I dont wanna nothing for my life

[danzk2005]

I'm at that stage in life where people ask me what I want from life, or what college I'm going to go to, what I'd like to answer them is that I don't want anything, I don't care about my future because I don't want to be alive until then, so what I do is just waste every day of my life until I finally have the courage to kill myself, but my only fear is that I won't kill myself and have to face the consequences of not having done anything to have a good future.

 

[ma0]

I've sort of set up a decoy future plan, that I can say to anyone who asks, things like my "dream job" and allat, but deep down I know what my real plan for the future is, and it's to not have one.

 

[danzk2005]

I've sort of set up a decoy future plan, that I can say to anyone who asks, things like my "dream job" and allat, but deep down I know what my real plan for the future is, and it's to not have one.

I do this sometimes too, the only problem is that time can end up passing quickly and you will realize that the future has already arrived and you are stagnant in life.

 

[ma0]

I do this sometimes too, the only problem is that time can end up passing quickly and you will realize that the future has already arrived and you are stagnant in life.

Well I consider it more to be straight up lying, I personally have accepted that my life will lead nowhere so I've given up.

Of course though, I have felt that pain of not wanting my life to amount to nothing, and grasping at straws. I hope you can find your way through this.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I'm at that stage in life where people ask me what I want from life, or what college I'm going to go to, what I'd like to answer them is that I don't want anything, I don't care about my future because I don't want to be alive until then, so what I do is just waste every day of my life until I finally have the courage to kill myself, but my only fear is that I won't kill myself and have to face the consequences of not having done anything to have a good future.

It's a valid fear. I know this first hand because at 45yo, I am suffering from exactly what you describe. For a very short period, I was ambitious and accomplishing a lot. But the stress became too much and I eventually realized it was all pointless. So I resorted to just painfully chugging along doing the bare minimum, in the hopes that I would CTB well before my mid 30s. I have survived at least a decade beyond that expiration date and suffering every single day of it.

 

[danzk2005]

It's a valid fear. I know this first hand because at 45yo, I am suffering from exactly what you describe. For a very short period, I was ambitious and accomplishing a lot. But the stress became too much and I eventually realized it was all pointless. So I resorted to just painfully chugging along doing the bare minimum, in the hopes that I would CTB well before my mid 30s. I have survived at least a decade beyond that expiration date and suffering every single day of it.

I can feel your pain, what you wrote is very true and sad to read, I wish there was some way to just be erased from life instantly, that would save many wasted years of our lives, but as that is impossible, I just hope I have the courage to kill myself soon.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I can feel your pain, what you wrote is very true and sad to read, I wish there was some way to just be erased from life instantly, that would save many wasted years of our lives, but as that is impossible, I just hope I have the courage to kill myself soon.

Thank you for your sympathy.

I hope you can find something as an insurance policy against possibly not being able to CTB soon.

If anything, if something like A.I. even remotely interests you, I would definitely look into some of these free courses offered by Google that could get you trained and accredited on it.

I believe this is the future, and there will be many people that wasted their lives in college, wishing that they would have invested their time in something studying something more applicable.

But even if you do try and go to college, it won't hurt to have this knowledge IMO. You are young. I say give it a try. Maybe something like an Adderall scrip could help motivate.

Wishing much luck to you.

 

[genie]

Same. I've never had any ambition or dreams because I didn't want to be alive. I've just coasted through life with CTB as a backup plan if things go really wrong.

 

[danzk2005]

Thank you for your sympathy.

I hope you can find something as an insurance policy against possibly not being able to CTB soon.

If anything, if something like A.I. even remotely interests you, I would definitely look into some of these free courses offered by Google that could get you trained and accredited on it.

I believe this is the future, and there will be many people that wasted their lives in college, wishing that they would have invested their time in something studying something more applicable.

But even if you do try and go to college, it won't hurt to have this knowledge IMO. You are young. I say give it a try. Maybe something like an Adderall scrip could help motivate.

Wishing much luck to you.

Thanks for your help, I wish you all the best too.