I wish I were assexual

[The Disqualified]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

 

[_Gollum_]

Felt. The sexual impulse is the worst thing about humans, and the worst part about being human. I wish I had never felt an inkling of desire.

 

[sashaisalone]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

I used to feel similarly but it was pertained to confusion about my gender identity and the fact that my sexual urges were masculine on testosterone. Probably something different in your case, so don't think I'm egging you lol.

Is this something you've talked about with a therapist at all? Also do you have rituals you engage in that make the feelings or intrusive thoughts about it go away?

 

[tonicer]

I wish i was asexual too but for the exact opposite reason. I would give my left eye to just get a hug from a woman. I am a 43 year old KHHV and i don't know how much longer i can take it.

 

[zrk]

Relate to this. Sexuality is so degrading and animalistic.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

You know, I feel like I kinda achieved it. I can't bond with anyone anymore, I can't have feelings of any kind… In part because of this poison I have to take, but I feel a strong repulsion towards people naturally anyway.

 

[The Disqualified]

I wish i was asexual too but for the exact opposite reason. I would give my left eye to just get a hug from a woman. I am a 43 year old KHHV and i don't know how much longer i can take it.

So you are like involuntarily celibate? Are you neurodivergent? What you said seems very sad. Being 43 years old and never having had these experiences despite wishing so. I am here if you wish to talk <3.
I empathize with you.

I don't know exactly what to say about my relationship with women given that it is essentially null. I have one or two female acquaintances I talk to regularly. One of them is closer and I can talk with her more about things. I don't see myself living, much less having a relationship with a woman. They intimidate me, even more than the males. I am a failure and a loser. I don't see why anyone would feel attracted to me. All my qualities are defects in the human society, this is why I want to escape to somewhere else so desperately.

My relationship with human beings in general is very strained, my relationship with women is perhaps even more so. I really have no idea how their lives are like and have had minimal contact with them my whole life. This female friend of mine is the closest I've ever gone to knowing more about them and how they see the world. I empathize with them, but in a distant way.

They seem even more distant and elusive than the males. I really never had any sort of deep connection to a woman whatsoever now that I think about it. I have had a few deep conversations with men, but can't recall any with a woman. We really are very distant. I dread that in a way. I wish I had had more female friends and experiences growing up, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up disqualified in that case. The loner loser male is a horrible social archetype — I don't recommend it. I've definitely suffered cruelty at the hands of socially integrated people due do that, but I understand it is bigger than them.

I don't see ourselves reconciling. I've connected closer to a few men in my life, it made me feel less alone, but I never connected deeply to any women. Though I do empathize with them, though, again, in a distant way unfortunately.

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women. The sheer idea of having sex with a woman seems eerie to me. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a woman. I wouldn't say it is a reason I want to ctb. My strained relationship with women is just part of the bigger problem that is my alienation from human beings in general. I really dread that, truthfully.
I just wish I could die now. But I have to go there again to suffer more.

I imagine human beings would laugh and mock me for being like that. These issues aren't really taken much seriously. Having sex and relationships with women is a big deal for males apparently. It was always a hot topic among the men I lived with. But I don't care really.
Anyway, sending virtual hugs.

 

[sashaisalone]

So you are like involuntarily celibate? Are you neurodivergent? What you said seems very sad. Being 43 years old and never having had these experiences despite wishing so. I am here if you wish to talk <3.
I empathize with you.

I don't know exactly what to say about my relationship with women given that it is essentially null. I have one or two female acquaintances I talk to regularly. One of them is closer and I can talk with her more about things. I don't see myself living, much less having a relationship with a woman. They intimidate me, even more than the males. I am a failure and a loser. I don't see why anyone would feel attracted to me. All my qualities are defects in the human society, this is why I want to escape to somewhere else so desperately.

My relationship with human beings in general is very strained, my relationship with women is perhaps even more so. I really have no idea how their lives are like and have had minimal contact with them my whole life. This female friend of mine is the closest I've ever gone to knowing more about them and how they see the world. I empathize with them, but in a distant way.

They seem even more distant and elusive than the males. I really never had any sort of deep connection to a woman whatsoever now that I think about it. I have had a few deep conversations with men, but can't recall any with a woman. We really are very distant. I dread that in a way. I wish I had had more female friends and experiences growing up, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up disqualified in that case. The loner loser male is a horrible social archetype — I don't recommend it. I've definitely suffered cruelty at the hands of socially integrated people due do that, but I understand it is bigger than them.

