Venting I just wish somebody would kill me already

[tooBadTooLate]

I spent last night getting drunk in my room and crying to myself and screaming about how everyone sucks and I should just die. It's really pathetic, I know. I remember I had about three shots worth of vodka at the time. I also recall crying myself to sleep, repeating how I don't want any help with my problems over and over.

One of these days, if my depressive episodes come up again, I think I might as well try to end up in a hospital, at least. I'm fine with drinking myself to death, or at least giving out painlessly. I know, opiates are a much better option than that, but I do not want to end up a zombie hooked up on smack if things don't go right.

Thank you for reading. I have nothing else better to do right now.

 

[whywere]

I am on Hydromorphone for 24/7 chronic pain and I track and do everything 100% like my pain clinic asks to stay on the program.

Yes, I agree, as from back in the 1970's till now, I have seen way too many folks who "thought" that they could use street opiates and have no problem. WRONG, as I can still remember driving around at midnight looking for a friend who was 100% strung out and finding him in the middle of the street, this was mid-summer, glassy eyed, sweating and 100% out of it and babysitting him till the drugs wore off and he came around.

If I could handle it, I would NOT be on drugs, however without and the constant pain and massive depression, I would try the 3rd time at ctb.

Walter

 

[disgustedbyhumanity]

this is so real. i can't deal with life anymore. you aren't pathetic, life is a punishment and the minority of winners don't want to admit that its rigged, unfair and a punishment to the majority.

 

[tooBadTooLate]

you aren't pathetic, life is a punishment and the minority of winners don't want to admit that its rigged, unfair and a punishment to the majority.

Personally, I don't think life is a punishment, but rather a burden brought upon me. I'm sick of being pushed around by all the authority figures in my life and being learning nothing worthwhile from it. It is rigged from another perspective, that I agree with you; the functions of many governments worldwide are rooted in discrimination, among other examples.

Maybe I am pathetic, maybe I am not, but regardless I have done nothing with my life and nothing to my name. I'll be more than happy to throw it away just for a peace of mind.