If you're trans - is it your reason, or is it just icing on the cake?

[ghoulish.fool]

With all due respect, in order for a guy to like you he would have to be gay... I would consider both people gay. I don't mean to offend you but it's the way normal people (most people) see this.

"With all due respect, your identity is false" is basically what you just said. Also, that isn't what "normal" people think. The world is not that black and white, sexuality and gender are both very complicated things.

 

[nuclearsnake]

I don't think it's the main reason. I'd probably be somewhat fine with being trans if it wasn't for all the other stupid shit in my life, e.g. my shitty childhood, my shitty teeth, my ugliness, my various health issues due to shitty genetics, my severe anxiety and lack of social skills and so on.

But my dysphoria is pretty bad and it kills me on the inside that I'll never have the correct biology. Currently it's so awful that I can barely read about cis guys without being in a lot of emotional pain. My parent's being unaccepting probably doesn't help. Maybe HRT would make me feel better but my country makes access to it pretty difficult and I'm too exhausted to wait for months or maybe even a year and talk to hundred of doctors and go through legal bullshit. It would probably take me years to pass fully, have my legal documents changed and get rid of certain anatomy. I'm already rather old and feel like my body has been fucked over by the wrong hormones so fuck it all.

It sucks that we all get one life and then there's people like us who have to deal with shit like this. It's so odd to me that the majority of cis people most likely aren't thankful every day that they were born 'right'.

 

[Tired]

Yeah it is in alot of ways and I don't have the courage to move forward anymore then I have. Even in a thread dedicated to us and the reason we are suicidal we are forced to defend ourselves. If being trans were really a choice why would we choose this? So we could spend our entire lives under attack? The only reason I havent killed myself yet is because my boyfriend has put so much effort forth and loves me so much I know if I did he would break. I feel trapped and cornered and I just really don't want go on like this anymore. Sometimes I feel like reaching out but Im usually burned and the one time I wasn't I blew it.

I spend most days drinking and hoping something kills me on my day to day routine. So many people die everyday due to dumb shit and yet I'm reckless and uncaring yet I'm still alive.

 

[Shewantsestradiol]

For me it's the primary issue, or not passing as female is the issue. I can't stand looking in the mirror, even after a year on hormones.

I can't afford FFS, but I can afford Nembutal.

 

[nuclearsnake]

Man, my dysphoria is getting worse and worse. I can't even sleep anymore.
This bullshit country with it's gatekeeping really isn't helping. I have no idea why these idiots think it's a good idea to torture us so much, like the knowledge that we'll never be cis isn't enough. Can't even get HRT or surgeries.

 

[bag.of.cats]

Man, my dysphoria is getting worse and worse. I can't even sleep anymore.
This bullshit country with it's gatekeeping really isn't helping. I have no idea why these idiots think it's a good idea to torture us so much, like the knowledge that we'll never be cis isn't enough. Can't even get HRT or surgeries.

Have you thought about DIY? How are you customs?

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Interesting to hear your replies. I've heard miracle stories from all kinds of trans people about how suddenly their life became awesome after they got on HRT and transitioned, but this thread proves that is far from a universal experience. Which, I guess, means I'm not missing out on all that much in the grand scheme of things.

I wonder how much being able to pass relates to satisfaction. I think for some investing all the effort, time, and money to transition would build up hopes which, if they're grossly unsatisfied, might lead to even graver depression, hopelessness.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

But there is still dysphoria and I feel very marginalized by society. ... But there are also other reasons for my desire to ctb. Depression and anxiety for example. I also was a victim of bullying for several years straight, back in school, which is the reason why I became suicidal in the first place when I still was a very young person. I'm also poor and unemployed and there is no outlook for change. It's better for me to leave this world soon. I don't fit in here. I don't belong to this place. I've realized this during the last few months.

If I could give you gold for summing it up, I would. Really, really enjoyed reading your comment. Thank you.

 

[Final Escape]

I bet in a free country and I mean a truly free country where people are respected as individuals who's individual needs are put first in society. I can imagine being trans would not be near as difficult and the pain would be very much reduced. All of us would be richer in a free country like by a lot because there is no waste in a rational economy that is not altered by perverse incentives. So I imagine that most problems like this would be solved as early as possible. You would get very high quality professionals who can help u determine what is the best route for u or any therapy u might need. No none of it would be free because there is no such thing as free. Under government there is forced redistribution of income so any free or discounted services like welfare are actually not voluntarily given even if it appears that way. Its not free and someone had to be forced to pay for it at gun point. Anyway lol! My two cents.

 

[Mecha Man]

Thanks DF90 for putting an end to that.

If you're not trans, this thread probably isn't for you since the question is specifically for trans folks.

To answer the question, I'm transmasculine and non-binary (my pronouns are they/them/theirs). Gender identity and expression--and the pressures to conform that stem from the ways in which society pressures binary gender presentation--have certainly played a role in my depression throughout my life, especially as I hit puberty and as a teen and young adult. They still do sometimes, but to a much lesser extent.

At the same time, I am greatly appreciative of the insights into myself that being trans has forced me to unearth, and for helping me to see better how oppressions (and privileges, since I've been read as a man for the past 10 years and I'm white) interact. I couldn't have become comfortable with being trans alone--it took finding and building community, as well as shedding a lot of "friends" and some family.

In all, I've worked out and eliminated most of my own internalized transphobia (e.g., nowadays fear, rather than shame keeps my clothing "gender conforming"), so it's more so a complicating part of my life than a reason to CTB.

Well I'm not trans and I posted here. But I can see what you mean... If I wanted to know more about what trans meant I should've just started my own thread about it instead of derailing the thread. Sometimes I just do stupid things.