I guess this is a goodbye thread

[AbsentMindedHuman]

Beautiful dog. I hope you find peace. The health system is a true failure. You deserved better.

 

[swanchild]

Beautiful dog. I hope you find peace. The health system is a true failure. You deserved better.

Thank you. I honestly hold no resentment against anyone or even "the system" nor my psychiatrist who if I'm being honest we had a bit of a love-hate relationship. She was just trying to guide me and I can see all the little ways she tried to show she cared about me.

I was also involved in an excellent outpatient program with a nurse I really trusted. She gave me a T-shirt and I can't seem to take it off. I've written her a note and enclosed a jade fish.

I have a lot of forgiveness for everyone else, just not myself, and I mostly feel horribly lonely and not like in a, "you'll meet new people way" but in a "what about the people I loved before?" way. I have a lot of guilt for certain things, and I just always kind of didn't want to be here. That's not to say life hasn't inspired me, I have an artist's temperament. But I do remember apologizing to my mom for being born when I was a kid.

My life story is also pretty insane; my parents met in a mental hospital and both fought their own demons and my dad eventually died of possible still undetermined suicide. Addictions run deep, hence the wine.

I'm feeling inspired, lonely, loved, and courageous right now. But also depressed.

 

[Jon Arbuckle]

Whatever happens with you, I hope you find happiness.

 

[yunzzzk]

May you find peace and safe travel

 

[seraph168]

Your dog knows your intentions

 

[thebelljarrr]

Fantasized a bit about sticking around long enough to write an autobiography under the guise of fiction and a pseudonym. I do like to write. And I would give all the money I made off it (should it be successful-- I'm starting to think I genuinely have bipolar) to the people who merited it and to a certain organization. Keeping everything super vague for anonymity. I just don't think it's feasible if I'm being honest, I keep wandering off like a dying cat, hiding.

For the record, I loved Clarice Lispector, Otessa Moshfegh, and Madeleine Miller. I loved Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath. I loved Cocorosie, Jewel, Tori Amos, Kate Bush and Bjork.

Isn't there a quote: "if I have seen further, it has been by standing on the shoulders of giants?" This is just my last little spark of creativity and imagination I suppose. I've made some pretty cool art but I would have liked to have published a book.

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You two are beautiful. If u have read any of Sylvia's poems, may I know ur favorite? I'll be thinking of you.

 

[swanchild]

You two are beautiful. If u have read any of Sylvia's poems, may I know ur favorite? I'll be thinking of you.

I have done it again. One year in every ten I manage it...

And The Moon and the Yew Tree.

Loved The Bell Jar, too.

Your dog knows your intentions

:(

 

[F@#$]

Beautiful dog

 

[swanchild]

Beautiful dog

Isn't she? Thank you


----



I opened up to my best friend about some of the stuff that's brought me to this point and she's promised me she doesn't judge me and I believe her. And it almost makes me want to keep going I just... don't know. I still feel so trapped and hopeless and degenerated. So many people have reached out to me recently with outpourings of love. Sigh. And that dream from God, it drives me insane to the point I hallucinate it.

I'll share even though it might give away my identity because I've spoken about it to people before. I dreamt that all the stars in the black heavens were flying towards me and a great blue sapphire pendulum swung from the sky, crested in an ornate silver casting. The voice of God said "the fruit of a blue sapphire yields a strong will to go on."

To yield can mean to bear fruit to, to replenish. But it can also mean to stop.

Sapphires represent wisdom, honesty and integrity. They were also associated with King Solomon in the Bible who was known for his good judgment but parried it off with his lasciviousness and hedonism.

King Solomon also made a judgment about a baby:
Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!"

I don't know what this dream is trying to tell me and it always calls me back and I don't know what I'm doing. It scares me. God is scary. But God is also loving.

Does anyone have any insight to share about this dream and what it may mean? I'm actually a fairly religious person, not so much by choice but by calling...

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

Isn't she? Thank you


----



I opened up to my best friend about some of the stuff that's brought me to this point and she's promised me she doesn't judge me and I believe her. And it almost makes me want to keep going I just... don't know. I still feel so trapped and hopeless and degenerated. So many people have reached out to me recently with outpourings of love. Sigh. And that dream from God, it drives me insane to the point I hallucinate it.

I'll share even though it might give away my identity because I've spoken about it to people before. I dreamt that all the stars in the black heavens were flying towards me and a great blue sapphire pendulum swung from the sky, crested in an ornate silver casting. The voice of God said "the fruit of a blue sapphire yields a strong will to go on."

To yield can mean to bear fruit to, to replenish. But it can also mean to stop.

Sapphires represent wisdom, honesty and integrity. They were also associated with King Solomon in the Bible who was known for his good judgment but parried it off with his lasciviousness and hedonism.

King Solomon also made a judgment about a baby:
Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!"

I don't know what this dream is trying to tell me and it always calls me back and I don't know what I'm doing. It scares me. God is scary. But God is also loving.

