imsotired005
Member
- Dec 25, 2024
- 25
I wish there was just an off button. I wish I could just cut myself from existence. I'm too afraid to die. But I cant take it anymore I'm in so much pain. I've been forcing myself to try to get help and its like the world wants me to suffer. I'm losing my job because I cant even get myself up for it. I cant keep my living space clean anymore it looks like a tornado hit it. It hurts to feel it hurts to love it hurts to cry. I feel so tired. I cant afford mental health care I cant leave my house without panicking that my eyes might be looking the wrong way and that it will seem like im staring at someone. I cant wear the things I want to wear. I cannot be the projected image of myself I want to be.
I was stupid and bought the fake helium tank from the store a while ago and before I knew it wasn't actually usable its probably the most calm I've felt in my entire existence.
I could go buy the real stuff now that I know but then my boyfriend will see because he has my location so its like I can never win. I tried to find my sweet spot for night night and couldnt. I tried to partially hang but my SI was too strong. I cant fully hang myself because I have no idea where to do it. I got heated and posted I was gonna OD but I was even too scared for that. How how am I supposed to do this. Why are the ones who want to die the ones that live and why are the ones who want to live the ones to die. I feel so alone. To those who tried to befriend me Im sorry I still havent unlocked the chat feature. I just give up on my hopes to CTB I thought I found the SN source but I'm too scared and I cant buy anything else to make sure that I go as peaceful as possible through that method. I could shoot myself but its not a very big gun and I have no idea how to use it let alone how to aim to make sure I dont just disable myself and sit through even more suffering. I just wish I could get N. Or even live in a place where treatment resistant mental health could be helped with euthanasia. I'm so tired I want to die.
I was stupid and bought the fake helium tank from the store a while ago and before I knew it wasn't actually usable its probably the most calm I've felt in my entire existence.
I could go buy the real stuff now that I know but then my boyfriend will see because he has my location so its like I can never win. I tried to find my sweet spot for night night and couldnt. I tried to partially hang but my SI was too strong. I cant fully hang myself because I have no idea where to do it. I got heated and posted I was gonna OD but I was even too scared for that. How how am I supposed to do this. Why are the ones who want to die the ones that live and why are the ones who want to live the ones to die. I feel so alone. To those who tried to befriend me Im sorry I still havent unlocked the chat feature. I just give up on my hopes to CTB I thought I found the SN source but I'm too scared and I cant buy anything else to make sure that I go as peaceful as possible through that method. I could shoot myself but its not a very big gun and I have no idea how to use it let alone how to aim to make sure I dont just disable myself and sit through even more suffering. I just wish I could get N. Or even live in a place where treatment resistant mental health could be helped with euthanasia. I'm so tired I want to die.
