I think I replaced my SH addiction with a SaSu addiction

[sinnrr-sistrr]

I don't wanna go through my whole backstory, but basically I joined SaSu while looking for a SH-specific forum.

SaSu has helped me manage my urges so far, but I can't help but feel it has also pulled me down from only having SH urges to becoming badly suicidal again.

I've started dissociating a lot more, and finding that SaSu is the only place that helps me ground myself, maybe because I'm somewhat comfortable in my misery? I don't know...

My gf told me she's noticed that change in me, that I smile less, that I've lost that drive I used to have when we started dating. She promised me that she'd stay by my side until the end.

Yesterday she told me that she's accepted the possibility that our relationship might end with my suicide, but that the moments she gets to spend with me are worth any pain for her. This shocked me a bit, and I still don't know how to feel about it.

I don't know if that downwards drag stems from my activity on SaSu, or if it's the other way around, but what I know for sure is that I find myself unable to not go on SaSu for a while.

I think I need to leave this place, lest I end up leaving this life.

 

[Imausername]

I did the same I was doing sh and being in mh groups online made me an easy target to get pulled down the rabbit hole into worse things becoming normal. I didn't really care they used me bc it was a sense of belonging to something the praise validation. Till it all came crashing.
You probably need to find a healthy community to belong to or another way to replace your sh with. Ss is a good replacement and a good way to find others to relate to but u can go down a rabbit hole of getting worse.
There's two ways to use ss. For recovery to find people you relate to and help each other. Or to ctb because for some of us there's worse things than death. It's how u choose to recover on ss.

 

[inconclusivesorbet]

Im on this site all day every day ruminating instead of cutting and then I stalk former friends online and ruminate so much haha I absolutely hate myself and this site is leading me towards my end as a march. I dont have that glimmer or spark or confidence. There's someone that loves you. Stay for them