Venting I just want to escape the matrix

[Oiled Sandwich]

It makes no sense. I did not ask to be here, nor did I ask for this.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life working jobs I hate. It's taken years to finally admit that work makes me suicidal. They always say "Fake it till you make it", but that didn't work for me. I used to be a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" sort of person, but it was just a poor attempt at brainwashing myself into accepting the system. I finally see why so many people are on various narcotics and various other drugs while at work. If what you actually enjoy doesn't generate wealth, you're forced to work jobs that you hate/barely tolerate. Money dictates everything in the system, and if you don't enjoy gaining money for money's sake, you'll suffer. And I especially hate the repeated thought of "just find another job." Job hopping doesn't look good on your resume, and the barriers to entering another field of work are insane. Who in their right mind wants to spend 4 years working on a degree, only to find out they hate what they worked for years to gain entry level access to. Every job I have ever worked has caused me to have a mental breakdown. Every. Single. One.

I don't want to be part of the system anymore. I just want to be free from this burning house, but the problem is everyone else thinks everything is fine, and will try everything in the book to keep me here, slowly burning for years. No, I don't want to live out of spite. No, I don't want to be strong anymore. No, I don't care if my passing makes other's sad. They always say ctb is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, well, let's see how they deal with the temporary problem of suffering from when I ctb. They can take their own advice and fuck off. I swear to myself that I'll find a way out of here one way or another.