i hate sh

[carnivalforone]

i cant control it i have overwhelming urges and i just start cutting and the warmth and the exhilarating feeling destresses me but right after i think about how ugly its gonna be once it scars and i regret it and i hate myself more than i already do but i deadass have no other way to cope. im alone i have no distractions i have no anything its pathetic. i just wish i was never born so i never had to suffer with all this shi in the first place. surely its not normal to have all these bad thoughts, if i had to be born why couldnt i have been born better, or healthy and not so unappealing and pathetic that im fucking condemned to solitude for the rest of my life. fuck.