cicada6865
Member
- Nov 26, 2024
- 14
Failed a suicide attempt in 2019 and I've still been miserable. People keep telling me life gets better but it never does. I can't fucking wait to kill myself but I always get so paranoid that I'll miss the brainstem and that I'll have a super painful death or that I won't actually die and paramedics will come and I'll just be a vegetable unable to kill myself ever again.
I have 9mm hollow points with my pistol. I have an MRI showing exactly where the medulla/pons/thalamus are in my skull. I've replanned this so many times, but my paranoid ass gets so fucking paranoid about recoil or involuntary last millisecond jerks that I don't even know where to shoot, at what angle, etc. I could just get a 12 gauge pretty easily but I've heard that with long barrels your neck extension can just make you blow your face off instead of hitting the brainstem.
I'm sure I want to die, I just wish I knew how, where to aim, how to angle, whether to use FMJ or HP, what caliber, fuck.... I hate my life so much I've literally devolved into insanity.
I have 9mm hollow points with my pistol. I have an MRI showing exactly where the medulla/pons/thalamus are in my skull. I've replanned this so many times, but my paranoid ass gets so fucking paranoid about recoil or involuntary last millisecond jerks that I don't even know where to shoot, at what angle, etc. I could just get a 12 gauge pretty easily but I've heard that with long barrels your neck extension can just make you blow your face off instead of hitting the brainstem.
I'm sure I want to die, I just wish I knew how, where to aim, how to angle, whether to use FMJ or HP, what caliber, fuck.... I hate my life so much I've literally devolved into insanity.