Story I drilled a hole in my spine to make myself disabled

[Makko]

If you're right this saddens me

It saddens you that he doesn't often drill surgically precise holes in his body while singing Ennya songs?

 

[Flippy]

He's not being serious.

Are you sure?

 

[Panna]

It saddens you that he doesn't often drill surgically precise holes in his body while singing Ennya songs?

Precisely, if he doesn't mutilate himself while singing who can say this ruins my day.

 

[motel rooms]

It saddens you that he doesn't often drill surgically precise holes in his body while singing Ennya songs?

I have been given
One moment from heaven
As I am drilling
Surrounded by light

On my way home
I remember
Only good holes

 

[chocolatebar]

I hope this is a troll post.

This is a very weird thread and I can only agree with you. For the first time, I hope it's all a trolling

 

[motel rooms]

This is a very weird thread and I can only agree with you. For the first time, I hope it's all a trolling

There's nothing weird about it. OP is actually the lovechild of Dr. Gregory House, MD & MacGyver.

* I'm genuinely sorry if OP really engages in some form of self-harm & if they're suicidal, but please plug in your brain & carefully reread all they've written before you accuse me of being an insensitive jerk

 

[Deleted member 8975]

It's not really nice to make fun of or even goad someone into killing themselves.

 

[motel rooms]

It's not really nice to make fun of or even goad someone into killing themselves.

Who's goading OP into killing themselves? It isn't very nice to make up silly stories about serious matters on a suicide forum. Again, please plug in your brain & carefully reread all they've written. If you buy it, I have a bridge to sell you.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

One of the first replies literally tells them to kill themselves which is against the rules as well.

And now you insult me too? Please have some courtesy. It's not hard to give.

And accusing the OP of making up stories isn't fair if they have harmed themselves. Who is anyone here to discredit someone? If you think someone is lieing just ignore them and move on. Don't create a bonfire around them and try to fan flames.

 

[motel rooms]

One of the first replies literally tells them to kill themselves which is against the rules as well.

Was that reply written by me? I agree it was harsh. I don't know why that member got so angry after reading a fictional story.

And accusing the OP of making up stories isn't fair if they have harmed themselves. Who is anyone here to discredit someone?

Again, I'm genuinely sorry if OP really engages in some form of self-harm & if they're suicidal. They definitely did not perform surgery on their brain & spinal cord after looking at some neurological diagrams though because they are not a cartoon character.

 

[Flippy]

Was that reply written by me? I agree it was harsh. I don't know why that member got so angry after reading a fictional story.


Again, I'm genuinely sorry if OP really engages in some form of self-harm & if they're suicidal. They definitely did not perform surgery on their brain & spinal cord after looking at some neurological diagrams though because they are not a cartoon character.

I'm a bit undecided as to whether or not the story is true. But even so, on the off chance, I felt it was best to suggest they see a doctor.

Now it could be someone trying to tempt us into saying "Oh boy! What great fun, you should definitely do more of that..." So they can write nasty stories about SS in the news etc or "collect evidence".

That being said, I've been told by people who have worked in the field of mental health of people doing similar things with drills to their heads. There was even a woman on a documentary with bipolar who had done that exact thing. So it's possible and let's face it, if you post on a suicide website, you probably have mental health issues contributing to you state of mind.

It's extreme I agree. On a personal note, I was driven crackers by the pain of wisdom teeth and told a dentist very honestly that if they couldn't help I was going to remove them myself with "a big fucking hammer and a screwdriver". I wasn't joking.

The only thing that does give me pause, is that OP said they called 911 but calls their mother "mum". That's not necessarily impossible, but usually people who call 911 usually call their mothers "Mom". Now it's an inconsistency, but I'm not convinced that this person is definitely a liar at this point and still urge them to get help if they have done as they describe or are planning to.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm a bit undecided as to whether or not the story is true. But even so, on the off chance, I felt it was best to suggest they see a doctor.
(...) I'm not convinced that this person is definitely a liar at this point and still urge them to get help if they have done as they describe or are planning to.

