Discussion If you could go back to your younger self, would you want them to ctb to help yourself now?

[deepsweetdiver]

Its an odd question, but I see so many people- including myself- wishing they either ctb'ed earlier or at a certain moment to spare themselves from their current self. What do you all think? Would you do it? When would you want to?

 

[divinemistress87]

I should have done it 5 years ago. Peoples false toxic postivity hope kept me going . It gets better with time was a lie

 

[Yume Nikki]

Yes, if I knew how shit life would be later on, I'd do it sooner so I wouldn't have to bear the suffering that comes with aging.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Absolutely, yes. The earlier I die, the less I would suffer for in existence and that's the only thing that I value. Suicide is suffering prevention

 

[Yume Nikki]

I should have done it 5 years ago. Peoples false toxic postivity hope kept me going . It gets better with time was a lie

I fell for the same toxic positivity crap they kept feeding me when I was younger and it turns out the doomers were right in the end unfortunately :(

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Forget that. I should have been aborted the minute my gender was determined.

 

[Kassender]

I´d want to spend a day with him to make him feel loved and then end him quick and painlessly.

Not for me but out of love. To spare him the rest of this shit life.

 

[pointblank]

Yes cuz nothing matters anyway. I bought a noose once when I was in college. The only thing that kept me from CTB is my belief in spirituality and reincarnation. Now I realized that it's just somebody's psychosis and a pseudoscience.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Knowing for certain how things turn out? Definitely.

 

[cashmeout77]

Its an odd question, but I see so many people- including myself- wishing they either ctb'ed earlier or at a certain moment to spare themselves from their current self. What do you all think? Would you do it? When would you want to?

I attempted for the first time when I was 14. I'm 47 now, still suffering. Yes, I wish I succeeded then.

 

[nomoredolor]

I would do it when I was 12 and first thinking of trying. Fewer people would be hurt because I didn't have as an extensive network of family and friends. Pragmatically it makes sense. But also to prevent the suffering I've gone thru since then.
Anna

 

[Emeralds]

I wouldn't. I would have missed out on a lot of good things.

 

[TheHolySword]

Yes to selfishly spare myself this pain. No because living this long has given my brother memories to hold on to for a lifetime. It has given me a savings account to give to my baby nephew. A life insurance policy to leave to my brother. This longer suffering will be worth it in the end, I think.

 

[needthebus]

i kept putting off suicide as a teenager. i wanted to fall in love

at 18 someone i was in love with dumped me and i almost did it then

i wish i had. no one liked me then, just like now, and the pain has just gotten worse

it's awful but freeing to see existence for the brutal cruel torture it is. people can be fun sometimes, but fundamentally everyone is mean. i really do like myself, despite no one else seeming to like me, and i thought i deserved a chance at life, despite it all. but it only got worse.

i cant change people to somehow treat me decently. im over it.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

Everyday I wish that I wasn't too incompetent to shoot myself when I was fourteen. Everything's only gotten worse since then, and I only see that continuing in the future.

 

[cosmic-realism]

I was scheduled to die twice.Once in a road accident and once,when a ceiling fan almost fell atop of me when I was around 12.There is no better time to die than now.

 

[RandomGirl52]

no but only because my plan when I was little was to stab myself with a kitchen knife in the neck, I thought if I did it super fast my brain wouldn't stop me
so ya I would have 100% failed

 

[neurotoxic]

yeah I'd probably end teenage me myself if I got the chance

 

[GiverTaker]

I am young and it's a really good thing that I have access to SN. I would definitely have done it at 14 but my methods were awful

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I was supposed to CTB in mid-2022 but I think if my past self had asked me what cool games are coming then I wouldn't be able to resist telling him about Shadow Generations. Actually Frontiers would come out soon and that managed to carry me through most of 2023 without dying.

If I went back to when I was much much younger though I don't think I could have been trusted to commit suicide. I'd probably fuck it up somehow. Best I can do is maybe go even further back into the past and shoot my dad or something before he even meets my mom.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

My younger self would know about the mistakes I made that ultimately made me suicidal and therefore won't become suicidal.

That's a question that is asked so many times but in the universe we're living in time travel isn't possible by any means, we cannot change the past. All those questions are questions with no base and with a lot of unknown IFs.

 

[Forever Sleep]

For my sake, yes. It would have been good to just spare myself all this. Really- it would have been better if my Mum had aborted me. My problems started age 3, when she died.

Realistically though- I would be stuck with the same problem back then- that I didn't want my suicide to affect loved ones. Most of my loved ones have died now so- I'm actually better placed to go the older I am.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd personally never wish to exist at all under any circumstances rather I just want to cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again, I just see existence as an abomination that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for at all. I find existing to be deeply undesirable in every way possible and I see no value to suffering in this existence that always felt like such a terrible, cruel mistake to me, personally I'd prefer to die than be conscious in this existence of pointless suffering that I never would have chose in the first place just to die in agony from old age with no limit as to how much one can suffer.

I only want to cease existing and it's all I ever hoped for but really I never should have suffered in this existence at all, I find it a tragedy how this existence was imposed in the first place even know there were never any disadvantages to never suffering at all and there was never a need for existence. I really wish I could erase my existence so it's like I never suffered at all, non-existence truly is the only peace for me as after all only when I no longer exist will I be unable to suffer in any way, all I wish for is the relief of an eternal, dreamless sleep where nothing can concern me and this dreadful, unnecessary existence that just caused me to suffer is finally no longer my problem.

 

[deepsweetdiver]

i kept putting off suicide as a teenager. i wanted to fall in love

at 18 someone i was in love with dumped me and i almost did it then

i wish i had. no one liked me then, just like now, and the pain has just gotten worse

it's awful but freeing to see existence for the brutal cruel torture it is. people can be fun sometimes, but fundamentally everyone is mean. i really do like myself, despite no one else seeming to like me, and i thought i deserved a chance at life, despite it all. but it only got worse.

i cant change people to somehow treat me decently. im over it.

I get you, I just got dumped a few days ago and I was so close to doing it then, and its only made me feel worse about myself. Sending lots of hugs your way.

 

[Forveleth]

*points to blurb under username* There's your answer.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes a million times yes

 

[dawnixxloxxt]

its a very hard decision but yes, I would've done the winter i was 13

it was just easier to go because now i have girlfriend, my little brother is old enough to really remember me and i just know a shitload of people

back then i was horribly lonely and it was covid times so i had fucking nobody

 

[not fond of it]

As much as it is tempting to have not lived the past 7 years or so, my reasons for CTB then would have been narrow-sighted. A feeling of perceived exclusion from my peers. That pain has prodded me to do some pretty cool things, and to give my family more time with me (which I take their word for as being valuable).

My main regret for sticking it out this long is that I brought people into my life in the meantime. People who deserve better than losing someone to something they worked so hard to fight.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

This is a hard question because a lot of things went great for me. When I'm upset I often say that I should have killed myself in college, but otherwise I would live until now when things have become truly hopeless.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Not really an applicable question for me personally, since I started attempting fairly young