I just feel so empty and tired.

[Potato_1]

Ever since my life had gotten better, I don't feel any sort of emotions to truly make me alive. It's been 4 years since my OCD manifested on its own, and after making my life hell for 3 years without any medication or help. It suddenly stopped. I don't experience the same symptoms I used to experience back then, and that has aided me to at least regain a quarter of who I was before this all happened. I know that I should be grateful for my recovery but after always feeling miserable for so long, emotions like happiness and excitement doesn't feel as intense or fulfilling as it was. I feel incomplete like there's a deep lacuna in me that can only be filled with pain and sadness. Sometimes I purposely seek out those negative feelings to break out of the numbness. I don't know what to do with my life anymore, I'm not suicidal like I was back then but god oh god I wish I was. I want to want to die again, life has no purpose we're all just going to die anyway. Nobody understands me, my teacher who I thought believed me thought I just want attention. I don't have anyone to talk to, I can't even cry anymore I just laugh and smile everytime something bad happens. I'm sorry for being such a failure. I dont even know how to tag this as venting.

 

[Neowise]

I dont even know how to tag this as venting.

You can select a tag right when you create your thread / select a title.

I feel sorry that you have to struggle this much. My past weeks haven't been much better either. I'm constantly tired and feel no pleasure doing whatsoever. This sucks.