M
myopybyproxy
flickerbeat \\ gibberish-noise
- Dec 18, 2021
- 864
i completely agree op. my body feels wrong. no other way to describe it. i wish i could unzip my skin and walk away from this ridiculous flesh suit.
i hate everything about being female as well. fragile and weak and cant go anywhere unaccompanied because a man might not be able to control himself. im trans (nonbinary) and i hate the beauty standards too because theres no way i can win. if i try to look more feminine im just ugly and no one wants me and i hate myself. performing femininity feels gross and unnatural. this body is a costume, i tell myself - anything to get through each day without shredding my skin to bits. and yet if i try to look more the way i want and make my outside match my inside im pathetic because my body will never let me forget its existence and no one wants the real me for who i truly am and i hate myself.
other things i hate about being female: i hate being short. i hate how i can exercise for hours a day and eat 100+g protein and yet my brother who puts in half as much effort is twice as muscular. i hate how i eat a single tiny carb or cheese or sugar and then all i can think about is food. i hate how i have a fucking eating disorder and still cant fucking get the body i should have been born with. no matter how much fat i lose or muscle i gain, my hipbones will always protrude and scream 'excellent fetus factory, this'. my skeleton is flawed. i am a mistake down to my very bones. i hate having a vagina and menstruating and being fertile. the word itself disgusts me. i disgust myself purely because i am female.
the female voice repulses me. i find it brash and abrasive. all humans are shaped in such a silly manner, but the female shape nauseates me. i am pansexual - looks are not a consideration as much as personality - but aesthetically, females look horribly deformed to me. i look at my female relatives and query how i am related to that.
i hate the socialisation females get and how society expects them to live. too much to list here. it makes me too angry. and resigned. nothing i can do to change this shit. why bother thinking about it.
though i guess this is the sort of hype i need to get myself in the right mindset so i dont back out. like a girl would. because the rate of attempted vs completed suicide by sex is yet another point i use to berate myself.
and yeah, this is a large part of why i want to be dead. cest la vie i suppose.
i hate everything about being female as well. fragile and weak and cant go anywhere unaccompanied because a man might not be able to control himself. im trans (nonbinary) and i hate the beauty standards too because theres no way i can win. if i try to look more feminine im just ugly and no one wants me and i hate myself. performing femininity feels gross and unnatural. this body is a costume, i tell myself - anything to get through each day without shredding my skin to bits. and yet if i try to look more the way i want and make my outside match my inside im pathetic because my body will never let me forget its existence and no one wants the real me for who i truly am and i hate myself.
other things i hate about being female: i hate being short. i hate how i can exercise for hours a day and eat 100+g protein and yet my brother who puts in half as much effort is twice as muscular. i hate how i eat a single tiny carb or cheese or sugar and then all i can think about is food. i hate how i have a fucking eating disorder and still cant fucking get the body i should have been born with. no matter how much fat i lose or muscle i gain, my hipbones will always protrude and scream 'excellent fetus factory, this'. my skeleton is flawed. i am a mistake down to my very bones. i hate having a vagina and menstruating and being fertile. the word itself disgusts me. i disgust myself purely because i am female.
the female voice repulses me. i find it brash and abrasive. all humans are shaped in such a silly manner, but the female shape nauseates me. i am pansexual - looks are not a consideration as much as personality - but aesthetically, females look horribly deformed to me. i look at my female relatives and query how i am related to that.
i hate the socialisation females get and how society expects them to live. too much to list here. it makes me too angry. and resigned. nothing i can do to change this shit. why bother thinking about it.
though i guess this is the sort of hype i need to get myself in the right mindset so i dont back out. like a girl would. because the rate of attempted vs completed suicide by sex is yet another point i use to berate myself.
and yeah, this is a large part of why i want to be dead. cest la vie i suppose.