Venting I feel disgusted for being a man

[Anakinisdead]

I feel bad for being a man... Imagine being part of a gender that kills, kidnaps, abuses, manipulates, tortures the most... I feel so disgusted and angry at myself Because I was born with such a wretched gender. It makes me want to kill myself... I even tried to being trans, but I didn't identify with it, so I gave up And I remained in the masculine gender. That's why I can't have sex, my mind tells me it's wrong and that I would be just like other men if I tried tô have a sex with someone. I don't want to be treated as a threat, I don't want to have to hold back my tears, I don't want to pretend I don't feel anything, I just wanted peace, comfort, to be able to cry and be sensitive. Unfortunately, I will die pathetically and hating myself.... I don't wanna be me

 

[sinnrr-sistrr]

There's much nuance to being trans. If you don't want to identify as a woman, maybe you'd feel more comfortable identifying as non-binary while still remaining masculine?

 

[LastNite]

Why feel bad for something you didnt do?

 

[Riu]

Does the sex that you're born as really dictate who you are as a person?

 

[Anakinisdead]

Why feel bad for something you didnt do?

Because I've heard phrases like "all men are the same" and I thought... But what about me? And unfortunately, I'm also a man, and bad things are attributed to my gender, which disgusts me And they give me reasons to kill myself... It seems ridiculous, but I feel truly disgusted by this and by my gender because of it... Sorry

Does the sex that you're born as really dictate who you are as a person?

From the perspective of the people around me... Yes... Mainly about feelings. (I'm talking about what's happening around me because I don't know what it's like for you... If you want to share, I'm open to that too)

 

[LastNite]

Because I've heard phrases like "all men are the same" and I thought... But what about me? And unfortunately, I'm also a man, and bad things are attributed to my gender, which disgusts me And they give me reasons to kill myself... It seems ridiculous, but I feel truly disgusted by this and by my gender because of it... Sorry

Just read the argument. Doesnt it sound very similar?
What did the nazis say? What do racists say?
It's a common argument meant to spread hatred.

Ive seen a mother online treat her 6 year old son like shit because he was born a male while she treats her daughter better.
Doesnt that sound evil as fuck to you? If yes, then stop taking those ideas into your mind.
You're a decent human being. Those who spread generalized hatred arent.

 

[Riu]

From the perspective of the people around me... Yes... Mainly about feelings. (I'm talking about what's happening around me because I don't know what it's like for you... If you want to share, I'm open to that too)

Their perspectives are wrong. Everyone is an individual, placing labels on people based on something they cannot control like their sex is wrong and very hurtful. This is no different from racism.

 

[instormdrains]

Just dont rape people i guess. This seems like a pretty big overgeneralization. Imagine seeing a German born 10 years ago and blaming them for the holocaust. If you are worried about being perceived as a threat then try to just be more gentle around women. But dont be like a redditor saying my lady. My female friends have told me horror stories of people hitting on them but just work to not be like those guys and you'll be fine. Masculinity is great and so is femininity we were made to compliment each other

 

[PanaxMan]

I feel bad for being a man... Imagine being part of a gender that kills, kidnaps, abuses, manipulates, tortures the most... I feel so disgusted and angry at myself Because I was born with such a wretched gender. It makes me want to kill myself... I even tried to being trans, but I didn't identify with it, so I gave up And I remained in the masculine gender. That's why I can't have sex, my mind tells me it's wrong and that I would be just like other men if I tried tô have a sex with someone. I don't want to be treated as a threat, I don't want to have to hold back my tears, I don't want to pretend I don't feel anything, I just wanted peace, comfort, to be able to cry and be sensitive. Unfortunately, I will die pathetically and hating myself.... I don't wanna be me

I kinda feel the same but then you put humanity into everything and it just gets worse...

 

[singingcrow]

it's actually really nice to see a guy with this much empathy and sensitivity. that doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a good one. you're not responsible for what other men do.

be a little easier on yourself

 

[blisterinthesun]

Being a man doesn't in itself mean anything about you objectively. Not in the way you are saying at least.

There are examples of human cultures that have been extremely matriarchal, or where men have had a very different role. Or where violence and aggression would have men cast out of the group. Most of us just happen to have ended up living in societies that are organised around patriarchy and violence. But even within that system, some of the gentlest, most generous and nurturing people I've ever met have been men.

We don't get to choose everything in life, but you do get to decide what kind of person you are going to be and how you want to treat others. Doesn't the fact that sexual violence disgusts you disprove the statement 'all men are the same'?

You sound like you feel a lot of emotion. And you also sound like you really take to heart what people say. I understand because I have a similar personality. It is difficult to navigate the ways society and people define us. But know that you get a say in what it means to be a man, even if the people around you have fixed ideas.

Also, if you want to help alleviate some of the problems you are talking about here, there may be ways you can help in your region by volunteering or donating to rape crisis organisations, etc.

 

[morina]

First: You aren't your gender, you are an individual. Neither are you your nationality, your ethnicity, your religion or your species, if that worries you, too. You don't have to take any responsibility for acts others committed just because you share certain traits with them, only for your own. These generalisations are attempts to make easier judgments since our brains are lazy and hating on another group or having a common "enemy" gives a sense of community.

But I understand it must truly hurt, since, especially in online discourse, people try to morally justify these generalisations instead of acknowledge them as (sometimes necessary) flaws. Or try to make people change or feel bad for things they didn't do. The standard answer to this would be to "touch grass, real people aren't like that", disregarding the fact that online communities make up a huge part of people's lives nowadays. Or people will just assume you are some kind of creep women currently feel unsafe with (???) and give advice on how to talk to women or something.

