I want ctb but i cant...hating life

[Defenestration]

I hate life. 90/100 constraints, 10/100 pleasure... In any other activity, you'd stop because the advantage/disadvantage balance is so lopsided...

In short, I had to stay alive to help my sick friend (2020-2022), now I have to help my mother who has Alzheimer's (2023-?), then help my father who just hurt himself...

Feeling trapped in this shitty life where you can't escape (ctb) without being cast as the ungrateful, despicable son who abandons others...

What a horror to have been born... How wonderful it would be to go to sleep and die in your sleep so it wouldn't be your fault
Hating this life

 

[Defenestration]

Nobody?

 

[Defenestration]

 

[JesiBel]

I remember commenting on another of your threads a while back. Your words resonate with me since we're in a similar situation.

Caring for sick or disabled family members is not easy; it's mentally exhausting, even more so if the illnesses are incurable or degenerative. You do everything you can to make sure they're okay, but at the same time, you feel so useless. Since nothing we do can reverse their situation, and they worsen day by day.

I understand how you feel, because your own life takes a back seat when someone needs you.

These are unfortunate situations; they didn't choose to end up like this. Life is unfair and cruel. Why do those I love have to suffer like this? They didn't deserve this. There is no answer.

It's an unequal fight; you know you're going to lose. All that's left is to do your duty in the meantime. To be by the side of someone who can no longer care for themselves and is also suffering because of it, and to hold their hand until the very last moment.

In the end, you can be at peace with yourself knowing you did what you could, as the simple human beings we are.

I want to leave this world without any regrets.

Stay strong, hugs to you.

 

[Defenestration]

Big thanks
But i did it in 2020-2022 for m'y boyfriend...
I just want to die now...