I want ctb but i cant...hating life

[Defenestration]

I hate life. 90/100 constraints, 10/100 pleasure... In any other activity, you'd stop because the advantage/disadvantage balance is so lopsided...

In short, I had to stay alive to help my sick friend (2020-2022), now I have to help my mother who has Alzheimer's (2023-?), then help my father who just hurt himself...

Feeling trapped in this shitty life where you can't escape (ctb) without being cast as the ungrateful, despicable son who abandons others...

What a horror to have been born... How wonderful it would be to go to sleep and die in your sleep so it wouldn't be your fault
Hating this life

 

[Defenestration]

Nobody?

 

[Defenestration]

 

[JesiBel]

I remember commenting on another of your threads a while back. Your words resonate with me since we're in a similar situation.

Caring for sick or disabled family members is not easy; it's mentally exhausting, even more so if the illnesses are incurable or degenerative. You do everything you can to make sure they're okay, but at the same time, you feel so useless. Since nothing we do can reverse their situation, and they worsen day by day.

I understand how you feel, because your own life takes a back seat when someone needs you.

These are unfortunate situations; they didn't choose to end up like this. Life is unfair and cruel. Why do those I love have to suffer like this? They didn't deserve this. There is no answer.

It's an unequal fight; you know you're going to lose. All that's left is to do your duty in the meantime. To be by the side of someone who can no longer care for themselves and is also suffering because of it, and to hold their hand until the very last moment.

In the end, you can be at peace with yourself knowing you did what you could, as the simple human beings we are.

I want to leave this world without any regrets.

Stay strong, hugs to you.

 

[Defenestration]

Big thanks
But i did it in 2020-2022 for m'y boyfriend...
I just want to die now...

 

[wtg]

I hate life. 90/100 constraints, 10/100 pleasure... In any other activity, you'd stop because the advantage/disadvantage balance is so lopsided...

In short, I had to stay alive to help my sick friend (2020-2022), now I have to help my mother who has Alzheimer's (2023-?), then help my father who just hurt himself...

Feeling trapped in this shitty life where you can't escape (ctb) without being cast as the ungrateful, despicable son who abandons others...

What a horror to have been born... How wonderful it would be to go to sleep and die in your sleep so it wouldn't be your fault
Hating this life

There's no one stopping you from not helping them. You are not obligated to help them. Well, it is a nice gesture and morally correct to do that but yeah. It is what it is.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

At an early stage, I realized that I must not give back to my parents what they gave to me. I have to give it to my children! To care about your parents and not about your children is backward looking and threatening our existance. I don´t expect anything from my children, but helping them with their children, my grandchildren gives to my life a sense. Now, at the end of my journey through time it´s only natural for me to end my life voluntary before I become a burden for my children.

 

[Defenestration]

But i dont have children

 

[Defenestration]

Très tôt, j'ai compris que je ne devais pas rendre à mes parents ce qu'ils m'avaient donné. Je devais le donner à mes enfants ! Se soucier de ses parents et non de ses enfants, c'est faire preuve de régression et menacer notre existence. Je n'attends rien de mes enfants, mais les aider avec leurs enfants, mes petits-enfants, donne un sens à ma vie. Aujourd'hui, au terme de mon existence, il me semble naturel de mettre fin à mes jours volontairement avant de devenir un fardeau pour mes enfants.

 

[Defenestration]

My father told me I was lucky to be here. That made me happy, but with my mother having Alzheimer's, it's another obligation for me to stay... I just want to be dead.

 

[Asahina]

Maaaaan I feel this. I have at least 3 people in my family who are severely chronically ill and I feel like such an imbecile having mental breakdowns when I am not. I wish all illness could jut be deleted and not have something so BS in this already difficult-to-live-in world

 

[Defenestration]

Putain, je comprends tellement. J'ai au moins trois personnes dans ma famille qui souffrent de maladies chroniques graves et je me sens vraiment bête de faire des crises de nerfs alors que je n'en ai pas. J'aimerais tellement que toutes les maladies disparaissent et qu'on n'ait pas à supporter ce fléau dans ce monde déjà si difficile à vivre.