Sadly, I can't really give advice on how to cope with that, I can just repeat: These generalisations are hurtful. It is in no way your fault to feel hurt by them. You aren't "part of the problem" because you feel hurt by them. On the contrary, it shows you are not part of the problem: you are sensitive, empathetic and understand feelings. You were even willing to go to such extreme lenghts as "being trans" to escape that, which of course can't work if you aren't really trans. It must be so painful to you. You shouldn't have to prove you are "one of the good ones", you should just be able to exist.

In a good world, this shouldn't be a reason for suicide. I can only hope you can somehow overcome these feelings, be a loving boyfriend and have sex if you want to, and live a happy life without feeling this way.

 

[knowledgeseeking]

I feel bad for being a man... Imagine being part of a gender that kills, kidnaps, abuses, manipulates, tortures the most... I feel so disgusted and angry at myself Because I was born with such a wretched gender. It makes me want to kill myself... I even tried to being trans, but I didn't identify with it, so I gave up And I remained in the masculine gender. That's why I can't have sex, my mind tells me it's wrong and that I would be just like other men if I tried tô have a sex with someone. I don't want to be treated as a threat, I don't want to have to hold back my tears, I don't want to pretend I don't feel anything, I just wanted peace, comfort, to be able to cry and be sensitive. Unfortunately, I will die pathetically and hating myself.... I don't wanna be me

You may feel that way, but is not at all true. Yes there are men that do horrible things but there are also plenty of horrible abusive women.

You don't belong to a gender that does terrible things, you're part of a species that does.

I am a man, a very kind, gentle, empathetic man. Some would be describe me as over sensitive and too accommodating. Putting others first and naturally wanting to help, is just the man I am and choose to be. What makes humans different from other animals is our free will and adaptability. Some humans (men and women) make horrible, selfish, harmful choices and other choose kindness.

Your gender doesn't make you any more or less of monster. The choice to be a monster or not is completely up to you. Gender does not decide this and is not an excuse for anybody's poor behavior.

Hopefully you go forward and be a kind gentle man and human this world needs. Should you choose not be a quality human, that is because you choose not to be and has nothing to do with what dangles between your legs.

I greatly hope that you choose to speak or continue speaking with therapists about this so you can learn to accept yourself. There are plenty of good men in the world and by the concerns you mention, it sounds like you are a good one too. The world needs more of us. Should it turn out that what you feel is gender dysphoria, that you get help accepting that too. The world also needs more wonderful trans persons.

 

[asymptoteofidealism]

Sir, I hate being part of a humanity that does much evil as well. We are a humanity so evil that God almost destroyed us forever in the great flood. But there's still hope for us individuals to pursue virtue for virtue's sake while we're alive. Oftentimes, we don't have control or say in the endless evil which goes on in the world. It's our job to focus on ourselves because the true fault lines between evil and good run through each human heart. Fight evil in the world by fighting it in yourself.

What you're feeling is totally valid. Personally, I decline to accept the final existence of humanity as evil. If each man but one was entirely wicked, the good man's life would be worth living for the sake of goodness in itself. Please understand: Being a man is not defined in any way by the evils they commit. A man was created to be good, noble, and virtuous. Men who commit evils are falling short of being men, since evil is an absence of good and therefore, an evil man's nature is an absence of true manliness. Be proud of being a man, if you choose to cultivate virtues that define and make you a man. Rather than men being evil, evil is inherently un-manly.

Also on a final note: women do bad things too, all the time. Its not just men. I hope you can find peace in your life and with yourself, and God. Hugs

 

[Sadbanana]

It sounds like you have a lot of internalized misandry (hatred of men). Our current society really likes to put men down. It's mostly because feminism has become very radicalized with the rise of social media to the point it became a hate ideology.

A lot of things you hear about men are manipulated statistics and biased observations. For example there was a study that found that around roughly the same number of teenage girls and boys experienced violence in relationships. The headline: every fourth teenage girl experienced violence in relationships.

There is extremely small subset of men committing these crimes. Not to mention the statistics are very scewed, if you define rape as only penetrative sex, of course you will only find men doing it. If you look at sexual crimes in general women are responsible for around 15-20%, especially if you take into consideration how underreported sexual assaults committed by women are.

I know it's difficult to hear so many bad things about your gender. But you at least don't need to automatically believe them. Most of it is just idological propaganda.

 

[Morte]

thats so fucking dumb

 

[SSamGarrison]

The way I see it, there is nothing inherently wrong with being a man. While you can't exactly eliminate your biases or how you may benefit from society, that isn't really your fault. The problem is with society and how that tends to benefit men in certain circumstances, even if they don't realize it, and how cultural norms can be used to justify harm against women. Yes, men are the primary perpetrators of violent crime, but you don't have to take responsibility for that. Instead, be willing to take criticism and be self aware about your biases (which EVERYONE has). Focus on improving yourself as an individual, because you can't control other men. If you agree it is important to reduce misogyny in society, then get involved in an organization or something, but don't feel as if you are directly responsible for those issues, because that isn't how it works.

 

[unloveable27]

Women aren't angels and treating them like they are is pretty pathetic. She's not gonna see this man.

 

[Wishingfordeath]

Women aren't any better, humanity in general is just garbage. I'm ashamed to be human.