I get emotionally and physically abused my pain won’t stop. I wanna die but can’t?

[merumeru]

My father is abusive to me and the whole family he's wealthy but stingy to some extent he buys me gifts out of his free will then proceeds to call me a brat for accepting it. The other day he was comparing my face to celebrities and calling me ugly. It hurt me a lot I went to my room to cry and he got mad that I cried saying I'm ungrateful and he's already been so nice to me so the rest of the day I was down ofc and he tried to act like nothings wrong and then I pretend to be ok I was still talking to him etc and he just snapped when we got home he started going off about me well if I got into details you'd be reading for hours anyways he hits me when he's angry and can't control his tempter. He said what do u have to prove you did nothing! Yeah I'm a student what do u expect I haven't graduated university he's like you try and make 10k and then we'd talk but I didn't demand anything from him he just buys it. Anyways everyday it's like this and then he was like I'm not gonna give u a nose job for you big nose even tho I have HIS nose im deeply insecure about it and it's all his fault all cuz today I was down and didn't treat him like the king is is but I didn't talk I just was there. I wanna die please everyday is painful please what can I do to die? I want a painless death. I saw the balcony but couldn't jump please

 

[SASU-KE]

You're young and feel trapped. I've been there. The only suggestion I have is if you finish your university degree you can become independent, getting a job and having a salary. Then you'll be away from him and any abusive family member. Life will actually be better. I know it's cliche.

 

[merumeru]

And th

My father is abusive to me and the whole family he's wealthy but stingy to some extent he buys me gifts out of his free will then proceeds to call me a brat for accepting it. The other day he was comparing my face to celebrities and calling me ugly. It hurt me a lot I went to my room to cry and he got mad that I cried saying I'm ungrateful and he's already been so nice to me so the rest of the day I was down ofc and he tried to act like nothings wrong and then I pretend to be ok I was still talking to him etc and he just snapped when we got home he started going off about me well if I got into details you'd be reading for hours anyways he hits me when he's angry and can't control his tempter. He said what do u have to prove you did nothing! Yeah I'm a student what do u expect I haven't graduated university he's like you try and make 10k and then we'd talk but I didn't demand anything from him he just buys it. Anyways everyday it's like this and then he was like I'm not gonna give u a nose job for you big nose even tho I have HIS nose im deeply insecure about it and it's all his fault all cuz today I was down and didn't treat him like the king is is but I didn't talk I just was there. I wanna die please everyday is painful please what can I do to die? I want a painless death. I saw the balcony but couldn't jump ple

You're young and feel trapped. I've been there. The only suggestion I have is if you finish your university degree you can become independent, getting a job and having a salary. Then you'll be away from him and any abusive family member. Life will actually be better. I know it's cliche.

Sounds easy but it isn't it's hard to do anything when you're depressed. You don't understand how life is at home for me everyday constantly worried about my dad I can't move out I don't have a job or money I need to study and worst part is I need my dad for the job too. It isn't easy being constantly victim blamed and gaslit etc and hit everyday whenever he's in a bad mood. He says you have no school achievements etc. I tried hanging my self at the door and it didn't work all I did was cough. That's why im alive rn

 

[SASU-KE]

And th



Sounds easy but it isn't it's hard to do anything when you're depressed. You don't understand how life is at home for me everyday constantly worried about my dad I can't move out I don't have a job or money I need to study and worst part is I need my dad for the job too. It isn't easy being constantly victim blamed and gaslit etc and hit everyday whenever he's in a bad mood. He says you have no school achievements etc. I tried hanging my self at the door and it didn't work all I did was cough. That's why im alive rn

No, it's not easy at all. It's really hard. I suffered a lot in school and college. I have ADHD as well. I passed out of my college with pretty mediocre scores. I too ended up getting a job with the help of family, so there's nothing wrong in taking his help. Once you're independent, cut him loose and get away from your family. It's what I did. I didn't speak to my father for years. I really have been there.

 

[merumeru]

No, it's not easy at all. It's really hard. I suffered a lot in school and college. I have ADHD as well. I passed out of my college with pretty mediocre scores. I too ended up getting a job with the help of family, so there's nothing wrong in taking his help. Once you're independent, cut him loose and get away from your family. It's what I did. I didn't speak to my father for years. I really have been there.

I'm just tired of constantly living in fear. I'll try the door hanging again later. I even did my makeup and wore something nice cuz I wanna look presentable when I die. I can't fix my relationship with my dad anymore my sister is jealous of me and constantly tries to bring me a down and my mom is unsupportive she's ok with watching this happen because she herself doesn't wanna get hit. My high school grades were fine because my dad was abroad now that's he back an I'm in university everyday is hell I have terrible depression I'm always late to class or skip even drugs can't help me anymore I tried DHC DXM heavy drinking when nobody's home and it doesn't work. Dad knows I'm insecure about my looks etc and he constantly makes me feel like ass about myself not even just my face. I hate myself too and it's all his fault I just want the pain in my chest to stop forever

 

[SASU-KE]

I'm just tired of constantly living in fear. I'll try the door hanging again later. I even did my makeup and wore something nice cuz I wanna look presentable when I die. I can't fix my relationship with my dad anymore my sister is jealous of me and constantly tries to bring me a down and my mom is unsupportive she's ok with watching this happen because she herself doesn't wanna get hit.

Do you live in an Asian country?

 

[merumeru]

Yeah I do

Do you live in an Asian country?

 

[SASU-KE]

That makes sense. This seems to be a common theme in Asia.Do you have friends in college? Do you have hobbies you enjoy? Can you maybe leave the house for some hobbies or sports often? Or go out with friends. When I used to be in college, on some days I would leave the house in the evening and come back next day in the morning.

What I'm trying to say is, can you try to spend more time away from home? So you're away from your abusive dad as well?

Yeah I do

 

[unluckysadness]

This is so sad It's just hell when you are trapped like this. I hope you'll find peace soon.

 

[merumeru]

Yeah I do

That makes sense. This seems to be a common theme in Asia.Do you have friends in college? Do you have hobbies you enjoy? Can you maybe leave the house for some hobbies or sports often? Or go out with friends. When I used to be in college, on some days I would leave the house in the evening and come back next day in the morning.

What I'm trying to say is, can you try to spend more time away from home? So you're away from your abusive dad as well?

Yeah I guess it's common in Asia in the school close to mine another student younger than me committed suicide after exam pressure and failing etc apparently it was caused by his mom. I don't have friends I don't have anyone unironically I am alone. I didn't kill myself I took some relaxing drugs so I'm too sleepy too. I don't care if he hits me when I'm high cuz I won't feel it as much. I can't leave the house there's literally no where after school I'm exhausted so I go home to crash and nap and wake up and eat dinner and study or if dads having a bad day beaten up or insulted. And then repeat that's my life.

That makes sense. This seems to be a common theme in Asia.Do you have friends in college? Do you have hobbies you enjoy? Can you maybe leave the house for some hobbies or sports often? Or go out with friends. When I used to be in college, on some days I would leave the house in the evening and come back next day in the morning.

What I'm trying to say is, can you try to spend more time away from home? So you're away from your abusive dad as well?