I have been planning to go this week for few weeks in a row

[actual_fox]

I know this is a bit funny, but I cannot bring myself to It. I keep making baby steps. Today I will throw more things I don't want family to find.

I heard It is a defense mechanism- our minds cut off our dopamine-motivation circuits, so we cannot progress with plans to kill the said brain. It is battle of will and instinct. It is much safer to make the person super tired and fatigued because It makes him/her less likely to ctb.

It has been hard week, I am tired, so much to do and learn but I cannot bring myself to do It either, I am tired of this bs. I have problems with managing my house and myself. I feel like I gaslight myself because I can have very hard times and then later feel good and forget about bad times.

I also cannot feel much, like emotions are not there. Including love. I am not even sad anymore. Thanks for reading, I tried to make It short.

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

I feel the same way. I'm tired and ready to die. But the discomfort of hanging stops me every time. And the fact that I am almost never alone doesn't help

 

[actual_fox]

I feel the same way. I'm tired and ready to die. But the discomfort of hanging stops me every time. And the fact that I am almost never alone doesn't help

What makes you tired? -stupid question I know. Might be many things...
Well I am alone majority of the time. I was living with family but they have left and now I am alone.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide isn't always straightforward after all, at least in my case it's certainly difficult as I don't have access to a peaceful and reliable method. But I do get that it can be tiring feeling trapped in this life, I hope that you find what you wish for.

 

[actual_fox]

Suicide isn't always straightforward after all, at least in my case it's certainly difficult as I don't have access to a peaceful and reliable method. But I do get that it can be tiring feeling trapped in this life, I hope that you find what you wish for.

Oohh Funeral, Can I give you internet hug?

 

[Little T]

I know this is a bit funny, but I cannot bring myself to It. I keep making baby steps. Today I will throw more things I don't want family to find.

I heard It is a defense mechanism- our minds cut off our dopamine-motivation circuits, so we cannot progress with plans to kill the said brain. It is battle of will and instinct. It is much safer to make the person super tired and fatigued because It makes him/her less likely to ctb.

It has been hard week, I am tired, so much to do and learn but I cannot bring myself to do It either, I am tired of this bs. I have problems with managing my house and myself. I feel like I gaslight myself because I can have very hard times and then later feel good and forget about bad times.

I also cannot feel much, like emotions are not there. Including love. I am not even sad anymore. Thanks for reading, I tried to make It short.

Thank you for your post. I am struggling through much of the same. I'm so tired all of the time but I must be honest, I drink a lot.
I feel bad about leaving so much junk behind for my trustees to have to clear out of the house, garage and shed. But after I read your post, I walked my dog and realized they have much to gain financially after the sale of everything and I'm even leaving enough cash to keep up house payments & utility payments until cleared out and sold; at least I won't be a financial burden.
What I'm dragging my feet on is instructions and good bye notes. I need to stop worrying about cleaning and get on with it.
Pills & AE are ready to go and enough alcohol.

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

What makes you tired? -stupid question I know. Might be many things...
Well I am alone majority of the time. I was living with family but they have left and now I am alone.

I don't see the sense in continuing to put effort into a pointless existence. And I am in school and I can't find the energy to do anything, to enjoy anything, to even connect with people seems like an effort. I mean if I fail my exams, I know it's my fault but I won't berate myself. I will know why I would have failed. But my family will be heartbroken.
I'm tired of dreading the future, dreading life and dreading the pain I will cause when I take my life.

I'm selfish. I know but I just hate living.
I don't even know if you will understand this cause it's barely coherent to me even.

 

[actual_fox]

I don't see the sense in continuing to put effort into a pointless existence. And I am in school and I can't find the energy to do anything, to enjoy anything, to even connect with people seems like an effort. I mean if I fail my exams, I know it's my fault but I won't berate myself. I will know why I would have failed. But my family will be heartbroken.
I'm tired of dreading the future, dreading life and dreading the pain I will cause when I take my life.

I'm selfish. I know but I just hate living.
I don't even know if you will understand this cause it's barely coherent to me even.

I kinda know what you mean. I hate having to constantly stress about exams. It is not main reason for why I think about ctb, but It does not help me.

 

[BipolarExpress]

@Little T I feel similarly about getting instructions and notes in order. I keep thinking there's more I need to leave behind, and I also keep pushing back the date because I think I hae unfinished business. And yet I hate every minute of my existence and want to end it.

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

I kinda know what you mean. I hate having to constantly stress about exams. It is not main reason for why I think about ctb, but It does not help me.

Yeah

 

[makethepainstop]

I know this is a bit funny, but I cannot bring myself to It. I keep making baby steps. Today I will throw more things I don't want family to find.

I heard It is a defense mechanism- our minds cut off our dopamine-motivation circuits, so we cannot progress with plans to kill the said brain. It is battle of will and instinct. It is much safer to make the person super tired and fatigued because It makes him/her less likely to ctb.

It has been hard week, I am tired, so much to do and learn but I cannot bring myself to do It either, I am tired of this bs. I have problems with managing my house and myself. I feel like I gaslight myself because I can have very hard times and then later feel good and forget about bad times.

I also cannot feel much, like emotions are not there. Including love. I am not even sad anymore. Thanks for reading, I tried to make It short.

Sometimes our desire to leave is short-circuited by our SI. This is not a weakness, it's just how we are hard-wired for survival. Much love to you.

 

[health1978]

Anyone on?

 

[actual_fox]

Anyone on?

Yes? What do you mean?

 

[health1978]

I want to talk /exchange words thru text, not just on here?