binary/genderqueer. And even as a transwoman I get that this shit is really confusing but basically you just treat people with respect.

also this might help some of you

https://www.genderbread.org/resource/genderbread-person-minimal-3-3

 

[Vvcv]

If you're a transwomen... i.e. male to female. Then no you don't want a gay guy. You want a straight guy cause you're a girl. Transitioning has nothing to do with relationships, it's all about feeling comfortable in your own body and how society sees and treats you.

With all due respect, in order for a guy to like you he would have to be gay... I would consider both people gay. I don't mean to offend you but it's the way normal people (most people) see this.

 

[Mikulal1995]

I'm not trans, but I'm gay. Honestly, even though I live Gay Paradise, USA, I still want to end my life because of it. People regard me as less-than, and even in a country where I have rights and could even marry a man if I wanted to I still hate being gay. I hate the community, I hate Pride. I just wish I weren't. I know I can never be happy being the way I am— and there's not a damn thing I can do to change it.

Being trans must be a million times worse. We're all freaks!

Of course this is one of many reasons, but it's in the top three.

 

[Luke]

With all due respect, in order for a guy to like you he would have to be gay... I would consider both people gay. I don't mean to offend you but it's the way normal people (most people) see this.

I think there is a double twist here. Delilah said she was a girl with a male body. Up to this point it's simple.

Now the twist:
She wants a guy who likes her despite the male body. So the guy must be gay from our standpoint but straight from hers because she's a girl.

I think I get it.

 

[transgenderfailure]

Honestly, it is my reason. My body is ruined by testosterone, my life won't ever be how I envisioned it to be when I was young, uhmm, I didn't even get a chance to experience what it feels like to be normal. Since I was young, I felt different everywhere I went. It's just amplified now that I am older. I am literally 21 years old, I barely leave the house (social anxiety, anxiety anxiety, and other shit) and I am not alive nor dead. Gender Dysphoria, directly and indirectly, ruined this existence of mine.

 

[Luke]

Even on this thread there's transphobia and unwillingness to understand, like, see? And then people tell me, there's people out there who will support you and understand. All they would do is pity me. In true essence, they won't ever see me as just another woman with a birth defect.

I pity you because your life is fucked for something you can't change. Depression, deteriorating health, being trans, it doesn't matter. It's true that I can't imagine this exact problem but I do understand that it wrecked your life. The reason I asked questions is actually because I am willing to understand but I need info for that.

I apologize if I came off wrong, being ignorant on this matter is my excuse.

 

[Mecha Man]

Being trans has nothing to do with who you like/are attacted to. There is gender identity (transgender) and there is sexual orientation (homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, etc)

As far as being transgender (transgenders/transgendered aren't really words btw), you can be trans-masc, you can be trans-fem, and you can be neither/both, which would be non-binary/genderqueer. And even as a transwoman I get that this shit is really confusing but basically you just treat people with respect.

also this might help some of you

https://www.genderbread.org/resource/genderbread-person-minimal-3-3

Right, I should've said (or at least thought) gender identity. My mind doesn't work right sometimes. But anyways thanks a lot for the explanation! And I always treat people with respect (as long as they treat me) I just wanted to learn more about it, because, well, as you said... it's really confusing. To be honest I'm still kind of confused... They should teach about this stuff in highschool or something but I'm guessing that would never happen because it would offend all the crazy religious people who are against homosexuality and stuff.

Honestly, though, this is one thing I feel pretty optimistic about in terms of societal advance; that is to say, I feel pretty confident that over time (probably not in my lifetime) all of these sexual stigmas will go away. Maybe not completely, because creationists or whatever they call themselves nowadays will probably have a big hold on society for a long time, but once people start to learn and understand these things better they won't stigmatize them, just like how homosexuality has been (I think) much more widely accepted and understood as time has passed.

 

[transgenderfailure]

I pity you because your life is fucked for something you can't change. Depression, deteriorating health, being trans, it doesn't matter. It's true that I can't imagine this exact problem but I do understand that it wrecked your life. The reason I asked questions is actually because I am willing to understand but I need info for that.

I apologize if I came off wrong, being ignorant on this matter is my excuse.

It's okay, I shouldn't have commented in such an emotional state. I am someone who sees everything in a worst case scenario type of way. Looking back, I now understand that you were asking to understand and not asking to offend. Sorry for being an emotional bitch. You did nothing wrong, it was me who shouldn't have jumped to a hasty conclusion.

 

[Delilah]

I think there is a double twist here. Delilah said she was a girl with a male body. Up to this point it's simple.

Now the twist:
She wants a guy who likes her despite the male body. So the guy must be gay from our standpoint but straight from hers because she's a girl.

I think I get it.

I've actually transitioned and live full-time as female. I'm definitely not the most attractive girl but I, more often than not, "pass" as female when I'm in public, especially if I try. So I was born with a male body even though my gender-identity is female. That's being transgender. The only thing that slightly helps transgender people is "transitioning". Taking hormones, having surgeries, etc. What can help more is if the world wasn't ignorant and hateful about things they don't understand. And that's unlikely to change, even in my lifetime.

 

[Mecha Man]

I've actually transitioned and live full-time as female. I'm definitely not the most attractive girl but I, more often than not, "pass" as female when I'm in public, especially if I try. So I was born with a male body even though my gender-identity is female. That's being transgender. The only thing that slightly helps transgender people is "transitioning". Taking hormones, having surgeries, etc. What can help more is if the world wasn't ignorant and hateful about things they don't understand. And that's unlikely to change, even in my lifetime.

