Venting i just want to die painlessly

[rowfish]

life isn't very overwhelming now but im anxious about my future. i cant see myself existing in the future and i cant bring myself to buck up on my studies because it's all so tiring . i just want to do what i want until i ctb.
and im also so anxious about my future method(s), i tried ODing on antidepressants and got sent to the hospital and psych ward because of it . i also tried to hang myself but the chair slipped before i was ready so i fell and SI kicked in. im so frustrated with all of this... all methods are either too slow, too painful or too difficult to obtain and I'm at a loss. my current choice of method in the future is hanging but im afraid of SI and potentially getting caught with injuries and being sent to the hospital again. dont even get me started on how bad i feel for my friends and family because they'll experience so much pain. i just wish they'd forget about me. i hate worrying people but im also selfish in a way where i want to take my own life.

im just want to say sorry to everyone who has met me or seen me

 

[slowlydying2mrrw]

Sometimes I wonder what alcohol ODing would be like. I almost died at age 16 from consuming a whole bottle of everclear. Was unconscious for days, lying on the floor, lying in vomit with no medical attention. It was.... Peaceful at times during when my eyes were cold.

I was stuck on the floor because I think I had a really bad fever too and it felt like I was going to die from it. When I think of painless ctb, I'm reminded by my experience.

I saw my ex go through something similar but we got them medical treatment. I can't say they didn't look peaceful and in no pain while blacked out.

 

[Gangrel]

I'm sorry you're going through that, yes it is a painful and honestly hateful process, it seems there isn't a peaceful good way to go like N or assisted suicide. We have to shut ourselfs down by force which is so fucking scary and painful. For what's worth SN is mostly painless, still with a lot of disconfort though that's why there's a regime but it can be overwhelming...a lot.