I know what you mean, appearance is a huge factor in perception. But if it helps, you said you are pursuing what you love with your all, and that was always my most precious wish, yet I never had the means to. I'm about the same age as you now. So you have some good things others wish for.
I'm fat as well today. Hideously so. Have been for most of my adult life, so I can relate to what it feels like. Over a year ago I got into great shape strength wise, impressing myself even, but then health problems arose and I physically couldn't work out anymore, lost a tremendous amount of Sisyphean effort in a short time, and now I'm back to being as fat as ever but with more constant chronic pain every minute. I'd say that it's depressing, but I don't seem to care about anything anymore.
For what it's worth I genuinely don't care that much about the appearance of a girl, it all depends on the person and how we interact. Don't mind a lot of personality flaws either, I'm far from even average myself. So people that aren't influenced that much by physical appearance definitely exist, it's just hard to find us. Maybe you will. But maybe you won't.
I relate so much to this. I've lost 100lbs twice in my life and gained it back twice. The first time I was like 18/19, I just crash dieted extremely hard, lost a ton of weight. But gained it back.. then I lost it again when I was like 27 or so.. I dieted hard again, I also ran 4 half-marathons and 2 full marathons. Then I got a running injury that sidelined me, and my binge eating came back.. everything backslid. I gained all the weight back.
Because I've struggled with weight my whole life I tend to look inside others and appreciate them for their personality, their intelligence and their inner beauty.. because I know what it's like to be judged and dismissed just for your appearance. But so much of the world does exactly that, everyone is so cruel..
I love bigger men, personally. I prefer them actually. I would love for a fat man to fall for me and for me to fall for him.. but alas.. it feels impossible..
Without a question there are guys out there looking to be loved just like you are looking. However you will not find them in a bar or in your home. Try church, community programs and similar.
I'm not sure where I said I was looking for them in a bar? I don't go to bars.. I don't even drink. I'm also not religious so I have 0 interest in going to a church group.
The implication from some comments that I'm looking for a guy in a bar, or I'm looking for a "hot" guy or a rich guy are really hurtful to me.. the condescension is hurtful.
I don't give a fuck about what a guy looks like, I prefer big men but in the past I've dated all kinds. I've been single for like 8-10 years now or something though.. I've never dated rich and idgaf about $$. I just want an honest connection with somebody with the same values as me, same intelligence level so we can hold a conversation, chemistry, etc. These are the things that are important to me and anyone insinuating otherwise is projecting and doesn't know me.
I do sometimes go to singles event run by a local singles organization near me.. I just haven't had luck yet.
It's frustrating to get the same "advice" repeated over and over about how to meet someone. "Go here" "no go here" "stop going here" "go to bars" "don't go to bars" "try the apps" blah blah.. honestly it's a little condescending and even more discouraging. The idea that you just randomly meet your soulmate somewhere by running into them isn't realistic. And if you've been on dating apps lately you know they're just full of people looking for casual sex.
Women have changed more than men, from what I can tell.
Sure, some men are opening up more and being more vulnerable, but I don't know how much that is moving the needle.
Women, though... seem to still be using their old criteria like money and status but that has shifted since many women now have their own money and status so they "must" seek men with even more money/status than they would have in the past. Meanwhile, women seem to have also adopted more make criteria. In the past women cared less about a man's looks... but now they seem to care more. It was always shallow when men chose only on looks, and now women do the same thing... and that's hard to overcome suddenly without leaving a lot of men behind.
I get women being oppressed and held back for generations, in the US and in most of the world... I get there is some bounce-back when they get more freedom and not only want to exercise that but want to push the boundaries. Like, the famous interview with Justice Ginsberg who, when asked how many women she thought should be on the Supreme Court, she said nine. She continued that nobody thought it was weird to have all men, so why not have all women? And I get her sentiment... and IF all the best people at the time for the positions were women, I have ZERO problem with it. But... we had generations of putting unqualified or bad men in positions just because they were men even if there was a better female candidate... I would hate to see us swing the pendulum the other way and put an unqualified woman in place just to "stick it to the man." I hoped the quest for equality would be just that... equality. Lift women up and knock men down a peg. But there are a lot of people who seem to just want to turn things upside down as if that's any better.
Just like a LOT of good women have been historically overlooked and oppressed... I fear we could be headed towards a period of time where good men are overlooked and oppressed just to "make up" for things. I'm all for women having equal rights and equal power and being/doing anything they want in this world. I just wish that so many wouldn't be trying to turn the tables and be like the bad men of old. Also, this tends to make those men who still want to fuck over women even more determined to do so... because they are scared, and so the bad men are going to be worse men now, trying to "break" that "uppity" woman.
In a "perfect" world, we would still like people who don't like us... and it would still be difficult to make connections. But our society tends to make "difficult" into "nearly impossible" and "attainable" into "difficult" and everything is just a whole lot harder and more painful and discouraging than it really should be for us to find people and make connections.
Think when you are an innocent child, not yet scarred and corrupted by society... you could just walk up to another kid you see randomly and say "wanna play with me" or "wanna be friends" and they would. If you had fun you wanted to do it again, if you didn't then you were okay and asked someone else the next day. But ten years of being in the world after that, and exposure and understanding of how society seems to work... and young kids begin to form cliques and decide which kids are "better" than others and which kids "need" to be picked on and excluded... It starts when we are young, because we see how adults treat each other... and we mimic... and we see which adults seem to be in charge, and we mimic them more... and it goes on and on and on.
This is not happening.. can you provide any data about how women are "sticking it" to the man? Can you provide any overwhelming statistics that prove women are, across industries, getting more jobs than men? Can you provide any data that proves women are equal or outnumber men in high level political or corporate positions?
Can you prove how women are choosing their partners? You can't because there are too many factors there to prove anything about how women are choosing who to date or marry. Same with men.
Globally women and girls are not yet equal to men at all. Women and girls are still murdered in huge numbers by their husbands, fathers or boyfriends. Women and girls are still barred from education and the workforce in many areas of the world. Women are still experiencing domestic violence and sexual assault in overwhelming numbers. Girls are trafficked, become sex slaves or sold into sex slavery at young ages, or become child brides in many areas of the world, and it's perfectly legal or no one does anything about it.
I don't know how anyone can look at the state of girls and women globally and claim that we're anywhere near "equal" to men in status or power. Even in established first world countries men are the top earners and holding the positions of power in most countries.
I'm frustrated and hurt that this thread has turned into this topic.. i literally said i want to kill myself because im lonely.. and now its becoming.. whatever the fuck this is.. fuck me im even more depressed now..
