I don’t want to cbt sometimes because of my abusive parents using it as a scapegoat. Suggestions please

[ts0hill]

Hello,
I just want some advice please.
There is a few things holding me back from cbt. One of them being my parents. I don't want to go into detail but basically they have narcissist tendencies and don't see me as my own person with respect.

1. When I ctb I am almost certain they will tell people I died in a car crash to keep up appearances. They have lied about things like this in the past.
I know i won't care if I'm dead but I also want friends to know I had been suffering. I haven't been that close to a lot of people and friends over the years because of mental illness so I feel like it would make them understand I was depressed and had mental illness.

I don't know either if I should write a note to some friends because it feels weird to not talk to them in months then write a note and I don't want them to think they are responsible for my death by not reaching out or something. I would also like people to know the reason I did (not their fault just want to explain) but I don't know if I have much hope with that.

2. My mom will feed off my death to support her narcissism.
She will feed off the sympathy from people to feed her ego not because she actually cares i died. She will prob keep my ashes for the next few decades using my death and the thought of it makes me want to throw up. I don't want her to have my ashes.

How should I go about this?… should I just not care since I will be dead? It just bothers me a lot

 

[Dans117]

Hello,
I just want some advice please.
There is a few things holding me back from cbt. One of them being my parents. I don't want to go into detail but basically they have narcissist tendencies and don't see me as my own person with respect.

1. When I ctb I am almost certain they will tell people I died in a car crash to keep up appearances. They have lied about things like this in the past.
I know i won't care if I'm dead but I also want friends to know I had been suffering. I haven't been that close to a lot of people and friends over the years because of mental illness so I feel like this would make them understand I was depressed and had mental illness.

I don't know either if I should write a note to some friends because it feels weird to not talk to them in months then write a note and I don't want them to think they are responsible for my death by not reaching out or something. I would also like people to know the reason I did (not their fault just want to explain) but I don't know if I have much hope with that.

2. My mom will feed off my death to support her narcissism.
She will feed off the sympathy from people to feed her ego not because she actually cares i died. She will prob keep my ashes for the next few decades using my death and the thought of it makes me want to throw up. I don't want her to have my ashes.

How should I go about this?… should I just not care since I will be dead? It just bothers me a lot

Hi ts0hill, I am sorry you are in this situation. I have a narcissistic alcoholic father and a codependent mother so I can relate. Unfortunately there is probably not much you can do regarding your parents manipulating your death for their own egos. Narcissists only care about themselves, they just manipulate and use other people to soothe their egos and feed their overinflated self images. Your note will probably be twisted and used against you if your parents get a hold of it, so I guess my first piece of advice will be if you do write one, give it to someone you trust. You could try leaving behind a will where you leave your ashes to one of your friends, but depending on where you live and the laws this might or might not work. There are ways to send messages using a time delay with technology and you can always cancel the message if you change your mind.

Otherwise, my only other piece of advice would be to just accept yourself as you are and realize that it's not your fault. You have enough awareness and compassion to care about your friends' reaction to your suicide - that is a strength, not a weakness. Narcissists have no awareness of this because they don't truly care about other people, only their own egos. Your parents are responsible for putting you in this state because so much is determined by our upbringing that is beyond our control. Let yourself blame them and process the feelings from that appropriately, regardless of whether or not you ctb. Not saying you should confront them directly, that would probably make things worse. Instead just let yourself feel it internally. Maybe write a letter to them where you say all the nasty things you want and then destroy the letter. Again, easy to do that these days with technology. I did just that and it helped a bit.

Not saying my advice should be gospel here, just take what you like and leave the rest. Best wishes to you.

 

[ts0hill]

Hi ts0hill, I am sorry you are in this situation. I have a narcissistic alcoholic father and a codependent mother so I can relate. Unfortunately there is probably not much you can do regarding your parents manipulating your death for their own egos. Narcissists only care about themselves, they just manipulate and use other people to soothe their egos and feed their overinflated self images. Your note will probably be twisted and used against you if your parents get a hold of it, so I guess my first piece of advice will be if you do write one, give it to someone you trust. You could try leaving behind a will where you leave your ashes to one of your friends, but depending on where you live and the laws this might or might not work. There are ways to send messages using a time delay with technology and you can always cancel the message if you change your mind.

Otherwise, my only other piece of advice would be to just accept yourself as you are and realize that it's not your fault. You have enough awareness and compassion to care about your friends' reaction to your suicide - that is a strength, not a weakness. Narcissists have no awareness of this because they don't truly care about other people, only their own egos. Your parents are responsible for putting you in this state because so much is determined by our upbringing that is beyond our control. Let yourself blame them and process the feelings from that appropriately, regardless of whether or not you ctb. Not saying you should confront them directly, that would probably make things worse. Instead just let yourself feel it internally. Maybe write a letter to them where you say all the nasty things you want and then destroy the letter. Again, easy to do that these days with technology. I did just that and it helped a bit.

Not saying my advice should be gospel here, just take what you like and leave the rest. Best wishes to you.

Thanks. I am sorry that you also had to deal with this. I do think they had a very negitive impact on my upbringing. My brother turned out different and they treated him differently im not sure why. My mom is codependent to but also turned narassistic and just doesn't respect my boundaries at all. I always felt like I'm the adult and she's a child growing up.
My dad is a narcissist also but he does respect my boundaries more at least but still he's had a very negative impact on my life.

I did not think of a will… this may be important as im suppose to get an inheritance from a relative in about 5 years and I would like the money to go to a certain cause. I am not sure how to make this happen tho. I was thinking of leaving it in the note. It's just 50/50 chance it would actually happen