Venting I feel like I should have CTB'd a long time ago

[Reflection]

Back when the feeling to do it was so intense that I had to basically keep myself from jumping the nearest rooftop.

Now I've been living so much with the pain that it feels familiar, I haven't healed or anything, just feeling like a prisoner between the pain and my will to live. I don't even understand myself anymore, am I still alive because I know suicide is till an option and thus find comfort in it? Or am I still holding on to that false hope of mine because I might as well keep doing if I already resisted this long...At the end of the day I'm just completely tired both mentally and physically.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

A lot of us are in this same boat.

 

[truede4th]

u r not alone in this :)

 

[DarkestSoul]

A lot of people here have gone through this.
You're not alone.

 

[sadalways]

I understand how that feels for me personally that feeling is really intense right now, and i have to stop myself, the pain is just too much. Then at times it's almost as if my mind switches and i get used to the pain, still wanting for it to end but it's kind of comforting. It's really, really tiresome.

 

[Reflection]

I understand how that feels for me personally that feeling is really intense right now, and i have to stop myself, the pain is just too much. Then at times it's almost as if my mind switches and i get used to the pain, still wanting for it to end but it's kind of comforting. It's really, really tiresome.

If it were guaranteed that there was light at the end of the tunnel it would be much easier to resist the pain, and yet all we can do is hope until it gets better or it consumes us but I always keep asking myself whether that hope is worth fighting for.