I wish I were assexual

[The Disqualified]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

 

[_Gollum_]

Felt. The sexual impulse is the worst thing about humans, and the worst part about being human. I wish I had never felt an inkling of desire.

 

[sashaisalone]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

I used to feel similarly but it was pertained to confusion about my gender identity and the fact that my sexual urges were masculine on testosterone. Probably something different in your case, so don't think I'm egging you lol.

Is this something you've talked about with a therapist at all? Also do you have rituals you engage in that make the feelings or intrusive thoughts about it go away?

 

[tonicer]

I wish i was asexual too but for the exact opposite reason. I would give my left eye to just get a hug from a woman. I am a 43 year old KHHV and i don't know how much longer i can take it.

 

[zrk]

Relate to this. Sexuality is so degrading and animalistic.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

You know, I feel like I kinda achieved it. I can't bond with anyone anymore, I can't have feelings of any kind… In part because of this poison I have to take, but I feel a strong repulsion towards people naturally anyway.

 

[The Disqualified]

I wish i was asexual too but for the exact opposite reason. I would give my left eye to just get a hug from a woman. I am a 43 year old KHHV and i don't know how much longer i can take it.

So you are like involuntarily celibate? Are you neurodivergent? What you said seems very sad. Being 43 years old and never having had these experiences despite wishing so. I am here if you wish to talk <3.
I empathize with you.

I don't know exactly what to say about my relationship with women given that it is essentially null. I have one or two female acquaintances I talk to regularly. One of them is closer and I can talk with her more about things. I don't see myself living, much less having a relationship with a woman. They intimidate me, even more than the males. I am a failure and a loser. I don't see why anyone would feel attracted to me. All my qualities are defects in the human society, this is why I want to escape to somewhere else so desperately.

My relationship with human beings in general is very strained, my relationship with women is perhaps even more so. I really have no idea how their lives are like and have had minimal contact with them my whole life. This female friend of mine is the closest I've ever gone to knowing more about them and how they see the world. I empathize with them, but in a distant way.

They seem even more distant and elusive than the males. I really never had any sort of deep connection to a woman whatsoever now that I think about it. I have had a few deep conversations with men, but can't recall any with a woman. We really are very distant. I dread that in a way. I wish I had had more female friends and experiences growing up, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up disqualified in that case. The loner loser male is a horrible social archetype — I don't recommend it. I've definitely suffered cruelty at the hands of socially integrated people due do that, but I understand it is bigger than them.

I don't see ourselves reconciling. I've connected closer to a few men in my life, it made me feel less alone, but I never connected deeply to any women. Though I do empathize with them, though, again, in a distant way unfortunately.

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women. The sheer idea of having sex with a woman seems eerie to me. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a woman. I wouldn't say it is a reason I want to ctb. My strained relationship with women is just part of the bigger problem that is my alienation from human beings in general. I really dread that, truthfully.
I just wish I could die now. But I have to go there again to suffer more.

I imagine human beings would laugh and mock me for being like that. These issues aren't really taken much seriously. Having sex and relationships with women is a big deal for males apparently. It was always a hot topic among the men I lived with. But I don't care really.
Anyway, sending virtual hugs.

 

[sashaisalone]

So you are like involuntarily celibate? Are you neurodivergent? What you said seems very sad. Being 43 years old and never having had these experiences despite wishing so. I am here if you wish to talk <3.
I empathize with you.

I don't know exactly what to say about my relationship with women given that it is essentially null. I have one or two female acquaintances I talk to regularly. One of them is closer and I can talk with her more about things. I don't see myself living, much less having a relationship with a woman. They intimidate me, even more than the males. I am a failure and a loser. I don't see why anyone would feel attracted to me. All my qualities are defects in the human society, this is why I want to escape to somewhere else so desperately.

My relationship with human beings in general is very strained, my relationship with women is perhaps even more so. I really have no idea how their lives are like and have had minimal contact with them my whole life. This female friend of mine is the closest I've ever gone to knowing more about them and how they see the world. I empathize with them, but in a distant way.

They seem even more distant and elusive than the males. I really never had any sort of deep connection to a woman whatsoever now that I think about it. I have had a few deep conversations with men, but can't recall any with a woman. We really are very distant. I dread that in a way. I wish I had had more female friends and experiences growing up, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up disqualified in that case. The loner loser male is a horrible social archetype — I don't recommend it. I've definitely suffered cruelty at the hands of socially integrated people due do that, but I understand it is bigger than them.

