I don’t think I’ll ever fall in love, because I am too toxic for it

[Water-Lily]

To be in love and accept someone loving you requires you to be at peace with yourself

To actively engage in healthy self care/self love and value yourself

To know that, regardless of what happens around you, that you are only in control of you and no matter what you will be ok

Mastering these qualities is what makes you attractive to the right people. Who will want you for you and will see the love you have in yourself

But I don't

When life gets bad, I actively choose ti hurt myself

I wallow in self pity and shame and implode on myself

I am a bad candidate for romance becuase I hate myself so much

With how I am going, I doubt I'll ever have be in a relationship

And the more I'm surrounded by people who are in love, I am reminded of what I cannot ever have

 

[anywhere_else]

I used to think this a lot too, but I don't know if I do so much now. Maybe that's the tiny optimist in me. He's there somewhere.

Loving yourself certainly helps, but I also think it's about finding someone you trust enough to be vulnerable with. Because that's what love is to me, communicating and trust and just being ok being vulnerable. Being yourself. It leaves you open to hurt and abuse and of course finding that one person who accepts you unconditionally can feel like a needle in a haystack.

I'm such a hypocrite because I'm constantly telling myself I'm unworthy of anything good but, I do hope you find a way to believe that's possible for you. And to look after yourself. Love can be the best thing and the worst thing all at once.

 

[CentreMid]

I used to think this a lot too, but I don't know if I do so much now. Maybe that's the tiny optimist in me. He's there somewhere.

Loving yourself certainly helps, but I also think it's about finding someone you trust enough to be vulnerable with. Because that's what love is to me, communicating and trust and just being ok being vulnerable. Being yourself. It leaves you open to hurt and abuse and of course finding that one person who accepts you unconditionally can feel like a needle in a haystack.

I'm such a hypocrite because I'm constantly telling myself I'm unworthy of anything good but, I do hope you find a way to believe that's possible for you. And to look after yourself. Love can be the best thing and the worst thing all at once.

I was actually about to comment with something similar, but you've defintely hit the nail on the head!

Hey @Water-Lily , as @anywhere_else said, good, solid romantic relationships also require vulnerability and communication. Yes, it is very difficult to find your person, and you will get hurt, but as you search, you'll meet all sorts of people who will help you discover things about yourself that you may not otherwise discover without their help.

Althought my ex and I aren't dating anymore, I still consider her to be a close friend. She and I had the healthiest romantic relationship I've ever had, and we still have one of the healthiest relationships (in general) that I've ever had, and I'm forever grateful to her for showing me what that's like (we split on good terms because of a difference in goals and wants in life).

One piece of advice I'll give you is that, if and when you find your person, there are still going to ups and downs, and not everything will run smoothly. You will have to communicate and be willing to communicate with your person to work out the issues, and you will have to make some compromises, accomodations and sacrifices, just as your (potential) future partner will do for you. I know it's difficult to not hate yourself when life gets hard, but your future partner will be willing to work with you no matter how many times you may need reassurance, just as you'll be there for them.

This is one of the things I loved most about my ex, we both allowed the other to express our concerns and worries without judgement, and both tried our best to support each other through our struggles to the best of our abilities (without wearing ourselves out of course, it's no good having a one-sided relationship. You still have to take care of yourself. You're still two seperate people after all).

Anywho, best of luck, I hope you can find someone. Take care.