Venting I want to laugh at the fact that I had hope

[qwert3948]

nonsense ramble, just speaking for the sake of it

After having one of the bests times of my life recently, I fell back at normal and I'm realizing it's really not worth it

Being a social person is a fucking nightmare
When I was alone 24/7 I sh once every few months or so
Now I'm self harming at least every 3 days. Last week I think I sh every single day
I don't know why I bothered trying when I'm well aware of my social anxiety

I'm just starting the fall back, but I may come back to planning cbt soon again.
from last time, I'll probably choose night night or partial hanging since it's what I have easily available

might break up with my bf soon or just let him know I'm going. though I prefer to not stress him out over it
not that he'd be super sad over breaking up with a loser like me tho

having hope really sucks doesn't it though?
it's like watching a person die slowly and painfully right in front of you, but it's yourself

and there I am

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Can relate with the title. Cant remember anymore how many time's ive looked into how to lose the feeling of "hope" or at least try and control not being hopeful anymore but i cant get decent results.