Help I have one more month but can't decide on a method

[lostmywhimsy]

My birthday is in a month and I still can't decide which method I'm gonna follow to ctb. I can't go out because my parents are very strict. But I'll somehow find a way to go out to kill myself.

I want to buy SN but I don't think its easily available where I live.

The methods I have now are jumping, drowning, using visine, and getting hit by a train.

Train is the easy way out for now because finding a 11 story building is hard or I have to find a hotel.

I have been doing research for other methods too but they are either impossible for me to try.

I'm panicking for the last two days. What if I can't kill myself?

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace, it's just so cruel to me how there isn't the option to just peacefully cease existing and never suffer again, I always suffer so much from how peaceful death is made inaccessible.

 

[houseofleaves]

I'd choose the train, but setting a strict deadline could be detrimental in your situation. A month is a very short time, it might be impossible to make a decision that fast.

 

[FrustratedMTFtrans]

My birthday is in a month and I still can't decide which method I'm gonna follow to ctb. I can't go out because my parents are very strict. But I'll somehow find a way to go out to kill myself.

I want to buy SN but I don't think its easily available where I live.

The methods I have now are jumping, drowning, using visine, and getting hit by a train.

Train is the easy way out for now because finding a 11 story building is hard or I have to find a hotel.

I have been doing research for other methods too but they are either impossible for me to try.

I'm panicking for the last two days. What if I can't kill myself?

Jumping (if sufficiently high) and getting hit by a train are instantaneous, but stressful for those seeing it, fatal if you happen to fall onto someone.

Drowning in deep water is effective if weighed down to prevent survival efforts and being found, and no one gets distressed about seeing the body.

In terms of doing CTB as a deathbed solution at home, Visine eye drops or certain suitable prescription drugs can do the job at home if you have a suitable prescription and get the dose right, and boost effects with alcohol, but those who find you may find it stressful. Other die-at-home options could in theory include non-prescription painkiller drugs, but they have been critizised for required fatal effects on liver and kidnies being delayed by days or weeks. I'm not sure as to whether it can be attractive if it can be made effective within a day with a really high overdose supported by alcohol.

I am quite attracted for my CTB in extracting 10 or so morello cherry seeds from cracked stones and well chewing them to release Amygdalin for cyanide development by saliva enzymes. Red and black cherries need much more to be taken. Apricot kernels are well known as being quite effective, if not quite so effective as morello cherry kernels however.

I think you can and will do it one way or another and can stop panicking when you've finally decided how to CTB on your birthday.