I don't see ourselves reconciling. I've connected closer to a few men in my life, it made me feel less alone, but I never connected deeply to any women. Though I do empathize with them, though, again, in a distant way unfortunately.

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women. The sheer idea of having sex with a woman seems eerie to me. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a woman. I wouldn't say it is a reason I want to ctb. My strained relationship with women is just part of the bigger problem that is my alienation from human beings in general. I really dread that, truthfully.
I just wish I could die now. But I have to go there again to suffer more.

I imagine human beings would laugh and mock me for being like that. These issues aren't really taken much seriously. Having sex and relationships with women is a big deal for males apparently. It was always a hot topic among the men I lived with. But I don't care really.
Anyway, sending virtual hugs.

I'm curious. How old are you?

Also, I'm very curious about the whys. Let's say hypothetically, a woman had a crush on you, but she was somewhat sexually conservative, and wanted courtship to be nonsexual at least initially. How would that make you feel? Like holding her hand, feeling her gaze, feeling wanted, etc.?

 

[phantomisgone]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

I'm Asexual. A lot of times in my life, I've actually dreaded it b/c people called me weird as if there is something wrong w/ me. Since I tend to prioritize friends more than having a significant other, my friends start to think I'm weird.

It's actually brought me a grief in my life. You realize where people will eventually abandon you just to get one single lover. You are not the priority anymore b/c you cannot offer them what they "need" / want.

You just watch people come & go & eventually, become isolated.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Eh, im still dying of being completly and utterly starved of affection, it's not that great.

 

[PanaxMan]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

This honestly makes sense and I wish I could feel the same. Maybe with my wording economic status it'll become more natural but if stuff happens to go up well there's goes my sex drive

 

[unluckysadness]

I wish i was asexual too but for the exact opposite reason. I would give my left eye to just get a hug from a woman. I am a 43 year old KHHV and i don't know how much longer i can take it.

You're not alone. I'm exactly the same age as you and I'll die a virgin. I only recently learned that I was neurodivergent and probably asexual. If I had known that sooner, it would have saved me a lot of trouble, but it's too late now. Nobody talked about it in the 80's and the 90's. I was born 20 years too early. The worst thing is that I don't look too bad and I could have been in relationship but my brain is dysfunctional since I was born.
May we find peace

 

[SASU-KE]

My closest friend was asexual. I understood a lot about them through her.It's a very difficult, lonely life where you're cut off from everyone else. You don't want to be asexual. She spent her whole life wishing she was normal, she couldn't connect with anyone. When you're asexual, you can't easily form bonds with anyone, even normal bonds of friendship.

 

[happysunnydayy]

I don't like sex but have this strong desire for closeness hugs and kisses etc, nothing sexual but innocent. I feel starved of any love and affection. It sucks because I've not been allowed to have any relationship with the opposite gender. The few times I did it I was over the moon but the heightened anxiety that came with doing something with drastic consequences wasn't worth the experience.

 

[tonicer]

So you are like involuntarily celibate? Are you neurodivergent? What you said seems very sad. Being 43 years old and never having had these experiences despite wishing so. I am here if you wish to talk <3.
I empathize with you.

I don't know exactly what to say about my relationship with women given that it is essentially null. I have one or two female acquaintances I talk to regularly. One of them is closer and I can talk with her more about things. I don't see myself living, much less having a relationship with a woman. They intimidate me, even more than the males. I am a failure and a loser. I don't see why anyone would feel attracted to me. All my qualities are defects in the human society, this is why I want to escape to somewhere else so desperately.

My relationship with human beings in general is very strained, my relationship with women is perhaps even more so. I really have no idea how their lives are like and have had minimal contact with them my whole life. This female friend of mine is the closest I've ever gone to knowing more about them and how they see the world. I empathize with them, but in a distant way.

They seem even more distant and elusive than the males. I really never had any sort of deep connection to a woman whatsoever now that I think about it. I have had a few deep conversations with men, but can't recall any with a woman. We really are very distant. I dread that in a way. I wish I had had more female friends and experiences growing up, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up disqualified in that case. The loner loser male is a horrible social archetype — I don't recommend it. I've definitely suffered cruelty at the hands of socially integrated people due do that, but I understand it is bigger than them.

