Story I think it’s over now

[killjoyfrn]

I have been addicted to coke for some time, I went to a psych ward and it actually helped a lot. When I got out last August I tried staying sober, it lasted no more than 3 months before I started drinking again. Eventually I got to mth. I was using once a week but I never missed it when I didn't have it. I have been wanting to CTB for a long time now. I always told myself I'd only do it, once everyone started hating me. Two days ago I tried overdosing on my sleeping pills, but I stopped myself before I took enough to cause any real damage. I still had to go to the hospital but I was released the same night. While I was asleep my sister went through my stuff and found some used straws, she also looked at my medical report without my consent. I only admitted to doing coke as I had done it not long ago and it would've showed up on tests anyway. The next day, which was yesterday she told me I was a manipulator and a horrible person. My mom didn't stand up for me, my best friend isn't helping me. I am not a bad person, I never stole, I never did anything to hurt anyone on purpose, I only ever wanted to hurt myself. I was kicked out of our flat, so now I'm staying at a friend's place who's been in recovery for 10 years and is the only person who truly understands me. Through all that though, I still want to CTB. I only wish it wasn't so cold outside.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Being an addict does not make you a bad person.

 

[killjoyfrn]

Being an addict does not make you a bad person.

I know, thank you for saying that, I wish my family would understand

 

[roommate]

What an awefull response of your sister. You're the one that's suffering from this, not her.
I already think you're trying your best, I wish you the best.

 

[killjoyfrn]

What an awefull response of your sister. You're the one that's suffering from this, not her.
I already think you're trying your best, I wish you the best.

thank you so much <3

 

[easypeasy]

I have been addicted to coke for some time, I went to a psych ward and it actually helped a lot. When I got out last August I tried staying sober, it lasted no more than 3 months before I started drinking again. Eventually I got to mth. I was using once a week but I never missed it when I didn't have it. I have been wanting to CTB for a long time now. I always told myself I'd only do it, once everyone started hating me. Two days ago I tried overdosing on my sleeping pills, but I stopped myself before I took enough to cause any real damage. I still had to go to the hospital but I was released the same night. While I was asleep my sister went through my stuff and found some used straws, she also looked at my medical report without my consent. I only admitted to doing coke as I had done it not long ago and it would've showed up on tests anyway. The next day, which was yesterday she told me I was a manipulator and a horrible person. My mom didn't stand up for me, my best friend isn't helping me. I am not a bad person, I never stole, I never did anything to hurt anyone on purpose, I only ever wanted to hurt myself. I was kicked out of our flat, so now I'm staying at a friend's place who's been in recovery for 10 years and is the only person who truly understands me. Through all that though, I still want to CTB. I only wish it wasn't so cold outside.

I experienced family not standing up for me. What was said was disgusting. And it's unbearable. I have chronic pain so it's not my fault but I wanted to tell you that I know it hurts when people don't care for you and have your back and try and help you.

 

[killjoyfrn]

I experienced family not standing up for me. What was said was disgusting. And it's unbearable. I have chronic pain so it's not my fault but I wanted to tell you that I know it hurts when people don't care for you and have your back and try and help you.

thank you, i'm sorry you had to experience that as well. it's so horrible when all you want is someone to understand and see you, but everybody refuses to learn and be better. i have asked my family again and again to read up on bpd, yet they never took the time to do any research, they just defaulted to blaming me for everything.

 

[easypeasy]

thank you, i'm sorry you had to experience that as well. it's so horrible when all you want is someone to understand and see you, but everybody refuses to learn and be better. i have asked my family again and again to read up on bpd, yet they never took the time to do any research, they just defaulted to blaming me for everything.

I experienced that, too. I asked them to read about ptsd after I was assaulted. Not a word. Met with silence. That was a long time ago now and not why I'm on this site, now……but that feeling stuck with me. I didn't give up and I fought for my self and my life and got better without them. You have to be very tough and very brave, that's for sure.

 

[killjoyfrn]

I experienced that, too. I asked them to read about ptsd after I was assaulted. Not a word. Met with silence. That was a long time ago now and not why I'm on this site, now……but that feeling stuck with me. I didn't give up and I fought for my self and my life and got better without them. You have to be very tough and very brave, that's for sure

thank you, i'll try to get through this as best as i can