I don't see ourselves reconciling. I've connected closer to a few men in my life, it made me feel less alone, but I never connected deeply to any women. Though I do empathize with them, though, again, in a distant way unfortunately.

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women. The sheer idea of having sex with a woman seems eerie to me. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a woman. I wouldn't say it is a reason I want to ctb. My strained relationship with women is just part of the bigger problem that is my alienation from human beings in general. I really dread that, truthfully.
I just wish I could die now. But I have to go there again to suffer more.

I imagine human beings would laugh and mock me for being like that. These issues aren't really taken much seriously. Having sex and relationships with women is a big deal for males apparently. It was always a hot topic among the men I lived with. But I don't care really.
Anyway, sending virtual hugs.

I'm curious. How old are you?

Also, I'm very curious about the whys. Let's say hypothetically, a woman had a crush on you, but she was somewhat sexually conservative, and wanted courtship to be nonsexual at least initially. How would that make you feel? Like holding her hand, feeling her gaze, feeling wanted, etc.?

 

[phantomisgone]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

I'm Asexual. A lot of times in my life, I've actually dreaded it b/c people called me weird as if there is something wrong w/ me. Since I tend to prioritize friends more than having a significant other, my friends start to think I'm weird.

It's actually brought me a grief in my life. You realize where people will eventually abandon you just to get one single lover. You are not the priority anymore b/c you cannot offer them what they "need" / want.

You just watch people come & go & eventually, become isolated.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Eh, im still dying of being completly and utterly starved of affection, it's not that great.

 

[PanaxMan]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

This honestly makes sense and I wish I could feel the same. Maybe with my wording economic status it'll become more natural but if stuff happens to go up well there's goes my sex drive

 

[unluckysadness]

I wish i was asexual too but for the exact opposite reason. I would give my left eye to just get a hug from a woman. I am a 43 year old KHHV and i don't know how much longer i can take it.

You're not alone. I'm exactly the same age as you and I'll die a virgin. I only recently learned that I was neurodivergent and probably asexual. If I had known that sooner, it would have saved me a lot of trouble, but it's too late now. Nobody talked about it in the 80's and the 90's. I was born 20 years too early. The worst thing is that I don't look too bad and I could have been in relationship but my brain is dysfunctional since I was born.
May we find peace

 

[SASU-KE]

My closest friend was asexual. I understood a lot about them through her.It's a very difficult, lonely life where you're cut off from everyone else. You don't want to be asexual. She spent her whole life wishing she was normal, she couldn't connect with anyone. When you're asexual, you can't easily form bonds with anyone, even normal bonds of friendship.

 

[happysunnydayy]

I don't like sex but have this strong desire for closeness hugs and kisses etc, nothing sexual but innocent. I feel starved of any love and affection. It sucks because I've not been allowed to have any relationship with the opposite gender. The few times I did it I was over the moon but the heightened anxiety that came with doing something with drastic consequences wasn't worth the experience.

 

[tonicer]

So you are like involuntarily celibate? Are you neurodivergent? What you said seems very sad. Being 43 years old and never having had these experiences despite wishing so. I am here if you wish to talk <3.
I empathize with you.

I don't know exactly what to say about my relationship with women given that it is essentially null. I have one or two female acquaintances I talk to regularly. One of them is closer and I can talk with her more about things. I don't see myself living, much less having a relationship with a woman. They intimidate me, even more than the males. I am a failure and a loser. I don't see why anyone would feel attracted to me. All my qualities are defects in the human society, this is why I want to escape to somewhere else so desperately.

My relationship with human beings in general is very strained, my relationship with women is perhaps even more so. I really have no idea how their lives are like and have had minimal contact with them my whole life. This female friend of mine is the closest I've ever gone to knowing more about them and how they see the world. I empathize with them, but in a distant way.

They seem even more distant and elusive than the males. I really never had any sort of deep connection to a woman whatsoever now that I think about it. I have had a few deep conversations with men, but can't recall any with a woman. We really are very distant. I dread that in a way. I wish I had had more female friends and experiences growing up, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up disqualified in that case. The loner loser male is a horrible social archetype — I don't recommend it. I've definitely suffered cruelty at the hands of socially integrated people due do that, but I understand it is bigger than them.