It would take an enormous amount of medical knowledge & experience, concentration &, above all, a superhuman ability to beat pain to successfully do what OP claims they did. It might be their dangerous little fantasy though, & they should definitely take your advice about getting help. Suffering from chronic pain & being disabled is no fucking fun.

 

[Flippy]

It would take an enormous amount of medical knowledge & experience, concentration &, above all, a superhuman ability to beat pain to successfully do what OP claims they did. It might be their dangerous little fantasy though, & they should definitely take your advice about getting help. Suffering from chronic pain & being disabled is no fucking fun.

I agree, and just from my own encounter with spinal pain and seeing that of others, I do think it makes it a little suspect. On the other hand they may well have drilled a hole in their back, but not hit the target.

It's tough to decide, but I tend to think even if someone tells me that appears incredulous, I try not to let my personal incredulity factor in to it.

There's always the possibility that they have the intention to do such a thing and we're seeing if we approve. Hopefully no one has given the appearance that they do.

It not difficult to grab the necessary information from the internet to figure this stuff out though, so that leads me back to, it's entirely possible that they could have done something like what they describe. There's just no guarantee they've actually succeeded and that might be the only reason they aren't in an emergency ward.

So OP if you are reading this, don't do it if you haven't already and if you have, get help.

 

[chocolatebar]

It would take an enormous amount of medical knowledge & experience, concentration &, above all, a superhuman ability to beat pain to successfully do what OP claims they did. It might be their dangerous little fantasy though, & they should definitely take your advice about getting help. Suffering from chronic pain & being disabled is no fucking fun.

I found the post to be suspicious, bit now that I think about it, I feel ashamed of having even given the benefit of the doubt

 

[Flippy]

I couldn't find anything online that said it could cause brain damage. I feel like a hole in my spine isn't as bad as a hole in my head. I'll keep watching to see how it progresses and seek help if it goes beyond what I expect.


I don't have any of those.


:)


Yeah but it's too localized and also limits the sympathy I could get if they knew it was self-inflicted.


I don't agree with the concept of 'worth = tax - benefits' because tax is paid to a government that can just print as much money as it likes. The government (or central bank) decides the value of money so me not paying taxes isn't going to break the system. I used to work really hard, through school and university and later in my next job. But speaking to a friend, he asked me why I worked so hard. I thought about it for a few days and then had a come-to-jesus moment where I realised I could just slack off and the worse that could happen is I could get put on performance review. And then I realized that I didn't like working but I liked slacking off in the office even less, so I left. I see this as a completely acceptable option because I could easily see a parallel me working away for 50 years and hating every moment of it but being scared to leave. So the real question is 'why make yourself miserable for the sake of a government that has more than enough money?'


I'm not planning on going in again soon.


I think I feel pain in a different way to other people. Sharp concentrated pain feels both bad and good, whereas dull radiating pain feels only bad. So when I get dull raidiating pain, eg from a spot, I try to turn it into a sharp pain by cutting the spot off. I don't think I fear pain as much as other people, this could be something to do with my childhood.

My risk tolerance is a lot higher than others. I don't mind doing high risk stuff to my body because although I'm not actively trying to kill myself, I'm not particularly scared of dying.


Yeah, just a regular cordless drill.

Spoiler: Gross images

View attachment 74092View attachment 74091View attachment 74090View attachment 74089View attachment 74088

I'm not sure why but all this didn't turn up in the thread yesterday or earlier when I looked so I certainly didn't see this. Did you post this yesterday?

Look, if these pictures are real, the area you have injured is right where my dad had his back injury. You've been very fortunate that you haven't caused yourself to loose control of your bodily functions. You can loose the ability to enjoy sex. You may no longer be able to urinate causing damage to your kidneys in short order. This last one really nearly finished my dad off. You could also loose the ability to empty your bowls.

Yes you can certainly cause a lot of damage to your brain. Cerebral Spinal fluid is what your brain and spinal cord sits in. It is separated by the blood brain barrier. It's the body's way of preventing viruses, bacteria, amoeba from getting to your brain where it will be game over. Your body is essentially like a space suit for your brain.

