Venting I wish I loved myself enough to care :)

[working4theknife]

Hey so this is my first time posting so I'm not really sure how to start this off? I just wanted a place to vent. I just wish I loved myself enough to have self respect. I know if I fought really hard it could be found but I feel so unlovable. The only way I feel useful or loveable is when people use me for sex. Even after that I usually have a big breakdown that results in some form of self destruction. I don't think I will ever find the strength to love myself. I was sober off cigs for a min but relapsed today along with self harm. I'm now drinking alone in my room and wish I could tell a friend but everyone has their own lives so who gives a fuck? I want to have a ctb date for next year (either before or after halloween) planned out if I can wait that long. I don't know what I'm rlly trying to say but I hope if yr reading this your doing okay. Thank you for reading. <3

 

[Starry✧･ﾟDaze]

It's extremely cruel when it feels like one's only purpose to exist is to be there for others. I can relate to this so much, but in my case it's not sex, but rather being other people's personal therapist/listener and looking pretty for men.

But if I turn things around and reach out for them, in need of someone who listens to me, nothing ever really happens.

It sucks that people try to look like they care, but when you're really down and need help, everyone retreats or won't give it a second thought.
It sucks that we grow up unable to love ourselves, because no one was there to show us how to do it.
Sorry you have to got through all that shit and it's brave of you to open up here after experiencing so many disappointments.

I really hope you find peace ~ ♡

 

[working4theknife]

Thank you so much love. I hope you find inner peace as well In whatever ways works for you <3 I'm sorry that when it comes to you needing help not one seems to reach out back to you. I hope you can find that because im sure you are more than deserving.