I don't see ourselves reconciling. I've connected closer to a few men in my life, it made me feel less alone, but I never connected deeply to any women. Though I do empathize with them, though, again, in a distant way unfortunately.

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women. The sheer idea of having sex with a woman seems eerie to me. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a woman. I wouldn't say it is a reason I want to ctb. My strained relationship with women is just part of the bigger problem that is my alienation from human beings in general. I really dread that, truthfully.
I just wish I could die now. But I have to go there again to suffer more.

I imagine human beings would laugh and mock me for being like that. These issues aren't really taken much seriously. Having sex and relationships with women is a big deal for males apparently. It was always a hot topic among the men I lived with. But I don't care really.
Anyway, sending virtual hugs.

Yeah i am an incel but not in the modern kind of way where i hate women it's quite the opposite i adore them and think they are the better ones. Most of the violence is committed by men after all. It seems to me that having a Y instead of two X chromosomes is a defect.

For me it's not the lack of sex but the lack of romance or emotion. If i had a female friend that gave me a hug when we meet, i would be happy. If she thinks i am to ugly to hug only talking to her would also help me profoundly.

I never experienced racism in my life but being judged on how my face looks feels very close to what i imagine it must feel like. I never choose to look like this, my face just is like this. If i had the choice i would make it better looking.

You're not alone. I'm exactly the same age as you and I'll die a virgin. I only recently learned that I was neurodivergent and probably asexual. If I had known that sooner, it would have saved me a lot of trouble, but it's too late now. Nobody talked about it in the 80's and the 90's. I was born 20 years too early. The worst thing is that I don't look too bad and I could have been in relationship but my brain is dysfunctional since I was born.
May we find peace

Peace sounds lovely. Though a hug every now and then would be amazing. I read about how hugging someone else than your parents feels like and it sounds like something entirely different. It makes me very sad that i will probably never experience it because my time is running out. Once my parents are dead i have nothing that keeps me going.

 

[The Disqualified]

My closest friend was asexual. I understood a lot about them through her.It's a very difficult, lonely life where you're cut off from everyone else. You don't want to be asexual. She spent her whole life wishing she was normal, she couldn't connect with anyone. When you're asexual, you can't easily form bonds with anyone, even normal bonds of friendship.

I hear your words.
I double-checked asexual with AI:

Absolutely. Asexual people lead full social and romantic lives, though the "shape" of those relationships depends entirely on the individual.

Because asexuality only describes a lack of sexual attraction, it doesn't shut off the human desire for companionship, intimacy, or stability.

So I don't think we are using the same word here. By asexual I mean not having sexual desire. I could still have friendships or even sex, but wouldn't feel desire.
Again, I really don't understand the connection here. I am not asexual and can't connect with anyone so I really don't see it. Though I empathize with your friend.

I used to feel similarly but it was pertained to confusion about my gender identity and the fact that my sexual urges were masculine on testosterone. Probably something different in your case, so don't think I'm egging you lol.

Sorry, I couldn't really understand what you meant.
So, you are trans M-F and your sexual urges were "masculine" in testosterone. I don't quite get what that means.
But I can see the gender identity confusion part. I've seen many people who are trans in this forum and really empathize with them. It really is a tragedy how many suffer in this world. I know you are not egging me, no worries :)
I feel sexual desire normally, it is purely carnal. That tortures me, because it reminds me of my isolation.

Is this something you've talked about with a therapist at all? Also do you have rituals you engage in that make the feelings or intrusive thoughts about it go away?

I've talked with my therapist some times. He thought I was prudish in a way and talked about morality constraining sex etc.
I don't think they understood me really. I don't really care much about that. It is just that like other things, sexual desire reminds me of my isolation and loneliness. That is a horrible feeling, especially when you are trying to connect with others but can't make it.
I have no such rituals.

I don't like sex but have this strong desire for closeness hugs and kisses etc, nothing sexual but innocent. I feel starved of any love and affection. It sucks because I've not been allowed to have any relationship with the opposite gender. The few times I did it I was over the moon but the heightened anxiety that came with doing something with drastic consequences wasn't worth the experience.