Again, if these pictures are real you need to seek help.

I'm in the UK and I'm awake again at 6am because as usual in I can't sleep. I guess you might be in a different part of the world. But if you want to talk you can DM me if you want.

 

[Makko]

Yeah but it's too localized and also limits the sympathy I could get if they knew it was self-inflicted.

If you want the sympathy, you need your disability to be publicly recognised/acknowledged. No one can give you sympathy for being disabled in secret.

On any closer examination it will be obvious that the wound is self-inflicted, unless falsely accusing someone of aggravated assault is part of your plan. Once this comes to light (which it will) you will be thought of less as "poor disabled woman" and more as "psycho with drill". That's not going to get you the sympathy you want.

 

[Flippy]

If you want the sympathy, you need your disability to be publicly recognised/acknowledged. No one can give you sympathy for being disabled in secret.

On any closer examination it will be obvious that the wound is self-inflicted, unless falsely accusing someone of aggravated assault is part of your plan. Once this comes to light (which it will) you will be thought of less as "poor disabled woman" and more as "psycho with drill". That's not going to get you the sympathy you want.

Sadly I wouldn't put money on either interpretation causing sympathy, particularly with the "demigods in white".

I'm in pain most of the time and I have definitely got issues doing certain physical things I used to take for granted. Right now the pain in my mid back, that was never investigated properly, is coming back strongly. So that's tonight's reason why I'm in pain and can't sleep. And I get jack shit sympathy from any doctors.

It used to be that failure to sleep was my opportunity to enjoy myself unexpectedly and get on with some creative stuff.

Being in constant pain with limited range of motion is just shit all round. There's no sympathy really, I get asshats trying to bully me out of their way in stores and I can't move quickly enough to dodge them. I guess that's because I don't "look" like I have problems, but besides his cane, neither does my dad and the same shit happens to him, despite the reality of his condition.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm not sure why but all this didn't turn up in the thread yesterday or earlier when I looked so I certainly didn't see this. Did you post this yesterday?

I didn't see this either. How is that possible? OP didn't edit their post

 

[bluesrock]

@oliviahurts you're a fucking idiot.

Absolutely unnecessary.
Forums are for discussions and understand each other not for judgement.

 

[Flippy]

I didn't see this either. How is that possible? OP didn't edit their post

I thought I was going nuts when I checked for the "edited" flag and it wasn't there, thought it might be because I was viewing it on my phone. I scrolled through the thread to make sure I hadn't somehow landed on at later post thinking it was earlier.

I can't think of a way it would be possible to change the post unless maybe the post was deleted and another edited version put back in its place. Like maybe something glitches out if you edit or delete in a certain way.

Very strange :-/

 

[Makko]

I didn't see this either. How is that possible? OP didn't edit their post

I thought I was going nuts when I checked for the "edited" flag and it wasn't there, thought it might be because I was viewing it on my phone. I scrolled through the thread to make sure I hadn't somehow landed on at later post thinking it was earlier.

I can't think of a way it would be possible to change the post unless maybe the post was deleted and another edited version put back in its place. Like maybe something glitches out if you edit or delete in a certain way.

Very strange :-/

 

[motel rooms]

View attachment 74145

I am dumbfounded. OP clearly got mad skills...

 

[Flippy]

I am dumbfounded. OP clearly got mad skills...

This is how the Dire Straits "Money for Nothing" video would have turned out if the creators were on crystal meth.

 

[Remember-Me-Not]

Holy crap... OP, I say this genuinely: I hope you are okay and you find peace/relief from your pains one day.

And I echo the sentiment of others here, please seek medical help.

 

[SleepDealer]

I never saw those images before and I didn't get notified of their response until much later, so I'm assuming something glitched.
Regardless, gross - both to the pictures and this bizarre, borderline offensive means of getting out of work and obtaining sympathy.

