I wish I were assexual

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, only right way for anyone of Jewish faith to do it is to curse a new life to experiencing this world, so whew.

 

[terriblememories]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

I wish others had never ruined the emotion for me.

So you are like involuntarily celibate? Are you neurodivergent? What you said seems very sad. Being 43 years old and never having had these experiences despite wishing so. I am here if you wish to talk <3.
I empathize with you.

I don't know exactly what to say about my relationship with women given that it is essentially null. I have one or two female acquaintances I talk to regularly. One of them is closer and I can talk with her more about things. I don't see myself living, much less having a relationship with a woman. They intimidate me, even more than the males. I am a failure and a loser. I don't see why anyone would feel attracted to me. All my qualities are defects in the human society, this is why I want to escape to somewhere else so desperately.

My relationship with human beings in general is very strained, my relationship with women is perhaps even more so. I really have no idea how their lives are like and have had minimal contact with them my whole life. This female friend of mine is the closest I've ever gone to knowing more about them and how they see the world. I empathize with them, but in a distant way.

They seem even more distant and elusive than the males. I really never had any sort of deep connection to a woman whatsoever now that I think about it. I have had a few deep conversations with men, but can't recall any with a woman. We really are very distant. I dread that in a way. I wish I had had more female friends and experiences growing up, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up disqualified in that case. The loner loser male is a horrible social archetype — I don't recommend it. I've definitely suffered cruelty at the hands of socially integrated people due do that, but I understand it is bigger than them.

I don't see ourselves reconciling. I've connected closer to a few men in my life, it made me feel less alone, but I never connected deeply to any women. Though I do empathize with them, though, again, in a distant way unfortunately.

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women. The sheer idea of having sex with a woman seems eerie to me. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a woman. I wouldn't say it is a reason I want to ctb. My strained relationship with women is just part of the bigger problem that is my alienation from human beings in general. I really dread that, truthfully.
I just wish I could die now. But I have to go there again to suffer more.

I imagine human beings would laugh and mock me for being like that. These issues aren't really taken much seriously. Having sex and relationships with women is a big deal for males apparently. It was always a hot topic among the men I lived with. But I don't care really.
Anyway, sending virtual hugs.

I too wish I was asexual. For so, so long I've tried to force myself to be as such.

I have deep and severe gender dysphoria. The physical arousal of my body disgusts and horrifies me to the core. It makes me want to set myself on fire, it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin, it makes me want to take a scalpel and slice away the offending flesh. It's the main reason I refuse to even consider the idea of entering a romantic relationship despite the desire to be in one. I had wanted to be ace in the desperate hope of finding some relief from those feelings.

However suppressing and ignoring my urges for so many years, and trying to force myself to be something I'm not, is torture. It doesn't work and is absolutely soul shattering. But the alternative is so viscerally revolting to me that I just can't do it. If only I had been normal instead.

I fully realize asexual people deal with plenty of struggles as a result of being ace, and I do not at all mean to downplay what they go through. I'm also aware that being ace wouldn't solve most of my issues, either. I just desperately wish for my physical existence to be slightly more peaceful than it currently is.

I hope you will get to transition more if that will help.