Very boring

 

[Daphne]

I hate life. 90/100 constraints, 10/100 pleasure... In any other activity, you'd stop because the advantage/disadvantage balance is so lopsided...

In short, I had to stay alive to help my sick friend (2020-2022), now I have to help my mother who has Alzheimer's (2023-?), then help my father who just hurt himself...

Feeling trapped in this shitty life where you can't escape (ctb) without being cast as the ungrateful, despicable son who abandons others...

What a horror to have been born... How wonderful it would be to go to sleep and die in your sleep so it wouldn't be your fault
Hating this life

I miss being useful to a loved one. Now I don't have that and it should be easier to CTB.
Of course you're not obligated to take care of anyone but you are serving a purpose in this world. That's worth something. If you're overwhelmed see about getting some assistance. Maybe you just need a reprieve.

 

[Defenestration]

Le fait de ne plus pouvoir être utile à un être cher me manque. Maintenant, ce n'est plus le cas et il devrait être plus facile de partir.
Bien sûr, vous n'êtes pas obligé de prendre soin de qui que ce soit, mais vous jouez un rôle important dans ce monde. Cela a de la valeur. Si vous vous sentez dépassé, n'hésitez pas à demander de l'aide. Vous avez peut-être simplement besoin d'un peu de répit.

Nonjust need die

 

[Defenestration]

I want to die

 

[Gabbi_Station]

I hate life. 90/100 constraints, 10/100 pleasure... In any other activity, you'd stop because the advantage/disadvantage balance is so lopsided...

In short, I had to stay alive to help my sick friend (2020-2022), now I have to help my mother who has Alzheimer's (2023-?), then help my father who just hurt himself...

Feeling trapped in this shitty life where you can't escape (ctb) without being cast as the ungrateful, despicable son who abandons others...

What a horror to have been born... How wonderful it would be to go to sleep and die in your sleep so it wouldn't be your fault
Hating this life

I get it. Today I dealt with complaints at my work about my handwriting (I can never win at this job) but I took this job in September 2025 and the pay is too good to quit… and I guess I am objectively slightly less burnt out than at my last job…

But I just feel tired. I am tired of working full time and dedicating my life to get money, so I can just throw it away to essentially pay off student loans for degrees that accomplished nothing for me. No matter how hard I work…there's always some passive aggressive comment coming from my boss and coworkers . No matter what "slack" I pick up in the office… people still treat me like a useless noob. I was totally burnt out from my last job and I just feel like I am burnt out again.

I have been trying to move out of my sisters house because I am tired of the verbal and emotional abuse from my family and want to go no contact because I know it's affecting my mental health… but even that is a hurdle because while I make more than enough for most places rent… it's not quite two to three times the requirement so I am still trapped with needing a "Guarantor"… which none of my family will do…

So I essentially just go through the motions- getting up, feeling like shit at work, and coming home to my brother in law insulting me for being unmarried or not liking to cook or insinuating that I am a loser. Or my other sister calling me about how terrible her ex husband is and how she expects everyone to drop everything to comfort her or help her with her kids, while complaining that I never do anything for her and hanging up on me if I tell her I am depressed, because she "doesn't want the kids to overhear this". Or helping my sister with her business, resenting that it's always my responsibility to fix her problems but feeling like I have to because we live together. And I do it again and again and again.

I can't even say I enjoy reading or film or art anymore … because it's now AI slop and corporate greed has ruined it. Even mindless escapism feels off the table.

Politics are depressing and feel like everything is getting worse.

I just feel like no matter how hard I try to fix things- it just gets worse. The last apartment I took to get away from my family…ended up with a creepy landlord who tried to get me to date him by holding rent over my head. I thought both of my college degrees would fix things…and they haven't.

I think everyone is just out of steam anymore. It all feels useless and pointless.