Oh hey that's a really good explanation. I actually feel like I understand it a bit better now. What it means to be transgender, I mean. It sounds like it's more than just a gender identity, but actually a process where you have to transform your body to match your identity, hence the "trans" prefix. Sorry if I'm getting this screwed up.

 

[Delilah]

With all due respect, in order for a guy to like you he would have to be gay... I would consider both people gay. I don't mean to offend you but it's the way normal people (most people) see this.

That's not correct at all and bordering on being pretty transphobic. Transwomen are women. pre-transition (straight) transwomen will find it significantly difficult to meet a straight man and will often "live" as a gay man if they can't realistically transition (it's dangerous or not financially feasable, etc). I've transitioned, I live as female. If I were to date a man it would be a heterosexual relationship. My gender-identity doesn't even factor in at that point. This is why transwomen get get murdered. People get into a relationship or hookup and then think it's "gay" and their own homophobia freaks them out and they literally will kill transwomen. It happens all the time.

 

[Tomasnil]

With all due respect, in order for a guy to like you he would have to be gay... I would consider both people gay. I don't mean to offend you but it's the way normal people (most people) see this.

So where does that leave me im not attracted to men at all and i can not see or imagen my self with a man.
I see my self as straight but im also attracted to tg. Men living as women and strive to be a woman any way they can.

 

[Vvcv]

That's not correct at all and bordering on being pretty transphobic. Transwomen are women. pre-transition (straight) transwomen will find it significantly difficult to meet a straight man and will often "live" as a gay man if they can't realistically transition (it's dangerous or not financially feasable, etc). I've transitioned, I live as female. If I were to date a man it would be a heterosexual relationship. My gender-identity doesn't even factor in at that point. This is why transwomen get get murdered. People get into a relationship or hookup and then think it's "gay" and their own homophobia freaks them out and they literally will kill transwomen. It happens all the time.

Heterosexual men only like biological women. You won't find men sexually attracted to transwomen, that's all I tried to say. If you don't believe me ask men, that's considered being gay. I never intended to say something transphobic, it's just what it is, you can't blame people from not being sexually attracted to transwomen... that's the way they are. I didn't understand what you mean with "they literally will kill transwomen".

 

[Vvcv]

So where does that leave me im not attracted to men at all and i can not see or imagen my self with a man.
I see my self as straight but im also attracted to tg. Men living as women and strive to be a woman any way they can.

Personally, I think everyone likes some things that can be seen as different or weird, it's not an issue unless someone makes it so. Enjoy your sexuality as much as you can.

 

[Luke]

Heterosexual men only like biological women. You won't find men sexually attracted to transwomen, that's all I tried to say. If you don't believe me ask men, that's considered being gay. I never intended to say something transphobic, it's just what it is, you can't blame people from not being sexually attracted to transwomen... that's the way they are. I didn't understand what you mean with "they literally will kill transwomen".

You're correct about the attraction part, can confirm.

About the "kill" part I assume a situation like this can end bad.

 

[DF90]

Warning everyone in here right now, because I am already seeing people teetering on the edge of being transphobic. If the transphobic comments continue, worsen, or comments are reported for being hurtful you will immediately be given a warning, if you continue I will personally ban you. Transphobic, homophobic, etc bullshit will NOT be tolerated.

Edit: I'd like to add that I know there is a difference between being genuinely curious, wanting to learn, and understand the trans community. Those who are here to genuinely learn about the issues trans people face are okay. But it's obvious when someone is being ignorant and rude, and that kind of attitude doesn't have a place here. If you personally don't agree with it, do us all a favor and keep it to yourself.

 

[Inertia]

Thanks DF90 for putting an end to that.

If you're not trans, this thread probably isn't for you since the question is specifically for trans folks.

To answer the question, I'm transmasculine and non-binary (my pronouns are they/them/theirs). Gender identity and expression--and the pressures to conform that stem from the ways in which society pressures binary gender presentation--have certainly played a role in my depression throughout my life, especially as I hit puberty and as a teen and young adult. They still do sometimes, but to a much lesser extent.

At the same time, I am greatly appreciative of the insights into myself that being trans has forced me to unearth, and for helping me to see better how oppressions (and privileges, since I've been read as a man for the past 10 years and I'm white) interact. I couldn't have become comfortable with being trans alone--it took finding and building community, as well as shedding a lot of "friends" and some family.

In all, I've worked out and eliminated most of my own internalized transphobia (e.g., nowadays fear, rather than shame keeps my clothing "gender conforming"), so it's more so a complicating part of my life than a reason to CTB.

 

[ghoulish.fool]

Interesting to hear your replies. I've heard miracle stories from all kinds of trans people about how suddenly their life became awesome after they got on HRT and transitioned, but this thread proves that is far from a universal experience. Which, I guess, means I'm not missing out on all that much in the grand scheme of things.

I think it is typically all roses and sunshine when someone first starts HRT and all the g

Being trans has nothing to do with who you like/are attacted to. There is gender identity (transgender) and there is sexual orientation (homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, etc)

As far as being transgender (transgenders/transgendered aren't really words btw), you can be trans-masc, you can be trans-fem, and you can be neither/both, which would be non-binary/genderqueer. And even as a transwoman I get that this shit is really confusing but basically you just treat people with respect.

also this might help some of you

https://www.genderbread.org/resource/genderbread-person-minimal-3-3

Great explanation :)