OP, I can't say I feel sorry for you, so at least your goal to talk about this without someone feeling sorry for you or telling you to seek help was met by at least one person. I don't appreciate that you're doing this so willfully during a time when health care workers are overworked and resources for those who never chose to be disabled are short. However, I suppose there are worse reasons for someone to wind up in the hospital.

 

[ClairyFairy]

@oliviahurts please go and seek medical help! Ignore the piss takers weirdly enough self harm is like a taboo subject here. I know someone who used to eat cement. I believe you and I really think you need to see a medical professional asap

 

[oliviahurts]

I'm not sure why but all this didn't turn up in the thread yesterday or earlier when I looked so I certainly didn't see this. Did you post this yesterday?

Yeah, It was stuck waiting for mod approval.

If you want the sympathy, you need your disability to be publicly recognised/acknowledged. No one can give you sympathy for being disabled in secret.

On any closer examination it will be obvious that the wound is self-inflicted, unless falsely accusing someone of aggravated assault is part of your plan. Once this comes to light (which it will) you will be thought of less as "poor disabled woman" and more as "psycho with drill". That's not going to get you the sympathy you want.

I'm not going to tell anyone what I did. Doctors will know but confidentiality means the can't tell anyone witout my consent.

I live in the UK but was trying to be anonymous by using american words. obviously I failed.

More proof attached:

Spoiler: Documents

 

[chocolatebar]

What images are you talking about? I see the documents in the above post and, while forgeable, I think I prefer to believe in OP. Now I'm starting to question all reality around me.

@oliviahurts, please. No matter what really happened, you need help. Life is already too horrible for us to make it even worse. Pain and disabilities will bring even more bad experiences to our lives and, if you need a disability for people around you to show some sentiment, you must question if their sentiments are true.

Sorry if I said anything that may not sound good. I'm in a state of shock

 

[Meditation guide]

How did you manage to reach around behind you with the drill?

 

[oliviahurts]

Holy crap... OP, I say this genuinely: I hope you are okay and you find peace/relief from your pains one day.

And I echo the sentiment of others here, please seek medical help.

Thank you.

I never saw those images before and I didn't get notified of their response until much later, so I'm assuming something glitched.
Regardless, gross - both to the pictures and this bizarre, borderline offensive means of getting out of work and obtaining sympathy.

OP, I can't say I feel sorry for you, so at least your goal to talk about this without someone feeling sorry for you or telling you to seek help was met by at least one person. I don't appreciate that you're doing this so willfully during a time when health care workers are overworked and resources for those who never chose to be disabled are short. However, I suppose there are worse reasons for someone to wind up in the hospital.

Yh it's absurd. Anyway it seems to be getting better and looks like I did no long term damage as the drill didn't reach my spinal cord. I don't buy that argument because the government could just raise taxes or print more money to pay the NHS staff who would be employed for marginally more hours becuase of my actions.

@oliviahurts please go and seek medical help! Ignore the piss takers weirdly enough self harm is like a taboo subject here. I know someone who used to eat cement. I believe you and I really think you need to see a medical professional asap

It's getting better on its own.

What images are you talking about? I see the documents in the above post and, while forgeable, I think I prefer to believe in OP. Now I'm starting to question all reality around me.

@oliviahurts, please. No matter what really happened, you need help. Life is already too horrible for us to make it even worse. Pain and disabilities will bring even more bad experiences to our lives and, if you need a disability for people around you to show some sentiment, you must question if their sentiments are true.

Sorry if I said anything that may not sound good. I'm in a state of shock

I don't think sentiments don't have a true/false distinction. If they did then, in my experience, false sentiments can become true sentiments over time. Also I believe in the concept of hedonic treadmill which says that good/bad things happening almost always regress to a fixed setpoint.

How did you manage to reach around behind you with the drill?

I held the top of the drill with my hand upside down with my fingers on the back upper part of the drill. My thumb rested over the trigger so that when I tightened my grip, the drill activated. I rested it on a book on a chair behind me so all I needed to do was check the alignment, squeeze my fist and pull the drill into me, sliding it on the book.