Venting I know this is messed up but..do you feel the same way?

[tooafraidtodiez]

I felt jealous of people who pass away from natural causes sometimes. Like if i can just passed away from a heart attack or something i'd take it. I have disablity and have to deal with physical pain almost everyday. I wish i have the knowledge and privacy to do hanging but i don't. So the only option i have left is SN. Ensuring the whole cup is drinked won't be easy and i don't know what will happen after how much pain i'll get. Why do people that wants to live can die from natural causes, but us who are in pain have it so difficult. Just wishing i can perish soon. Damn it why is SN so difficult............

 

[Cepheuss]

Its okay to feel this way, suicide isnt easy you have to be brave and you're forced to endure so much pain and the truth is some people will judge you or be mad at you if you fail or succeed whereas with natural causes that isnt a concern.

 

[iwkmsssb]

it's very common to feel envious, i wish i could be taken instead of me doing it myself. it's so much work.

 

[bananaolympus]

I don't envy heart attacks they are usually painful i envy OD by opioids, i had a medical cocktail after my ctb attempt imagine waking up having your legs fucked face swollen after jaw surgery, my left arm nerves were damaged couldn't move my arm for 2 months and still no fucks given cuz i was high af a lot of hallucinations yes but felt i was dreaming if i were to die with that feeling that i still remember many years later i would feel blessed

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Yeah, I feel the same way. No, I don't think it's messed up. About that cup of SN though, you're right, it won't be easy to drink, BUT… it's not going to be a whole cup. If you're not going to take the SN according to your weight & you're just going with the standard 25g, that gets dissolved into 50ml of water, which is only about a fourth of a cup. It's very important to measure it carefully (in ml) and not use any more water than what's recommended.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I envy so much too, I envy the dead and the natural way people die. I wish I could just stop my heart anytime I wanted or I wish everyone can die anytime they wanted it would so gold like no painless only falling into eternal sleep...we can only wish.....

 

[hurts2b]

I often think getting hit by a car might not be such a bad thing. I get it.

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

Yes, mate. All the time. It may be fucked, but often I'll daydream a shooting would occur. I'd rush out, find the guy and beg him to shoot me in the head. Before I'd let him though, I'd tell him not to kill anyone else. I'm suicidal, not a monster.

 

[ConstantPain]

I'm actually pissed that I haven't died from natural causes yet. From the age of 35 I had doctor's telling me that if I continued to smoke and use hormonal birth control I'd get a blood clot and/or have a stroke. I'm 49 now, smoke more than ever and still take birth control. Plus I get ocular migraines which is supposed to increase the likelihood of having a stroke. My blood pressure is high, my diet is unhealthy and I hardly do anything active. Essentially, I sit here hoping every day that something will kill me. I don't have health insurance so there's no way I will ever seek treatment.

It is cruel that so many happy people who want to live, especially children, end up dying. Meanwhile, that's all I dream for.