Does anyone have any insight to share about this dream and what it may mean? I'm actually a fairly religious person, not so much by choice but by calling...

That's a very interesting dream. Sadly I don't have any gift of dream interpretation, but I noticed something else in your message. You said that several people have expressed love to you. To me it sounds like a lot of people care about you. Could any of those people help you overcome the problems that have brought you to this point? It sounds like you matter a lot to these people and they would be upset to see you go.

 

[F@#$]

Isn't she? Thank you


----



I opened up to my best friend about some of the stuff that's brought me to this point and she's promised me she doesn't judge me and I believe her. And it almost makes me want to keep going I just... don't know. I still feel so trapped and hopeless and degenerated. So many people have reached out to me recently with outpourings of love. Sigh. And that dream from God, it drives me insane to the point I hallucinate it.

I'll share even though it might give away my identity because I've spoken about it to people before. I dreamt that all the stars in the black heavens were flying towards me and a great blue sapphire pendulum swung from the sky, crested in an ornate silver casting. The voice of God said "the fruit of a blue sapphire yields a strong will to go on."

To yield can mean to bear fruit to, to replenish. But it can also mean to stop.

Sapphires represent wisdom, honesty and integrity. They were also associated with King Solomon in the Bible who was known for his good judgment but parried it off with his lasciviousness and hedonism.

King Solomon also made a judgment about a baby:
Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!"

I don't know what this dream is trying to tell me and it always calls me back and I don't know what I'm doing. It scares me. God is scary. But God is also loving.

Does anyone have any insight to share about this dream and what it may mean? I'm actually a fairly religious person, not so much by choice but by calling...

Yes, dogs are great.
The dream is wild. I don't dream much, I actually had a dream The other night. Nothing meaningful or profound like yours. Just a stupid motorcycle dream.

 

[No More Tears]

Fantasized a bit about sticking around long enough to write an autobiography under the guise of fiction and a pseudonym. I do like to write. And I would give all the money I made off it (should it be successful-- I'm starting to think I genuinely have bipolar) to the people who merited it and to a certain organization. Keeping everything super vague for anonymity. I just don't think it's feasible if I'm being honest, I keep wandering off like a dying cat, hiding.

For the record, I loved Clarice Lispector, Otessa Moshfegh, and Madeleine Miller. I loved Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath. I loved Cocorosie, Jewel, Tori Amos, Kate Bush and Bjork.

Isn't there a quote: "if I have seen further, it has been by standing on the shoulders of giants?" This is just my last little spark of creativity and imagination I suppose. I've made some pretty cool art but I would have liked to have published a book.

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Just know whatever you choose to do, we're all here if you change your mind and decide to stay.

 

[CatLvr]

I haven't been here but for a minute, though I've lurked most of the last couple of days. You are gifted and as it often is with gifts, there is also a burden that comes with those gifts. It is also obvious you love and are loved.

Our pets know us better than we know ourselves sometimes. I do believe that they love us and miss us when we are gone. They are but one piece of our world, but we are their whole world.

Whatever happens from this point forward, I wish you peace. And happiness. Hug your puppy.

 

[swanchild]

I read that the method I chose has a high risk of failure and that I would have a better chance of success if I got something else I could use, too. Went to sleep and tried to forget about being suicidal.

Woke up from like 4 nightmares of course. All about friends leaving me behind. Reached out to old friends and got the "you're toxic" spiel. Do people want my heart, my liver, my intestines, my organs? This is how I always feel, like I should slice my belly open and toss everything out and let everyone dissect it.

I called them heartless and blocked them. I'm so done with this world

Am I evil :(

 

[billie]

I hope you're okay

 

[CatLvr]

No, you are not evil. I, too, am a people pleaser and it is just our way. We surround ourselves with people who demand more from us than they do themselves. I am old enough (and yes tired enough) to just be over it all. Even when I try NOT to I wind up with "friends" that expect my soul for a pittance. No more. My pets love me and ask for nothing in return.

For what it's worth, I'm glad you're still here.

 

[swanchild]

I found what I was looking for for my method but coincidentally it's one of my OCD fears omg SI is gonna be a bitch but this might actually work

I hope you're okay

I'm not but thank you :(

No, you are not evil. I, too, am a people pleaser and it is just our way. We surround ourselves with people who demand more from us than they do themselves. I am old enough (and yes tired enough) to just be over it all. Even when I try NOT to I wind up with "friends" that expect my soul for a pittance. No more. My pets love me and ask for nothing in return.

For what it's worth, I'm glad you're still here.

Yes. They always expect more from you than from themselves, you're so exactly right. That is my problem right there.

 

[swanchild]

I'm so hurt and angry I really am like I'm so beyond hurt. How could they leave me behind

 

[CatLvr]

I'm so hurt and angry I really am like I'm so beyond hurt. How could they leave me behind

I honestly have no idea because I'm the person who would stand by a friend forever. My heart hurts for you. You may not have them but you do have us. Hugs, dear.