I feel starved of all human connection really, even beyond hugs and kisses and what not. Just having a friend by my side I could talk to consistently in real life about things I actually like would make my life more bearable. I empathize with you.
You are not allowed to? Drastic consequences? I am curious if you wish to share more. Having a relationship with someone you actually love and loves you back must really be an incredible feeling. I cannot imagine.

 

[MMOSTHATED]

Relate to this. Sexuality is so degrading and animalistic.

uhm ur pfp

 

[SoLowHollow48]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

Ya, same. I wish I don't feel any sexual impulses and still be hormonally healthy.

I hate how sex entails intimacy and vulnerability. A lot of people say that sex is just sex but I don't think so? We're not animals. We feel and intellectualize things. We seek meaning in everything, including sex.

Sex is hard.

 

[The Disqualified]

I'm curious. How old are you?

I am 20 years old. I don't think my age matters much. I've been the same person all my life. I don't see why anything special would happen as I age. In fact, I would much rather go back in time to when I was less mature and perhaps more impulsive. Perhaps then I could've learned how to be a human being.

Also, I'm very curious about the whys. Let's say hypothetically, a woman had a crush on you, but she was somewhat sexually conservative, and wanted courtship to be nonsexual at least initially. How would that make you feel? Like holding her hand, feeling her gaze, feeling wanted, etc.?

I struggle to connect to anyone, there is nothing special in regards to women.
A woman having a crush on me... the problems start there haha. That never happened and I don't see it happening. I don't have any problems with my face, looks or height. My problem is that I am not a human being. Being less vague and more precise for you to understand: I am neurodivergent, socially anxious, and struggle to connect with other people on a fundamental level. My attempts at connecting with others just made me feel disposable. I was always a clown, a loser or both. I never met a single person in life that had interests close to mine and that I could feel deeply connected to. I have no social life or community and that pains me deeply. I feel like a permanent social outcast.


"Sexually conservative", I find that funny, no offense. Wanting courtship to be non-sexual (at least initially!) is described as conservative these days haha. I laugh because it really sounds absurd.
I would probably prefer that, however. I am unsure. I don't like thinking about that to be honest. I don't see myself having casual relationships with a woman. What is the point of having sex with a woman if there is no connection? I don't see a point in it. I would feel gross and used. I would rather be celibate.

You ask about how I would feel:

How would that make you feel? Like holding her hand, feeling her gaze, feeling wanted, etc.?"

I don't know honestly. I can't imagine. Again, I can't stop thinking about how I would probably not enjoy the moment unless I really felt a connection to the person. But just thinking about that sounds impossible. I just picture myself avoiding that person and going away in shame. I would probably feel insecure all throughout if I had to mask. If she found me out she would just leave me disgusted like everyone always does. I wouldn't want to be found out by her. It would be embarassing and shameful.
The more I think about it the more I believe having a relationship wouldn't really solve anything for me and would perhaps only cause me to get more hurt. The problem really is I.
"[H]olding her hand"... "feeling her gaze"... "feeling wanted". I really don't know. A part of me doesn't even want to imagine that. I would probably feel better about my life if I had someone I could truly connect with. I fear that if I went into a relationship just for the sake of it we would both be hurting ourselves. And I don't see a point in hookup culture.
I hope I was able to satisfy your curiosity perhaps. Your questions really touched me in a way. I don't see myself ever dating anyone with all honesty. I don't even know if I will be alive a couple of years from now. I am too much hurt by trauma and isolation. I don't think there is any way out for me. And I don't see a woman feeling attracted to me. I never really felt any attraction to a woman beyond mere sexual desire, but that is purely carnal. What interests me more is connecting to a human being, male or female, deeply; but that sounds impossible.
Sending virtual hugs to you.

 

[zrk]

uhm ur pfp

What about it?

 

[sashaisalone]

I am 20 years old. I don't think my age matters much. I've been the same person all my life. I don't see why anything special would happen as I age. In fact, I would much rather go back in time to when I was less mature and perhaps more impulsive. Perhaps then I could've learned how to be a human being.

The reason I ask, is sometimes teens and younger adults say things from a limited perspective that they haven't personally experienced something yet, but they might have a different perspective when they do experience it for themselves.

