Paranoid about my psychologist sending me to the hospital

[dragonofenvy]

On one hand, I do want to try to express how badly I'm feeling. On the other hand, when I talked about self-harm a few weeks ago she said the two magic words of "medical intervention" if I did self-harm. So I don't know how to tackle the topic of barely even being able to make it through a week, and not wanting to or wishing I didn't with her, because when I said so last time she was immediately on guard. I'm hoping she can try to help me cope with everything, but I don't want that to involved hospitalization. I was partially hospitalized once and it ruined my life in many ways so I don't want to repeat that but worse since I'll end up losing my job on top of all the bills for it.

I should be honest, but I don't think I can be fully honest. I've had different plans going through my head, but I don't think any of them will work. I don't think Type 4 suicidality is enough to put you in the hospital, but I'm not sure. Realistically, what can she even do to help these thoughts? Tell me to take a walk? The "healthy" coping mechanisms don't work as well as my unhealthy ones which is why I do them in the first place.

Any advice is appreciated.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I don't know what country you live in. But in most places you can't be forcibly hospitalised unless you talk about suicide ideation or plans to end your life.

 

[a-lien]

i don't what it's in other countrys... but I talk openly about, and only when they are like: will we see us again, and the answer is no (because dead) then they would call instantly someone to bring me there (I never did this xD) ... When I not sure about a specific date, and won't say this, they don't do anything.. only when I would say I will do it .. in 2 days, today.. in 2 weeks...sometimes they also ask like" can you promise me, we will see us again?"
And when I was younger, it was more common to make it with handshake or They wrote it down, and you need to write your name, to promise this lol. Never had this anymore, now I'M older.

When I would say I don't can look longer in the future then 2 weaks, then some maaaaybe would offer an appointment, before this... to speak again about this, before the 2 weeks are over.(only when it's a good person, some of them have no time anyway..)

sooo.. all other things is ok.. I talk very open to them,
.. but in genereal they know, how serious it is and don't do anything :D My next appointment is in 4 month (LOL) and my other doctor won't see me again (no appointment) though she was 2 month ago like: I want to see you soon again, because of this..

I can say: I tested this, when I was younger.. how far could I go, what can I say, and what not ..
some of the doctors say this anyway.. when they ask you something. and I would say "nothign", and wait first.. then sometimes they are like: otherwise I need to make a call and send you to hospital.. so this is why I know, when they would send me to hospital, or not..
so I'm pretty sure, it's ok to be open, only in this cases I said.. atleast here

I'm often like: waiting first, saying nothing ;) sometimes it's like.. "I wait too long, now it's so suspicious , damn.."..there are some questions, where I need to not wait tooooo long.. because they won't believe me anymore, when I would answer NO, but answer after 2 minutes LOL

And I know, I can get out easily, when I don't want to be there ;) (because I made a mistake once..atleast it was for something good, that I know, that it's easy for me to get out soon. )
but maybe I should mention, I don't talk much on my own.. i they asking questions..and answer them, and I wait what they say..
don't know what It's for you, if you talk open without question..

 

[Hystearical]

I think you should be very judicious about what you share.

At the end of the day mental health professionals center patent safety in themselves and liability avoidance will be their #1 priority ultimately.

I didn't even mention suicide explicitly to one therapist, just a general sense of drowning, and suddenly he shoves a suicide assessment in my face and starts selling someone who identified herself as a doctor (obviously a hospital psychiatrist).

That wariness, that discomfort you accurately sensed when you brought up the topic, that was first and foremost her internally calculating what the risk to her was, what kind of danger her livelihood was in.

But I think you could have a meta discussion about both your reservations and hers about discussing the topic. Your fears and worries. How much you don't want to be hospitalized. Of course that won't matter to her at all if she deems it necessary and you know where the hard and fast line is but there's a lot of ambiguity and that's what you need to discuss.

In the end like you I think there's a limit to what you can discuss with them about these feelings. Even if they had something to offer, which is generally questionable, it freaks them out way too much and having that fear of coercive measures and having your being be overridden like that loom over your head while in session with them just is not conducive to anything.

When it comes to suicide, is there really any danger of you acting in a way that wouldn't be in your best interest? Like would you ever make an attempt if you truly in your heart of hearts knew it was the right course of action? You can decide that but I'm not sure that you would and if you wouldn't there's no need to relinquish managing your "safety" over to someone else.

As far self-harm, well there are self-guided resources out there you could check out.