I don't see ourselves reconciling. I've connected closer to a few men in my life, it made me feel less alone, but I never connected deeply to any women. Though I do empathize with them, though, again, in a distant way unfortunately.

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women. The sheer idea of having sex with a woman seems eerie to me. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a woman. I wouldn't say it is a reason I want to ctb. My strained relationship with women is just part of the bigger problem that is my alienation from human beings in general. I really dread that, truthfully.
I just wish I could die now. But I have to go there again to suffer more.

I imagine human beings would laugh and mock me for being like that. These issues aren't really taken much seriously. Having sex and relationships with women is a big deal for males apparently. It was always a hot topic among the men I lived with. But I don't care really.
Anyway, sending virtual hugs.

Yeah i am an incel but not in the modern kind of way where i hate women it's quite the opposite i adore them and think they are the better ones. Most of the violence is committed by men after all. It seems to me that having a Y instead of two X chromosomes is a defect.

For me it's not the lack of sex but the lack of romance or emotion. If i had a female friend that gave me a hug when we meet, i would be happy. If she thinks i am to ugly to hug only talking to her would also help me profoundly.

I never experienced racism in my life but being judged on how my face looks feels very close to what i imagine it must feel like. I never choose to look like this, my face just is like this. If i had the choice i would make it better looking.

You're not alone. I'm exactly the same age as you and I'll die a virgin. I only recently learned that I was neurodivergent and probably asexual. If I had known that sooner, it would have saved me a lot of trouble, but it's too late now. Nobody talked about it in the 80's and the 90's. I was born 20 years too early. The worst thing is that I don't look too bad and I could have been in relationship but my brain is dysfunctional since I was born.
May we find peace

Peace sounds lovely. Though a hug every now and then would be amazing. I read about how hugging someone else than your parents feels like and it sounds like something entirely different. It makes me very sad that i will probably never experience it because my time is running out. Once my parents are dead i have nothing that keeps me going.

 

[The Disqualified]

My closest friend was asexual. I understood a lot about them through her.It's a very difficult, lonely life where you're cut off from everyone else. You don't want to be asexual. She spent her whole life wishing she was normal, she couldn't connect with anyone. When you're asexual, you can't easily form bonds with anyone, even normal bonds of friendship.

I hear your words.
I double-checked asexual with AI:

Absolutely. Asexual people lead full social and romantic lives, though the "shape" of those relationships depends entirely on the individual.

Because asexuality only describes a lack of sexual attraction, it doesn't shut off the human desire for companionship, intimacy, or stability.

So I don't think we are using the same word here. By asexual I mean not having sexual desire. I could still have friendships or even sex, but wouldn't feel desire.
Again, I really don't understand the connection here. I am not asexual and can't connect with anyone so I really don't see it. Though I empathize with your friend.

I used to feel similarly but it was pertained to confusion about my gender identity and the fact that my sexual urges were masculine on testosterone. Probably something different in your case, so don't think I'm egging you lol.

Sorry, I couldn't really understand what you meant.
So, you are trans M-F and your sexual urges were "masculine" in testosterone. I don't quite get what that means.
But I can see the gender identity confusion part. I've seen many people who are trans in this forum and really empathize with them. It really is a tragedy how many suffer in this world. I know you are not egging me, no worries :)
I feel sexual desire normally, it is purely carnal. That tortures me, because it reminds me of my isolation.

Is this something you've talked about with a therapist at all? Also do you have rituals you engage in that make the feelings or intrusive thoughts about it go away?

I've talked with my therapist some times. He thought I was prudish in a way and talked about morality constraining sex etc.
I don't think they understood me really. I don't really care much about that. It is just that like other things, sexual desire reminds me of my isolation and loneliness. That is a horrible feeling, especially when you are trying to connect with others but can't make it.
I have no such rituals.

I don't like sex but have this strong desire for closeness hugs and kisses etc, nothing sexual but innocent. I feel starved of any love and affection. It sucks because I've not been allowed to have any relationship with the opposite gender. The few times I did it I was over the moon but the heightened anxiety that came with doing something with drastic consequences wasn't worth the experience.

I feel starved of all human connection really, even beyond hugs and kisses and what not. Just having a friend by my side I could talk to consistently in real life about things I actually like would make my life more bearable. I empathize with you.
You are not allowed to? Drastic consequences? I am curious if you wish to share more. Having a relationship with someone you actually love and loves you back must really be an incredible feeling. I cannot imagine.