I think a loving relationship would bring me back from the brink

[randy]

Loneliness and relentless regret and rumination about screwing up a past relationship are a good chunk of my torment.

I'm way too depressed to attract a woman currently. Catch-22.

How about you? Does a lack of a loving relationship factor in much to your desire to ctb?

 

[TakeMeBack07]

unfortunately, i've never experienced a romantic connection, sex or anything else with a woman. my only consistent female presence in my life has been my mother. i can only assume that there is something about me, my identity, or whatever, that is repulsive, or it is me entirely. i do not know
i would like to experience a relationship before death but i don't have hopes in it

 

[Krieger]

Way I see it for people who think a loving relationship will make them feel better; in all probability, your relationship will eventually end. Especially if it's your first relationship. Now, it may be a few months or a few years till it ends but when it does you'll probably feel worse than you did before you had a relationship. You may get lucky though and get a relationship that never ends, who knows. Just my thoughts.

 

[DaatiSimi]

If I could have another chance with the one I love, I'd hold tightly to him and love him with all my soul and all my being

 

[AerialBoundaries]

It's definitely a factor, but I'm certain that I'd still be the same, even if I were in a relationship, only I'd potentially be dragging somebody else down with me. My relationships in the past were always very short lived and I always felt worse afterwards. I don't pursue relationships any more.

 

[rifle]

it's always nice to daydream abt, but if someone loved me the way I wish to be loved I would honestly question their sanity. like, I've met myself, y'know.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I used to feel like this. I still- to some extent have some delluded fairytale idea of love. I also think I had the potential to feel so much. Still- the reality of it all is different. I've only really be in limerance (obsessive crushes.) I think the potential of having a bad relationship- or, an amazing one that ends in heartbreak would have ended up being far worse for me.

I'm not really of the opinion someone else can 'save' me. I think it would put too much pressure on them. It's actually made me far calmer in myself to acknowledge that I'm probably better off alone.

 

[Kurushii]

I've had exes before and always felt depressed after the breakup. Having a partner full of love and then having that love be taken away is cruel and saddening but it happens. Maybe other people recover easier, or maybe I'm just weak. Before a relationship I just felt regular emotions. After it would end I felt hollow and numb. During the relationship I felt some happiness, but overall still wanted to ctb so it certainly wasn't enough to ""fix"" me.

I imagine if someone already has (mostly) everything sorted out and having a partner was something they were missing in their life, then getting in a relationship may work out well for them. But otherwise, a relationship is not enough to solve all of someone's problems, but a loving partner would still get someone far.

 

[Forest Fire]

Had one relationship for 5 years and i fucked it up. Had two dreams about her last night and it's coming up to eleven years since she left me. Funny thing is i can just about deal with all the horrific/traumatic events that have happened in my life but watching her go from loving me to never wanting to see me again is something i don't think i will ever be able to handle

 

[Ultracheese]

I was never really too bothered about having a relationship until I fell madly in love with someone and now he's all I ever think about. I like to think being with him would make things better but in reality, if it were to fail, it would probably make me feel worse.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

That would be wonderful…just try not to rely on one person for your sole purpose of happiness - if the rug is eventually pulled from underneath your feet, you'll feel worse than ever before.

People can be unreliable - even the most trustworthy of people can pull the wool over your eyes.

Not to fill you with no hope though because fairly good people do exist - just be careful.

 

[Inferno]

I think it would but my chances of finding a girlfriend are basically non existent, I'm incompatible with women and too ugly for anyone to find me attractive enough to love.

 

[Rainy_days]

Yes, marriage and starting a family were always things I envisioned for a fulfilling life. Although I have learned that those are not the be-all-end-all of life, it is still something that pains me. In my current state though I can't see myself not making any potential partner absolutely miserable.

 

[Regen]

A good relationship cant heal my mental illness. But yes, I am sure it could save my life and it could give me hope and joy. The risk of this kind of Help is, that you lay your whole emotional life on the shoulder of one person. That is often too much for the relationship. But yes, I really wish from the bottom of my Heart I could have a good relationship too. And I am sure I would be a good partner. But my anxiety and my emotional problems are a big wall.

 

[Uk2023]

Loneliness and relentless regret and rumination about screwing up a past relationship are a good chunk of my torment.

I'm way too depressed to attract a woman currently. Catch-22.

How about you? Does a lack of a loving relationship factor in much to your desire to ctb?

Yes.

I attracted someone last year. It was the month I came off antidepressant's.

Unfortunately it was not loving.

He was insecure and after 2 months it became emotionally abusive.

I had been single for 5 years so didn't recognise it as unhealthy. After 2 months I was in shock to be with someone and began to grieve almost, he took it to mean I was unhappy with him or seeing someone else.

It took being with him to realise how depressed I had been… I loved to cuddle but because I was bonding that way and not sexual he accused me of getting that from somewhere else.

I don't actually believe a loving relationship exists.

If I could have anything right now it would be a man who was happy for me to visit him and vice versa.

Non sexual

Just to talk, cook eat, cuddle. Really basic human contact

 

[BBBB]

Loneliness and relentless regret and rumination about screwing up a past relationship are a good chunk of my torment.

I'm way too depressed to attract a woman currently. Catch-22.

How about you? Does a lack of a loving relationship factor in much to your desire to ctb?

YES!!! I'm all alone; no family, no friends. A loving relationship would help me so much but it's never going to happen. The one I loved left me. SO LONELY!!

I had so much hope and wanted to fight through my issues when I had someone who cared, someone on my side but it's over now and I just want to be gone.

Failed attempt 2 nights ago. Feel like such a failure!

 

[karel1987]

No I don't think so. I just remember a sentence out of "surviving the cut army rangers school" when a soldier was in a climbing rope and fell. The instructure said no one is gonna help you now ranger your on your own! And that is how it is no one is gonna take away your anxiety or depression and in the end the gonna left you

 

[Unending]

Way I see it for people who think a loving relationship will make them feel better; in all probability, your relationship will eventually end. Especially if it's your first relationship. Now, it may be a few months or a few years till it ends but when it does you'll probably feel worse than you did before you had a relationship. You may get lucky though and get a relationship that never ends, who knows. Just my thoughts.

This is similar to my logic. Being in relationships has always temporarily made me feel a lot better but after a few months, the honeymoon phase will end completely and real life comes back into the picture. Every breakup I've ever had has left me in a much worse place than I was before the relationship and of course I had to endure that pain until it returned to my baseline.

I think that for some, love is very meaningful, but at this point, I equate it to something similar to getting high off of another human. I see more value in being single these days as it reduces overall suffering for me, not to say that the reduction is enough to deem my emotional state acceptable, but it's better than experiencing the end pain.

 

[NotHuman]

The closest I've ever had to a happy memory in my life is playing an online game with my best friend over a decade ago. Sadly, I've reached an age at which friendship and even family are meaningless because everyone's fully committed to their romantic relationships. I just don't want to be alone, but I've learned that the only way to establish a bond of any merit at this stage is through a loving relationship.

While I can appreciate that the experience of love turned hollow is its own hell, I can't help but feel that even something short-term absolutely would give me a reason to care about living. For one, a honeymoon phase would be a welcome fork in the road from my colorless existence giving me memories of some substance to look back on rather than one endless stream of misery and monotony.

And two, the knowledge that it's realistically possible for someone to ever feel that way about me, the clear evidence of their investment and their sacrifice to try to make things work because they at least initially perceived me as someone of value, I think would give me a foundation for hope and offer some motivation to improve myself and keep trying social avenues to reproduce the experience going forward.