Venting I want to CBT, but i dont want to leave my cat.

[lastwordsofmine]

So, a month ago i got a cat, and i love him very much, he seems to be happy in his new home. I rescued him from the shelter and it was meant as a thing to keep me alive.
Yet every time i try to get help i get met by barriers. I was sexually assulted several times by my own brother when i was in kindergarden and some years forward. Now im 18 and i try to get help, i try to call the helpline in my country so i can actually get this trauma worked with, but one, the waittime is 2 years, and im not sure if i will live that long. And second when i tried to call yesterday they said their phone line was closed for the day despite having written on their website that Tuesdays are open for calls to well, get your startup interview. I hate this. I just want to stop being affected this much by my traumas or just die entirely. I dont have the energy to keep on living. Im trying to keep on going but i just want to die, i wanna catch the bus. I dont want to be here anymore, life is terrible, whilst i do have friends but, i feel like i'll be easily replaced. Also my anti depressants arent working and at this point i might just go out to the train tracks and wait abit for the next train to come, hoping its full speed and hoping i die. I dont know what to do, im not sure if i can get SN in Denmark, but if i can i might also try that.
I just dont wanna leave my cat either. Life is hard and i dont think i can keep on going for much longer anymore. I've already made it to 18, i have no plans, im trying to figure out what to do with my life, if it gets better but im actively loosing hope every day. I've thought about going to the psychward, they arent allowed to not take me in as i have a clear plan as to how im gonna kill myself and i will act on it, i just dont know when- I know my life will be taken by myself and not some sickness, not some other person but i will be the one taking my own life, im just not sure when.

 

[DeathByBananabread]

If you still have this much doubt & will to live maybe you should go to the psych ward & tell them about your plans- make sure you have a plan for someone to take care of your cat while you're gone of course.

 

[lastwordsofmine]

Yeah im hopefully gonna talk about it with my caregiver, she has said that if its needed she will happily be the one to drive me there, especially to make sure that, well i get there safely and in a good way. I might go there, idk ill message her.
Also nearly got hit by a car which made me realize how little i care for my life and how much i want to die.

 

[The Sad Jeep Kid]

So, a month ago i got a cat, and i love him very much, he seems to be happy in his new home. I rescued him from the shelter and it was meant as a thing to keep me alive.
Yet every time i try to get help i get met by barriers. I was sexually assulted several times by my own brother when i was in kindergarden and some years forward. Now im 18 and i try to get help, i try to call the helpline in my country so i can actually get this trauma worked with, but one, the waittime is 2 years, and im not sure if i will live that long. And second when i tried to call yesterday they said their phone line was closed for the day despite having written on their website that Tuesdays are open for calls to well, get your startup interview. I hate this. I just want to stop being affected this much by my traumas or just die entirely. I dont have the energy to keep on living. Im trying to keep on going but i just want to die, i wanna catch the bus. I dont want to be here anymore, life is terrible, whilst i do have friends but, i feel like i'll be easily replaced. Also my anti depressants arent working and at this point i might just go out to the train tracks and wait abit for the next train to come, hoping its full speed and hoping i die. I dont know what to do, im not sure if i can get SN in Denmark, but if i can i might also try that.
I just dont wanna leave my cat either. Life is hard and i dont think i can keep on going for much longer anymore. I've already made it to 18, i have no plans, im trying to figure out what to do with my life, if it gets better but im actively loosing hope every day. I've thought about going to the psychward, they arent allowed to not take me in as i have a clear plan as to how im gonna kill myself and i will act on it, i just dont know when- I know my life will be taken by myself and not some sickness, not some other person but i will be the one taking my own life, im just not sure when.

You need to make sure someone will be there for your cat. Find a friend or good family member who is willing to take him or her.

 

[lastwordsofmine]

You need to make sure someone will be there for your cat. Find a friend or good family member who is willing to take him or her.

i very much will if im going anywhere. this guy is my only reason to keep going atp and i will only be able to find peace if he does