I hope I was able to satisfy your curiosity perhaps. Your questions really touched me in a way. I don't see myself ever dating anyone with all honesty. I don't even know if I will be alive a couple of years from now. I am too much hurt by trauma and isolation. I don't think there is any way out for me. And I don't see a woman feeling attracted to me. I never really felt any attraction to a woman beyond mere sexual desire, but that is purely carnal. What interests me more is connecting to a human being, male or female, deeply; but that sounds impossible.
Sending virtual hugs to you.

So I have Aspergers, ADHD, andBPD myself, but I have a very disorganized attachment style where I can either be aloof and uninterested in peers or I get hyper attached and clingy. A lot of what you're describing sounds like a very anxious avoidant attachment style. My biggest recommendation is to talk about these kinds of issues with a therapist. I also can't say for certain, but it sounds like your aversion to your own sexuality is similar to your aversion to intimate connection in general, rather than it being an OCD thing about shame. You sound very fearful of being disappointed or used.

 

[mlha]

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women.

I had a LTR and everything was great. But when I became single, I've lost my libido and even porn isn't doing much. I would like to be in a relationship with a healthy sex live, but it seems I'm unable to be. The grass is always greener on the other side, I guess.

 

[The Disqualified]

Yeah i am an incel but not in the modern kind of way where i hate women it's quite the opposite i adore them and think they are the better ones. Most of the violence is committed by men after all. It seems to me that having a Y instead of two X chromosomes is a defect.

I understand. I don't think women are better than men.
I vaguely recall a woman I know saying there wouldn't be wars or violence if there were only women in the world. I find that idea to be completely frivolous.
Women are capable of violence, hypocrisy and hate just like men.
One may argue that women tend to be less violent for sociological or even biological reasons, and I can see how one could reasonably defend that; but to believe the world's problems would be magically solved if women were in power is a fantasy.
Just look how many women in power today serve the system like a man would.
I don't consider having a Y chromosome to be a problem. My problem isn't being male or female at all. My problem is human beings really.

For me it's not the lack of sex but the lack of romance or emotion. If i had a female friend that gave me a hug when we meet, i would be happy. If she thinks i am to ugly to hug only talking to her would also help me profoundly.

I see that. It seems you really dread your looks. Have you gone to a therapist or things like that? Have you given up on dating? I don't consider myself ugly, my problem is neurodivergence, anxiety, and not being a human being in general. But I empathize with you. I hope you can find someone that finds you beautiful <3

I never experienced racism in my life but being judged on how my face looks feels very close to what i imagine it must feel like. I never choose to look like this, my face just is like this. If i had the choice i would make it better looking.

I also never experienced racism or things of that sort. I have been judged for my neurodivergence and weirdness all my life, however. So much so that I have internalized this judgement deep within me. It really is a horrible feeling.
I really dread how much suffering human beings inflict on each other. I really dread that, truthfully.
I hope you can feel better today. Sending virtual hugs.

 

[HopeIess]

the need for sex and affection and knowing i cant get it and i probably never will is what makes me want to ctb

 

[tonicer]

My problem is human beings really.

I know what you mean.

I see that. It seems you really dread your looks. Have you gone to a therapist or things like that? Have you given up on dating? I don't consider myself ugly, my problem is neurodivergence, anxiety, and not being a human being in general. But I empathize with you. I hope you can find someone that finds you beautiful <3

I don't need anyone to think i am beautiful all i want is love.

I really dread how much suffering human beings inflict on each other. I really dread that, truthfully.

I wish we could all live by the categorical imperative. Imagine a world where you don't need to lock up your bike because nobody would even think about stealing it.

I hope you can feel better today. Sending virtual hugs.

Thank you. I might feel better in the next couple of days if i get the job i applied for last. Hugs received ... sending some back to you in return. :)

 

[ironrain]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

I'd love to have intimate relationship with someone but sometimes I think about how we'll be still separated by walls of bodies and minds and can't really be completely open with each other, because part of person's desirability is their secrets, figuring them out. When I think about it I feel a little lonely. As if I will never be loved for who I really am. But that's just a what if...

 

[[redacted]]

I've felt that way a few times. Sexuality can be a burden for me since I'll never have sex or anything due to my mental health.
It really is painful craving sex for so long and not being able to get it.