 

[swanchild]

I really want to die tonight please just let me die tonight I can't see my method working and part of it I'm too scared to do. I don't know what to do anymore, tying a perfect noose was so hard the first time that even if I get more rope it's going to be a bitch and a pain in the ass. And I don't want someone to find me hung. I might have to start looking into SN honestly but I don't want to wait that long I want out now. I'm going to try tonight regardless but oh my God I'm in unimaginable emotional pain. I don't want one more day of this madness

 

[Minsu]

So nice dog, what's his name?

In case you ctb I wish you a peaceful journey without any kind of suffering

 

[swanchild]

So nice dog, what's his name?

In case you ctb I wish you a peaceful journey without any kind of suffering

I don't want to share for anonymity but she's a girl! ♥ a very good girl

Thank you

---

I slept in. I also made plans today to help someone clean because I was depressed and wanted someone to talk to. I'm probably gonna regret everything I say but that's alright

 

[CatLvr]

I don't want to share for anonymity but she's a girl! ♥ a very good girl

Thank you

---

I slept in. I also made plans today to help someone clean because I was depressed and wanted someone to talk to. I'm probably gonna regret everything I say but that's alright

Ahhhh, that's so sweet! Our pets give us so much, huh??

Please be gentle with yourself today. It seems like you have had a particularly rough time lately. When you get back from cleaning, treat yourself -- even if all that treat is is a nice, warm bubblebath.

 

[swanchild]

Ahhhh, that's so sweet! Our pets give us so much, huh??

Please be gentle with yourself today. It seems like you have had a particularly rough time lately. When you get back from cleaning, treat yourself -- even if all that treat is is a nice, warm bubblebath.

I'm home. I completely opened up to my ex coworker about how I was in the mental hospital, then an outpatient program, and attempted suicide twice. I told her my entire life story actually. And I'm scared to feel ok about it but I do. She even offered to drive me to appointments.

I don't know if this helps anyone but please reach out to even one person, take a risk, especially if you feel alone. It's kept me alive for one more night, probably long enough until I see my therapist Tuesday.

I want to cry tears of gratitude.

 

[CatLvr]

I'm home. I completely opened up to my ex coworker about how I was in the mental hospital, then an outpatient program, and attempted suicide twice. I told her my entire life story actually. And I'm scared to feel ok about it but I do. She even offered to drive me to appointments.

I don't know if this helps anyone but please reach out to even one person, take a risk, especially if you feel alone. It's kept me alive for one more night, probably long enough until I see my therapist Tuesday.

I want to cry tears of gratitude.

Oh my gosh!! GIRL!!! That is wonderful news!! I am SO happy for you! Good grief, I need to get a grip. My husband is gonna wanna know why his wife who never cries has tears streaming down her cheeks. He's watching the Olympics -- maybe he won't notice!

 

[singingcrow]

please don't go

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Whatever you do, I hope you find peace soon

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I'm home. I completely opened up to my ex coworker about how I was in the mental hospital, then an outpatient program, and attempted suicide twice. I told her my entire life story actually. And I'm scared to feel ok about it but I do. She even offered to drive me to appointments.

I don't know if this helps anyone but please reach out to even one person, take a risk, especially if you feel alone. It's kept me alive for one more night, probably long enough until I see my therapist Tuesday.

I want to cry tears of gratitude.

Hello @swanchild,
Thank you so much for being with us.
Though this world is so cruel and wild,
You're standing - you haven't caught the bus!

Sorry for a weird message to hear.
To you, I might be just a stranger,
But if you are going to stay here,
I pray, may you find a game changer.

Life is an endless series of strife,
Where brutal exploitation is rife,
But we will always be by your side -
Because this is Sanctioned Suicide.

I pray, heavenly Father bless you -
So that you'll find a new avenue.
May he always see you from above -
And surround you with a lot of love.

Note: I think you believe in one of Abrahamic religions because you've used capitalized God.

---

I can't be grateful enough to you that you're still here, and please rest well.

I wish you peace, on this planet.

LoiteringClouds

 

[Praestat_Mori]

How r u doing today?

 

[Arahant]

I have to ask if you have been made aware of the possibility of metabolic psychiatry; treating mental health issues that have brain inflammation and energy deficit as their causes by utilizing nutritional therapies like (temporary) elimination or ketogenic diets?

Forgive me if this irritates anyone or infringes on any rules, I simply can't not mention it.

What I gather is your family has a history of similar ailments, and you have had depression since childhood - both of those things can speak for increased likelihood of brain inflammation.

Drs. Georgia Ede and Chris Palmer have books titled "Change your diet; change your mind" and "Brain Energy" that delve deep into the actual science as to how this works.
There are also a ton of interviews on youtube with both of those Drs, and patients who have reversed all sorts of diseases with their approaches.

May everyone have a chance at happiness, and be free of suffering.